Aunty Pat
Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous.
Dear Aunty Pat,
A close friend of mine is having some financial problems. He confided in me because his wife suddenly has found a job and is going to work. He says they can just about manage to get by. But I’ve noticed a very disturbing thing. He has started drinking quite heavily and sometimes I think he’s drinking during the day. Recently he was quite embarrassing at a party we went to. Do you think I should talk to him about it? I don’t want to lose his friendship, because he might get annoyed with me. Shall I drop a few gentle hints or confront him about it directly?
G.K.
——————————————————-
Dear G.K.,
If you are a true friend you will want to help your friend in a positive way instead of waiting for some disaster to happen. Why should you ‘gently hint’ as you call it? If you don’t want to do it alone, get another close friend or more friends and sit him down and tell him he’s not going anywhere by taking this road. You’ve got to tell him he has to be strong and lots of people are in the same position he’s in. You all should explain that this is a very negative way of dealing with his core problem. Tell him to find new ways to make more money or else he might even lose his present job. The sooner you act on this, the better. Good luck!
Aunty Pat.
——————————————————-
Dear Aunty Pat,
I have a friend who keeps borrowing clothes from me and most often I have to remind her to return them. She doesn’t even bother to wash them but just returns them. She takes some of my favourite outfits and I feel too awkward to refuse because she’s not so well off and her mum doesn’t buy her lots of new stuff. I haven’t mentioned this to my mum. Last week she took a dress that I hadn’t even worn yet. When I pointed this out, she said she noticed it in my wardrobe for the past two months and why was I being so mean and not letting her wear it. I was waiting for the right occasion to do so, but I felt too embarrassed to refuse and she took it. Do you think I’m being selfish?
Kaushi.
——————————————————-
Dear Kaushi,
For heaven’s sake, can’t you see that this girl is taking advantage of you? What kind of a person borrows things and returns them unwashed? Stop allowing her to walk all over you! Why don’t you choose a couple of outfits you think you can spare and give them to her and say you’d appreciate it if she stops borrowing your stuff as you’re not comfortable with it. Tell her that you’ll pass things on whenever you can. Be firm and show you mean it. Tell her to stop going through your clothes because you don’t like it.
Aunty Pat.
——————————————————-
Dear Aunty Pat,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about three years. Now suddenly out of the blue she says we should date others too, and that she’s not sure about our relationship. I’m shattered and I asked her to tell me what I could do to improve the situation, but she says she needs a bit of space. I’m hurt and angry but I don’t want to lose her. Please advise me what I should do because I can’t think straight.
Lost.
——————————————————-
Dear Lost,
Well, it sounds like she wants to be sure of the relationship before totally committing, and you can’t find fault with her for that. It’s good that she’s honest instead of leading you on and doing things behind your back. It’s much better to be sure what you want before just going along with the flow because it’s more convenient. I can understand your feelings because you obviously are certain of your feelings for her. But isn’t it better to be certain before committing and then having things go wrong? It would be much worse then. So give her space and she’ll appreciate it, I’m sure. Then if things are to be, they will be! Life is tough.
Aunty Pat.
——————————————————-
Dear Aunty Pat,
My husband generally runs me down and scoffs at everything I say in front of our friends. I can see the other ladies looking at each other every time he makes a nasty comment. Nothing I do or say is correct, he just has to contradict me or ridicule me. I don’t show him or anyone else I’m upset by his behaviour, but I am. This has been going on for a while and I’m fed up of trying to get him to approve of or appreciate me. I feel really down and I am too embarrassed to confide in anyone, that’s why I’m appealing to you for help. Please oblige by suggesting what I should do.
Dilki.
——————————————————-
Dear Dilki,
You should tell him that you aren’t happy with his treatment of you. Why are you remaining silent? I think you should say that the next time he speaks to you in a derogatory manner in public; you will retaliate in the same manner. Tell him then he will get a taste of what you put up with. Ask him why he’s so quick to condemn you and whether he feels threatened so he has to compete and that’s the reason for his behaviour. Maybe he feels inferior or maybe he needs help. This should make him pay attention to you, but if he still continues to act like a jerk, give him as good as he gets. Let’s hope I’m not stirring up a hornet’s nest!
Aunty Pat.
