Aunty Pat
Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous.
Dear Aunty Pat,
I’m really scared that I won’t pass my exams well enough to go to university overseas. My parents expect me to get the required grades and they have gone ahead and made all the arrangements. I feel I didn’t do as well as I should have. My other girlfriends seem so carefree and they say of course I would have done well because I’m smarter than them. But I don’t think so and I’m so worried. It will be so shameful if I don’t qualify and it will disappoint my parents too. I know I have to face whatever comes, but I don’t feel like talking to anyone about my fears. Am I being paranoid?
Miss Jittery.
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Dear Miss Jittery,
My goodness, what a worrier! Follow the lead of your friends and relax and have fun after studying hard. You can’t undo what has been done. You should confide in them and your parents too of your fears. It’s not the end of the world even if you don’t qualify, you might have to merely re-sit some subjects. Remember the saying failures are the pillars of success. Anyway, you are just worrying about nothing, since you might make the grade. I’m sure your parents will tell you somewhat the same thing. It’s certainly not shameful, no human being is perfect, we all have our off days. Even in that scenario, I’m sure your parents will be glad to have you around for a little longer before you go off into the adult world! Please voice your fears immediately instead of getting into a tizzy.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My wife is very suspicious of me for some reason. She has started dropping in unannounced to my office, and when I’m on a guys night out she keeps calling me with some vague excuse for doing so. My colleagues at work and my friends are now asking me what I’m up to. None of their wives act like this. It’s very embarrassing and it is beginning to really annoy me. I’m wondering if I ask her why she’s doing this all of a sudden, she might think I’m trying to fish for information or cover something up. Should I just ignore it and hope that she will eventually get tired of this and stop?
Rohan.
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Dear Rohan,
Of course you shouldn’t ignore it! You should ask her the reason for her behaviour. Obviously she feels insecure about something. Maybe she feels neglected or maybe someone has told her something to make her behave like this. So you should tell her that she has nothing to worry about and try to be a bit more attentive so she will feel you mean it. I hope she goes out with her friends too, if not you should encourage her to do this. Then she can see for herself this is just an outing to have fun with friends. Be nice to her and talk it over and put any fears to rest. Ignoring the situation will only make it worse, you say that it annoys you and so you will begin to have arguments for no reason. Tackle it quick!
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
I’m a 23-year-old Muslim girl. I went to an international mixed school and then to a University in Malaysia. Now I have come back and I’m doing a job. The only problem is my parents won’t allow me to go out at night with my childhood classmates. Sometimes they go for the weekend out of Colombo and I’m not allowed to go. I keep telling them that the boys stay separately and the girls share separate rooms, but they are adamant that I can’t go. They say our relatives and family friends would frown on this. I think this is silly as I was away overseas by myself. I feel really depressed. My dad says until I get married I can’t go on these occasions. Isn’t this too old fashioned and unfair? How can I persuade them to change their minds?
S.
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Dear S.,
I’m sorry, but as long as you live with your parents you have to abide by their rules and customs. However modernised you think you might have become, unless you can move out on your own and support yourself, you have to accept their decision. I think that is difficult with the cost of living rocketing daily. At least they have allowed you to study overseas, and not got you married off straight after school. So try and be patient, I know it must be frustrating when your friends are having fun, but meet up with them during the day. Maybe one day when you have kids of your own you might be more lenient, but you can’t ask your parents to change overnight. Make the best of what you have and think positive and be happy. There are so many people in want and at least you don’t have that problem.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
I’m a 24-year-old guy. I have a big problem. All my close friends’ girlfriends are very smart intellectually. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is a simple girl who hasn’t fared so well in her studies, but is a fantastic person. She makes cupcakes and stuff like that on order. She’s very kind hearted and always helping her old relatives by taking them to doctors, or cooking meals for them as well as being a loving daughter to her parents. I’m quite crazy about her. I noticed something disturbing when I went out with my friends recently. I noticed that the other girls were quite catty to her and secretly laughing at her answers almost to her face. Luckily, she didn’t seem to notice. Even my friends keep teasing her but she seems to take it in her stride. I, however, am so mad with all of them that I wonder if I want to go out with them again. Should I drop these people, because I really care about this girl. Please advise me on what you think I should do.
Jay.
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Dear Jay,
Can all of them be so mean spirited, or are they just following the herd? You should speak to the most sensible of them and tell them that you will be compelled to stop hanging out with them and explain why. I hope they feel ashamed of their behaviour. If this kind of thing persists, then you will have to make a choice, because they can’t be your real friends or good people, and drop them. I can’t believe that every one of them is so mean, so give them a chance to make amends. I’m sure the more generous spirited people will make an effort and tell the others to follow suit.
Aunty Pat.
