In A Nutshell

LEAP-FROG

With elections coming up everyone is leapfrogging  from one side to another. This can lead to some awkward situations.
On Tuesday our lovely em-pees met to discuss whether or not there was an emergency. Josie Posie Perera took front and centre and speaking to former fellow party member Big Banda said “It’s nice to be back in parliament. It’s really nice to talk to you now that you are in the governing party.” To which Big Banda could only grin sheepishly. Aiyo!!

MAD HATTER’S TEA PARTY?

Speaking of leapfrogs, our friend Big House crossed the great divide to the Fellows in Blue. He was most annoyed that “Scissor” Arachchi was popular in the area he was contesting from. Accordingly, he invited our Benevolent Leader to his house for some tea and drinkies, and was pleased with himself. That is, until “Scissors” decided to invite the pee-em for tea. Big House went and cried to Ma-hin-deer, asking him to tell the pee-em not to go to “Scissors” house. Ma-hin-deer however stood firm, and said that if Big House couldn’t win on the strength of his own tea visit there was nothing he could do! Apparently all you need to do to win is have a little tea party. My, oh my!

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

During the Prez elections, we all remember reading about Ma-hin-deer inviting all and sundry to his maha gedara for food and drink, all in the “traditional” spirit. And now we have another important personage who is following in his illustrious footsteps. Who is this person? Why, none other than Wee-Flower, our erstwhile comrade in red. Wonder where he is getting the money for these shindigs? And where is our invite? Hee hee!

AS TIME GOES BY, SO SLOWLY

Everyone has been reading about Fonny Boy’s tantrums this week, when he refused to eat because he wanted to use his wifey’s phone to call up the kids. But what most haven’t heard is the spin the powers-that-be gave to the story. According to them, Fonny’s sweetheart one day got half an hour late to deliver Fonny’s breakfast. And Fonny then threw it in her face, saying, “7.30 is not 8!” So the next day she went racing at 6.30. At which he again threw his breakfast at her and said “6.30 is also not 7!” Tsk tsk, Fonny!

AND THE WINNER IS?

This year the Blue fellows are certain they will win the general elections. They are also certain they will get a huge majority. They are even more certain that the future pee-em will be Blue. Now all the senior Blue men want to be pee-em. And just like the current situation with the police, where four DIGs became 35, a naughty fellow whispered that the Fellows in Blue are planning to appoint 6 pee-ems just so everyone goes home happy! Sweet, ne??

COLOURS OF THE RAINBOW

Speaking of elections, all the parties are worried about rigging. They want to hire reps to hang around the ballot boxes and counting centres. Now, however, word is someone has come up with an ingenious theory. An imported special marking pen, which will be used to mark the ballot boxes. The election fellows must of course keep the COLOUR of the pen used as a state secret. Us fellows at this rag were amazed. Amazed that despite the recession we have the money to import special pens just for the elections! What’s wrong with local felt-pens, ah? Hmmm..

NO CHAMPIONS?

As this ole rag reported, the swan-boats on the Beira mysteriously disappeared before the presidential election. Now, of course, Fonny Boy isn’t running under the swan symbol. No, he is running under the trophy. So the latest story doing the rounds is that the government will ban presentation of trophies at cricket matches. Instead, they’ll ask to hand out cash prizes until the election is over! Ha ha!!