Aunty Pat

Are you in need of advice? Do you, perhaps, have something that’s bothering you which you can’t share with your friends and family? Write to Aunty Pat and she will answer in her no-nonsense style, just like one of your own aunties. Feel free to write in with a pseudonym if you’d like to remain anonymous.

Dear Aunty Pat,

I’ve been married for four months. Everything is fine except that my husband went and bought a puppy dog without asking me. We have had it for about a month now, and it is driving me crazy. My husband thinks it’s cruel to leave it in a cage even at night, so it is running amok in my house. It is chewing things up and refuses to be toilet trained. My hubby is mad over the creature. Sometimes I think he likes the dog better than me. I don’t like its smell, and I have to bathe, feed, clean up its mess and even take it to the vet. I feel like having it out with my husband, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m a mean person. Please help me find a solution to this problem.

Roshi.
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Dear Roshi,

Yes, a dog is a lot of additional work. The positive side of it is you will end up with a loving, faithful friend for life. You will have to get your husband to help with the work when he is around. Time the doggie’s baths and visits to the vet during the weekend maybe when he’s at home. Say you need help and I’m sure he’ll oblige. You could also ask your vet for advice on how to toilet train it. That will save you a lot of mopping and cleaning. You could gradually suggest that if it is left in a kennel in the night when it grows bigger it would be a good guardian as well. There’s no reasoning with an animal lover, so you might as well make the best of the situation and who knows, you might end up an adoring owner as well!

Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,

I’m a 15-year-old boy studying in an international school. My PT teacher is making my life miserable. She asked me to join the basketball team because she saw me playing one day. The thing is I have tuition in the evenings since my parents say I have to concentrate on doing well in my studies now. The practices clash with these classes. This teacher thinks I’m just dodging and is always picking on me. For the first time, I have started disliking going to school. My friends also notice that she’s always being nasty to me. I haven’t told my parents anything because I think they will immediately want to come to school and investigate things and it will probably make matters worse. What can I do about this?

Jay.
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Dear Jay,

A well rounded education means participation in other activities besides studies. Why don’t you try and reason with her and ask if she could have some practices first thing in the morning, or join swimming or some other activity which takes place in the morning? Most schools suspend other activities just before exams anyway, so can’t you try and go occasionally at least? If she still continues to be nasty, you will have to inform your parents so they could find a solution to the situation. Act on this fast, because it is simply awful to be forced to be in a place or situation that is making your life miserable on a daily basis.

Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,

My best friend and I have known each other from playgroup days in school. Now we are in our 20’s and though we have both made other friends, we are still best buddies. She started going out with a guy a few months ago. I’m still single. They include me in lots of their outings and so I have become quite friendly with him too. Suddenly, I got a call from him saying he thinks he likes me better than my friend. I got a shock and told him off and hung up. For the past two weeks I have been avoiding meeting them and I don’t answer when he calls. I’m wondering if I should tell my friend or if I should just ignore him and be normal as possible. I’m worried that she might think I encouraged this situation and I will lose her friendship. Please advise me.

S. R.
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Dear S.R.,

You can’t avoid things forever. But you have acted correctly given the situation. This guy should first have the decency to tell your friend he has fallen for someone else. Instead of which, he’s still keeping her going. You obviously don’t want to lose your friend. It would be the worst possible thing to think you had anything to do with this situation. I think you should tell her what happened or else she will wonder why you didn’t mention anything to her. You will also have to say he’s still calling you but you haven’t spoken to him. I can’t predict how she will react but you will have to take it from there. The sooner you do this the better.

Aunty Pat.
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Dear Aunty Pat,

I am an only child and my parents are almost in their eighties. They have a helper to look after them, but I feel I should do more and keep them in my home. My wife objects, saying what about her parents, they will also wonder why they weren’t asked too. She also says we will be quite cramped with the kids still with us as they aren’t married yet. She points out that in addition to her other responsibilities she will have to watch over them and her activities will be curtailed. We have had a couple of arguments over this and I don’t want to keep on fighting. I don’t know what to do about this because I feel guilty.

Mr. S.
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Dear Mr. S.,

Your motives are certainly to be admired. But I have found that lots of old people don’t like to change their routine and like to be on their own. So they might not even like the change and might want to stick to their own familiar environment. Your wife is correct in a sense since you will be at your job for most of the day. I would think the best thing is to keep regularly in contact with them. You could bring them over in the weekend for the day or take them out where they will be comfortable occasionally. If there is a person already overseeing them, I don’t think you need to worry. But you could visit often with your family. If they are not ill, I don’t think you should worry. So try and work out a compromise with your wife, maybe she can take them out occasionally or visit during the day when you aren’t available. The main thing is to see they are all right.

Aunty Pat.

Please email any questions you may have for Aunty Pat to auntypatto@gmail.com