The Sunday Leader


Long lines
A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.
“Did you manage to kill him?”, everyone asks him.
“No, that line is longer than this one,” he replies.


Robber meets Rajapaksa
Robber: Give me all your money!
Rajapaksa: Do you know who I am?
I am Mahinda Percy Rajapaksa.
Robber: OK. Give me all my money!

12 Comments for “Nutshell”

  1. K.Dee

    Sad indeed is this all the stale stuff you have for Nutshell. It seems the Leader is soon going to be the leaderless or THE LEAD

  2. Aiyo Mahinda

    Ha ha ha..Good one and I would say both jokes are very realistic if not could even be true…This is the actual and gut feeling that most people have for the Hora/motta president….an absoute dick head who needs to become history sooner rather than later..

  3. punchinilame

    The Confidential Financial Adisory to HE will now take up the case of
    bringing disrepute to HE against the Editor – if he dares to!

  4. Disgusted

    These are in very poor taste, we have to show respect and honour for His Excellency, it is this type of cheap reporting that makes us shun this once
    interesting newspaper…………come on please show a bit more responsibility
    and good journalism in your reports, light hearted or otherwise, it is not a joke
    to talk about killing his excellency, Jansz I am hoping that you had not seen
    these stupid, outdated, sick jokes published – if not wake up and clean up
    your act.

    • Lanka Pakse

      Oiii Disgusted…..These are factual remarks..What respect does our president and his goons have today..The rob, cheat, kill nad conduct themselves with utmost shame and you want us to resepct these Morons…This is the voice of many people all over Sri lanka now and it is a good litmus test/feedback for all, to know how the masses think and feel about our uselesss and hopeless leaders…Only the Leader and Jansz have the guts to publsh the truth not suck up like the other state newspapers singing false praises to these parasites..good that you are disgusted, we are more disgusted too.

      • Disgusted

        Lanka Paksa – A litmus test is a question asked of a potential candidate for high office, the answer to which would determine whether the nominating official would proceed with the appointment or nomination. Mahinda is already elected as the president of this country so not only are you a disgusted moron but you are an uneducated one too. Respecting the President is something you are thought whilst being brought up and educated at school, it seems that you have been brought up at Mariakade and not gone to school. Using a word you have picked up without knowing the meaning is enough proof that you are nothing but an empty vessel……..stay in your league asshole, which is under some stone or in a sewer……some people just cannot be educated or thought
        basis manners.

        • Lanka Pakse

          Oii Disgusted..So you still believe that Mahinda was democraticaly elected?
          I was taught(not thought) to also respect ones belief and not necessarliy have to respect anyone if they don’t earn or command that respect,,and that is my choice and my choice alone.
          You may think I am uneducated and that is your opinion..but at least I know the basic difference between taught and thought… I am also proud of myself where I ivce by and stand by my beliefs and principles and I still think that the common masses are not happy at all with the present Govt and its leaders, which is the primary purpose and subject of this article, which we need to focus on.

    • Anil

      I am anti Rajapakse but these jokes should not come in a newspaper. Good for email circulation amongst friends.

  5. Otherside

    This is pathetic. Sick jokes. Learn to respect the President for whatever good he has done.

  6. SamSamNorway

    This place is becoming like LankaENews….

  7. Dhammika

    GOOD he has done – MUST BE JOKING ….

    HE has taken the country and its men as jokers …….dont be fooled any more ……wake up……..before you get in to a coma………

  8. roma

    Respect our president

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