Aunty Pat
Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous.
Dear Aunty Pat,
I’m a woman of 26 and have been married for 3 years. I went out to work for about 1 1/2 years after marriage, but my husband rose in his job and told me that I needn’t work any more, that he could support me on his own. I’m quite happy running the house and the other duties I have to perform. For the past 2 years, I’ve been longing to have a baby, but my husband keeps saying we should wait until our financial situation improves. Now it has become a kind of obsession with me and all sorts of things are running around my head as to why he’s not agreeing to this. I’m quite capable of doing something from home and contributing to our finances. He won’t have any of it and I’m beginning to resent him. I’m wondering if he has another plan in mind and doesn’t want to be tied down to me. What do you think?
Dushy
Dear Dushy,
I suppose any woman gets broody after a while. Can’t you get some close friends to intervene? Surely he knows it’s best not to wait until it’s too late to have kids because of the health risks involved? You will have to ask him if there is anything else in the air to prevent you from being a complete family. Maybe you should tell him you will go back to work because you obviously feel unfulfilled. This is something the two of you will have to work out by yourselves. You can’t force him to do what you want, he will have to agree to your point of view. So there’s no point thinking over imaginary situations in your mind, come right out with it and get a proper answer. You will have to work it out from then on, depending on the outcome of all this. So, go get cracking!
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My live-in girlfriend never seems to want to go out anywhere for a night out. She always says she prefers to stay in. Sometimes it’s almost two months before we go out. I like to meet up with friends once in a while to relax. How can I get her to change her mind?
N.P.
Dear N.P.,
You haven’t said if she goes out to work. If that is the case, maybe she’s too tired to think of going out again. Also she may be having weekend chores to do and that could be tiring too. Depending on where she’s working, she may have to be dressed up and maybe she doesn’t want to get dolled up twice in one day. Even if she’s not going out to a job, the tendency here is for men not to help around the house much. So why don’t you chip in and strike a bargain to ease her burden so she will be in a more relaxed mood and be receptive to the idea of going out. If she wants to dress casually, you could organize something in a suitable place with your friends. Even a movie, a drive down to the beach or a visit to someone at home could be suggested. Maybe she doesn’t like your friends that much, in which case why don’t you ask her to include some of her friends too? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again!
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
This guy I know was first going out with a girl and he broke up with her. Then he started dating me and we got on fine together and I’m quite crazy about him. Now his old girl has contacted him and he keeps in touch with her. He says he really loves me but for the moment he doesn’t want her to know anything because she’s going through a depression and he feels he might worsen the situation. I’m getting a bit fed up of sneaking around. Yesterday one of my friends saw them together at lunch. When I asked him he said he felt that he owed her that much because she was down and that he didn’t want to upset me by telling me. He says we have to do this for a while until he’s sure she’s okay. Am I to agree to this, since I really don’t feel quite right about it?
Sleepless.
Dear Miss Sleepless,
You tell this fellow right away that he has to tell the other girl about you or you are calling it off. He sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too! Why can’t he take you along as well to cheer her up? He’s being totally unfair to you. Tell him he has to decide immediately or you don’t want to see him again. It sounds like he’s making excuses to you. Call him now!
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My wife can’t drink too much, but when we go out she always has more than she can handle and it’s becoming quite embarrassing for me. She becomes loud and obnoxious and her speech gets slurred. I can see people looking at each other when she starts getting wild. She says I’m imagining things. I dread going out now because I don’t know at what she will come out with. She refuses to leave when I suggest it. Can you advise me?
Raj.
Dear Raj,
You’ll have to get others to tell her that she’s out of line if she doesn’t accept it from you. Have you told her you dread going out now? You should say all this and tell her that very soon you’ll be forced to decline invitations. You decide how much alcohol she can have without becoming a problem. Say she has to stick to this or you’re walking off. The best thing would be to get someone who has seen her in this state to talk to her, then she’ll be forced to accept it. Maybe you can suggest counseling if you think this will help her.
Aunty Pat.
