Aunty Pat
Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous.
Dear Aunty Pat,
I have a 7-year-old daughter. I usually make her a nutritious as well as tasty snack for her to eat at break. I put a lot of thought and effort into it as she hardly eats anything before going to school at breakfast. She suddenly told me that there is a girl in her class who always comes at break and opens her snack box and eats most of her food and she gets hungry through the day. Apparently she does this every day, even though my daughter tells her not to. I’m so mad, I felt like calling her mother up immediately. Should I tell the teacher and let her tackle it or call the mother? I don’t want my daughter to have any repercussions as a result of my actions. My daughter refuses to tell the teacher herself.
Worried mum.
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Dear worried mum,
Obviously this other child must be forceful and possibly a bully in a sense if your daughter can’t stop her. That’s why she must be reluctant to tell the teacher, thinking that this girl will be nasty to her. I think you should meet the teacher and ask her to watch out for this and pull this girl up. Obviously this child is not getting enough food, if any at all, from her own home. Then it is up to the teacher to inform her mum that she is depriving your daughter of her snack. I know how worrying it is if you think your child is hungry at school, also it will affect her studies.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
I have noticed that one of my friends always goes out of her way to make friends with a person once I introduce her. She and her husband invite these people out without my knowledge. It’s not that I want to be asked too, but I think it is a bit strange since I’m the person who is their friend. She keeps it all a big secret from me, but I always get to know through the other person. This has been going on for a while, I feel like telling her she doesn’t have to hide these things from me, because I certainly don’t mind. I’m hesitant because she might think I’m annoyed that I’m not included too. What shall I do about this?
D. L.
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Dear D.L.,
Yes, this is a bit of a tricky one. You might end up having an argument. Maybe you can casually mention that your friend mentioned that they met up and be very nice and show that you don’t mind at all. Then she should get the message that you are in the know as well as you don’t mind this, although I must say I think it rather strange if she is a friend of yours. Obviously she has some issues, so you should feel sorry for her. It’s also nice of you to continue to include her in your activities even though she’s being strange. Remember, no one is perfect.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My girlfriend loves to go clubbing, to these organized parties and musical shows. I don’t mind going for these occasionally, but I really can’t enjoy it every week. If I grumble about this, she sulks and doesn’t talk to me. I want to please her, but I’d like to do something quieter occasionally, just the two of us. She doesn’t seem to be interested. I’m wondering if we don’t belong together. Shall I continue to go just to please her, or should I refuse and tell her why?
Ray.
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Dear Ray,
There has to be give and take in any relationship. If you really feel you have to go along just to please her, it is totally up to you. I think the better thing to do is work out a compromise where you both get to do what you like. So maybe you could mention a movie, or going out for a meal or a drink, or just a day on the beach. I think you should mention that even though you don’t enjoy clubbing etc. all that much, you are going just to be with her. So she should also reciprocate. A relationship where one person is giving in all the time to the other is not a healthy one. It should work both ways.
Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,
My husband picks his parents up every Sunday and brings them over for the day. We miss out on so many things, and the kids are beginning to grumble too. He might get upset if I mention anything to him, because he’s an only child and very attached to them. The weekend is the only time we have together as a family since everyone is so busy on weekdays. Sometimes I wish we could do something by ourselves on a Sunday. Do you think I’m an unreasonable, selfish person? I have to tell the kids to be quiet when they complain about being in on a Sunday.
Rani.
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Dear Rani,
There’s no point in resenting these visits inside and being nice on the surface. Your husband is a very caring son. Why don’t you check out an activity you would like to go to on a Sunday and include them too? There are inexpensive ways of spending the day. Or else, why don’t you suggest that you take them out to dinner on a Friday or Saturday night, I’m sure they will enjoy that too. Tell your husband that the kids are protesting about spending every Sunday at home and maybe occasionally they could come on Saturday? Maybe it hasn’t even occurred to him that you all will want to do something else. Discuss things with him and I’m sure he will agree to your suggestions.
Aunty Pat.
