Aunty Pat
Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous
Dear Aunty Pat,
I have four children. My husband does not allow me to have help. Every day I have to do the cooking because he doesn’t like frozen food. However hard I try, he’s always critical of my dishes. I get up very early in the morning because I have to make string-hoppers, pittu or roti for breakfast for him. When the kids are at school I have to wash and iron the clothes and clean the house. I’m exhausted at the end of the day. I know he looks after us, but sometimes I wish he’d say something nice to me. All I get is grumbles and criticism. Please tell me what you think I could do to improve the situation.
Desperate Housewife
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Dear Desperate housewife,
I don’t know why you are being such a doormat. Say you are doing the best you can, and he’ll have to be satisfied. You could freeze portions of certain kinds of food and re-use them at a later date without his knowledge. Try and get a reasonable takeaway meal at least once a week to give yourself a break. Clothes could be folded and put away and ironed only when they are going to be worn. Get the kids to do small chores to help you. Also say you are fed up of being criticised at every turn and would like some show of appreciation instead. You have basic rights!
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My neighbour has very large trees growing near our boundary wall and I have to constantly keep sweeping up leaves that fall from these trees. The leaves block up our gutters too. I also have to keep trimming branches that grow into our garden and interfere with my plants. Recently a coconut fell into our garden and I thought someone might have got hurt if they were around. Am I being fussy or should I have a word with them?
The constant gardener.
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Dear Gardener,
Yes, you might have a tactful word and mention that it is a lot of extra work for you. If you ask that they trim their plants before they grow over to your side, all this could be avoided. Or else say you could get a regular gardener to come in and could they please reimburse the cost. I’m sure they will be more careful then. They might not be pleased with you, but make it a point to be very pleasant and indicate that you don’t want to have any ill feelings with them.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My best friend in school has a very nice girlfriend. He has been dating her for a while. Recently, while he was on holiday with his family out of Colombo, he met a girl at the hotel they were staying and now he keeps in touch with her. The thing is, he is keeping it a secret from his girl. I feel very uncomfortable with this. Sometimes he tells her he’s out with me but actually he’s with this other girl. I don’t want any part of this but he just laughs it off if I broach the topic. What shall I do?
P. L.
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Dear P.L.,
You should not be forced to do something you don’t want to be a part of. You have to speak to him and tell him you think this isn’t right. He might get annoyed with you, but you have to face that. Tell him he’s not being fair by anyone in this situation. Tell him you don’t want him to use you as an excuse for his secret meetings. Both girls will be very annoyed with you too if anything comes out in the open, because they will feel you should have told them what was going on. So you better be firm and make your opinions heard.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
I’m 21 years old and just returned from University overseas. Most of my girlfriends are back too. I find I have a problem relating to them now, because the girls I used to hang around with only seem to be interested in shopping, partying, clubbing or going out to eat. My interests are definitely different. If I suggest we go out for a swim, they say they’ll get sunburned. Then if I think of going to a place of interest, they say how boring. I have started working and I find I like the company of these people much more. But my friends get annoyed if I can’t make it to one of their outings and am going out with my work friends. I’m wondering what I should do. I don’t want to cut out my friends totally as we all grew up together from a young age.
Kiki
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Dear Kiki,
I suppose one does outgrow some friends sometimes. You have to explain that you have made new friends and you want to keep company with them too. Maybe occasionally you should go out with both sets, if they are agreeable. After all, however annoying they are, you can’t forget your childhood friends. Once in a while make a special effort and see them too. If they don’t like the fact that you have made other friends, they’ll have to learn to just accept it. You can always keep in touch on the phone or computer when time permits. If the 2 sets of people don’t get on, you will have to meet each lot separately.
Aunty Pat..
