Balderdash

• BITE!

My nerves are shot to pieces because of the latest visit to the dainty dentist, also known as the Tooth Fairy. I nicknamed her thus because she’s really tiny, and she briskly flits to and fro. She seems to have nerves of steel and the strength to match. I wonder if she has any Scottish blood in her, because I think of the Highland Games, where participants toss the caber, which is a log or tree trunk, or the stone put, which involves throwing large stones to the furthest distance, or the hammer throw, which brings to mind the god Thor who wields a stone hammer. Such appears to be her strength. Boy, can she hang on and yank with great tenacity until the object of her disapproval is decimated. Ouch! I was forced to visit her because Dancing Doll was complaining of a pain in her jaw, near where her wisdom tooth should have made its appearance.  I remembered that she had been making this same complaint at different times over the past few years. After a quick examination, the Tooth Fairy informed us that she strongly suspected that she had an impacted tooth which would have to be removed. An x-ray revealed that this was so. From that time our DD who is also known as the Drama Queen for obvious reasons, melted into a puddle of fear and kept on bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. All our assurances that she wouldn’t feel a thing because of the anaesthetic fell on deaf ears. Her boyfriend who had to work at the time allotted for the procedure, arrived with flowers and ice-cream. He kept coming in at frequent intervals and informing me that she was still ‘freaking out.’ So, what’s new, I wanted to say but had to make sympathetic noises instead.
I was asked to go to this extremely expensive new bakery and buy bread which cost a bomb. Yes, it was soft as cotton wool and I suppose this was a special occasion, psyching out for the dentist.
Beautiful Dreamer cancelled a trip out of Colombo to come along with the Moral Support team. The weeping bundle of nerves was escorted to the dental surgery. The nurse and receptionist were highly amused and told her not to cry, that it was a very simple procedure. She caught sight of a patient coming out of the surgery with a huge wad of cotton wool stuffed in her mouth, and immediately came and huddled against me. We told her to close her eyes and listen to the music on her iPod and she’d be fine and it would be over in a trice. She ordered BD to stand by her and hang on to her hand, which she proceeded to maul. I couldn’t oblige because my creaky joints would start aching after standing a while. Some of her friends called during the surgery, and I was wondering how they expected her to talk with her mouth wide open.
BD said at one particular point of time, a friend called on her cell phone probably to check on DD. She laughingly said the person hung up because of the pandemonium around. I kept yelling encouragement from the couch placed right outside the surgery. Then DD’s head phone fell out and she kept shouting with her mouth wide open, “Music! Music!” while BD tried hard to interpret her strange sounds.
Once she knew, she quickly shoved the headphone back into her ear. In the meanwhile, the Tooth Fairy kept shouting, “Open wider! Not enough! WIDER!” The friend probably got scared and hung up. Tooth Fairy asked her, “How will you go through childbirth, if you can’t stand this?” and pat came the answer from DD “C section!” Well, really. The entire surgery was highly amused at the antics and kept grinning at each other. Squawk like sounds emerged at regular intervals from DD, rather like an agitated hen.
When it was all finally over, we discussed what was to be done with the teeth, since she wanted to keep them. I suggested she turn them into a pendant or a pair of earrings. The gruelling ordeal was over, but DD exploiting the situation to the fullest, piteously asked if she could please have a brand of very expensive gourmet ice-cream. I think we all needed to soothe our shattered nerves, and what better than with ice cream? In a week’s time, the stitches have to come out. Oh yes, more drama!
Honky Tonk Woman