Balderdash

Double Trouble And Seeing Double

These days I seem to be seeing double. Maybe I need a checkup at the optometrists? The first thing that popped into my mind was “Dubble Bubble,” the bubble gum that was the “In” thing when we were young. In the first place, this was a rare commodity, only when we had relatives or friends coming down from overseas could we get this precious item. These wads of gum would be changed from cheek to cheek in between vigorous chewing, until it was pliable enough to be stretched out on the tip of one’s tongue.
This required practice, since there could be no holes formed, or else that was the end of the resulting bubble. The trick was to see who would blow the biggest bubble. When it burst, you drew it once again into your mouth and repeated the exercise. Of course, sometimes when you wanted to appear to be totally cool, the bubble would burst and land all around your mouth, not a pretty sight at all! Then the thin film of gum would stick to your fingers, your face and even sometimes in your hair, and it would create a huge mess to unravel. In school, we were immediately sent out of class to get rid of gum if we were caught chewing. Some stuck their chewed gum underneath their desks, and if you happened to accidentally grasp it, the disgusting thing would stick to your fingers.

There’s actually a double bubble theorem in existence, but Math’s was never one of my strong points, so don’t ask me to explain! It’s something to do with surfaces and the common side of the two bubbles, or something. This is definitely not on my Need to Know list.

The other double that I thought of was when we used to show with our hands how much we liked someone. “I like you this much!” Then the other person would fling her arms out wide and say, “I like you more, double much!” Some people still seem to be adopting this view now. If you want A this amount, then you must want B double! Does that make B doubly competent or suitable? Some people are of the view obviously that normal citizens are double morons.

Double trouble

The other reference to Double was this song by Trini Lopez, (I can hear the girls ask Who?) called Double Trouble. His songs were popular with most people so they were played at every dance party we went to. Double trouble I see,’ cause there’s a guy who looks like me. The guy singing is being accused of taking out another girl, but it’s actually his double. Once my double had gone for a dance and been spotted by some acquaintances who were quite intrigued as to what “I” was doing there with an unknown man!

And then there’s the ever prevalent double entendre, which I am not a big fan of. I firmly think you should say what you mean or not say it at all if it is too risqué. Composers of song and verse from days of yore have employed this method to get something across to their audiences when it was too offensive to mention directly. Even authors of modern plays, films and books still make use of innuendoes. I suppose in our country with the present trend continuing, someone might read something totally different to what the author means to convey and that’s either the end of the road for him, one might be spirited away into thin air or else he’ll be interrogated and locked up like an animal at the zoo. Up for a game of mixed doubles, anyone?

Then there are these double barreled names which must be the very devil to deal with when you have to fill out loads of forms. Our local surnames are long enough; must one add another one maybe even longer? I suppose it looks and sounds grander! Of course, this is very useful in describing certain people like Lousy Jerk, Spineless Creep, etc.

The nicest doubles I know of, are the double chocolate chip ice cream, the double cheeseburger and the double strawberry Margarita. Yum!  I have a friend in UK who can’t resist an offer of “Buy one get one free,” and as a result of this malady has cupboards full of totally unnecessary stuff! But don’t you feel good when you get a bargain? And now, I’m going to practice how to actually use my double barreled shotgun, Bang! Bang!

— Honky Tonk Woman