In A Nutshell

Are You Ready?

So Salmon Can was ‘Ready’ to come Lanka’s way to film his latest Bollywoodian offering. And there was an unholy hue and cry as people flocked adoringly. A group of us rag-writers made our way to a press briefing all of a flutter. As usual, we chose seats right in front (must be able to admire Salmon’s abs no?) Except then the organisers came and told us to move quick sharp because a Ministerial type was a coming (we suspect Lucky Yap a Lot) and the seats were reserved for him. One of the rag-writers kicked up a fuss, to no avail. In the end, there was no Minister and the seats remained empty, so eventually we were again invited to the front. Aiyo aiyo!

Rock a Bye Baby

This week everyone is buzzing about the budget. With much anticipation the parliament types gathered to listen. Well, some of them did. While acting Minister of all things Financial was speaking, it became apparent that the Governor, Western Province was in dreamland — literally — in the viewer’s gallery! As if that wasn’t enough, Wednesday saw Green Team member Johnny A and Sampy from the Tamilian Alliance sleeping away during the session! Us wild asses were most amused as everyone started shouting about disrespecting the proceedings. Sampy Boy slept sweetly through until eventually he awoke to shouts of laughter. We know numbers are boring, boys, but try and pay attention! Come on!

There’s always 2011?

Speaking of the budget speech, one must spare a thought for our poor PM. For there he was, all ready in his spiffy new national suit, ready to deliver the all-important speech since the President wasn’t free to parley in parliament. But just like the last time he made a suit to become PM and someone else got it instead, this time Ah-munu boy got to read it instead. Well, judging from the record, maybe he’ll get to read it next time, ne?
Sin men!

One deep pan stuffed crust, please!

Then a newly national suited boy from the Green Team had a most amusing comment to make on the state of public service in this enlightened isle. “Why, you can call and get a pizza delivered before an ambulance will arrive in this country!” he shouted in outrage. Now, now dear boy. When one is in the throes of a heart attack, perhaps one shouldn’t be calling for a nice oily ‘Hot and Spicy Chicken Lovers.’ After all, that’s what gave you a heart attack in the first place, no? You’re welcome my friend, you’re welcome!

Where da Party at?!

Then all the opposition was shouting about higher prices for essential goods. The fellows even brought placards to show how expensive a loaf of ‘paan’ was. A sad state of affairs indeed. But some fellows had a different idea of what essentials meant. “The prices of cigarettes and arrack are expected to go up in the budget!” said one fellow from the Comrades in Red in outrage. No more arrack ‘paduru’ parties? Oh no!!!