Balderdash

Higher Learning

You are never too old to learn something new. I heard the word “paraprosdokian” for the first time recently. It of Greek derivation, where “para” means beyond and “prosdokia” means expectation.
Usually the second part of a sentence or phrase delivers something quite unexpected, often humorously anticlimactic. These are used by comedians and satirists. It’s the technique of leading one up the garden path. These sayings hit the nail on the head as they sum up what lots of people think but don’t actually say. So here goes,
1.If you’re going through hell, keep going! – Winston Churchill
(An interpretation of this would be, you’re just passing through and will eventually leave, so things will get better.)
2. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
(Yes, and why not, pray? I’m sure it must be boring to watch a goody two shoes all the time who never does anything wrong!)
3. She looks as if she has been poured into her dress and forgot to say ‘when.’- P.G. Wodehouse
(This is a common occurence here. So many bulgy sheep dressed up as lambs!)
4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
(How often do people falsely utter the first sentence, but harbour grudges instead.)
5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
(Too true! So many times one judges people by their appearance, but when you actually have a proper conversation with them, they fall short.)
6. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
(This is while you smile falsely and pretend to agree with the self-opinionated person in front of you.)
7. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
(This is someone who is a smooth, glib talker and has a very good vocabulary, lots of them around the place!)
8. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
(So true, but I suppose they eventually want their money back.)
9. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
(Oh ha ha! A verb and a noun.)
10. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check it out when you say the paint is wet?
(It’s human nature, as well as they don’t want paint on their clothes or any part of their bodies.)
11. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
( A very clever answer!)
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
(Yes! Kids say exactly what they think and feel. They act on impulse and do things that an adult wouldn’t dare to.)
13. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
(Don’t forget the morning and afternoon news too! It’s the same story.)
14. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
(I suppose some retail therapy works wonders to lift one’s spirits or being able to invite some friends over.)
15. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
(Aren’t some people so infuriating, when they say yes, I knew this all along, that’s what I meant all this time, or take credit for others achievements?)
16. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
(Yes, almost nothing lasts forever, and everything doesn’t work they way it should.)
17. Going to a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
(I wish people would realise this, because they think religion belongs in a church, but forget all about it outside at other times.)
18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
(A sensible approach to a volatile situation will improve it and not make it worse.)
10. The hand is quicker than the eye, so that is why there are so many black eyes.
(Watch out for blows, your reflexes should be quick. But a magician banks on the fact that his actions are too rapid to be followed.)
I hope you are wiser now!
Honky Tonk Woman.