HUMOUR

Marriage

Marriage is a rest period between romances. I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living — God forbid.

Marriage is a romantic story, in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry — Chekhov.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence — a life sentence.

Marriage puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

New Friend

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whisky. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

“Lou,” says the shocked friend, “what are you doing? I’ve known you for over 15 years, and I’ve never seen you take a drink before. What’s going on?”

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, “My wife just ran off with my best friend.”

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

“But,” says the other man, “I’m your best friend!”

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,

“Not anymore!… He is!”