The Sunday Leader

Of Bandakkas, Wattakkas And International Conspiracies

Nodath and Sududath alumni of the Forward School for Backward Boys were discussing the budget which most of the nation seems to have forgotten.

Nodath: Hell of a problem no machang. Mrs. Nodath is in a fury. Wattakka, Bandakka, Gotukola, Vatakolu, Vambatu all gone up. Bread, flour. Cutliss, pattis all went up before the budget. Other things will also go up. But she says no one of talking about all that. They are worried about an impeachment and 13th Amendment. As if we can eat those things no?
Sududath: World market forces no machang. IMF, World Bank. Look at Greece, Portugal, Italy and Spain. Waiter, waiter, bring the usual. Has ice and soda also gone up? Has our Golden Water of Life also gone up? Price was increased only for foreign liquor no?

World Market and whisky prices

Waiter: Market forces Sir. When whisky goes up people drink arrack and the demand for arrack increases. Demand and supply principles Sir. Fundamental forces in economics. Ask our ‘tuition Sir’ Bandula, the economics expert…..
Nodath: You come home and tell Mrs. Nodath about IMF, Greece and Portugal. She will give you Bandakka. Your Weerawansa types, when they were in the opposition, said simple matter to control world market forces. “pull out the plug – IMF, World Bank’. Now can’t pull?
Sududath: Have patience, Our Mahinda Chintanaya will work in the end.

Formula 1

Nodath: Your Chintanaya is putting more hats. Now my Podi Eka is demanding a racing car. Not those we buy from toyshops for Christmas but real live ones – He wants Perraris, Astra Magarines, Jaggaris. Says he won’t go to school next year if I won’t buy one.
Sududath:  Machang . You are talking like a real Yakko. You mean Ferraris, Aston Martins and Jaguars. Formula One cars….
Nodath: Never mind the names. As Shakesperrra, we learned at school said: A Rosie by any other name is a Rosie. Why do we want racing cars? What about second hand Japanese cars, which our Manthrithumas and AMPees were using before they were elected or crossed- over? My Podi Eka is demanding an 8 cylinder Jaggiris or something like that. Mrs. Nodath told him she can’t afford even a gas cylinder which has once again gone up. Now what to do with the Podi Eka next year?  He won’t go to school unless in a Jaggiris or something.
Sudath: Why don’t you get a car import permit? Most of those flashy vehicles moving about are on car import permits, which reduce prices by less than half.
Nodath: Who do you think I am? Amathithuma, AMPee or some hot shot down South? A permit will cost at least a million bucks. I can’t get that amount even if I sell my house.
Sududath: Don’t be so defeatist. Be like Mervyn Silva…..
Nodath: You mean tie up officials to trees and assault News Directors?
Sududath: No. Didn’t you read the report? He says he would buy racing cars for these children if they want them. Must have been born rich no?
Nodath: Never mind Silva. He must be talking of buying racing cars from toyshops in the Pettah for Christmas. But why does Mahinda, the President of the Hambantota peasants want racing cars to be imported? Does he want to be macho and zoom around town, hood down?
Sududath: Of course he is Macho. Look at his mousto. He sprints around Independence Square……
Nodath: I am not Macho, Can’t afford even to buy bandakka and wattakka.
Sududath: Your fault machang. You are always on the losing side. Be like me. Always on the winning side. Even if the winning side loses I will be on the losing side that won. Why don’t you ask Sajith for a contribution? He is reported to be giving millions to temples. If he gives you a million that will also be pin no? Giving the needy is merit no?


Nodath: You are just bana talking. Order another round of drinks and let’s talk of the impeachment.
Sududath: Fortunately machang the impeachment came to our rescue. The Rajapaksa stars are shining. String hoppers, egg hoppers, plain hoppers, rotti, pittoo all going sky high with Bandakka,Wattakka, etc. Then the rain-washed out the match at Pallakelle. Yes, we won the series but nowadays can’t con the people like saying we won because we played according to the Chintanaya principles. Then came the impeachment. Otherwise we too may have been blown up sky high. Now people are starving and fortunately talking only about the impeachment and occasionally about the evergreen diversion the 13th Amendment. But the impeachment remains the top of the pops.
Nodath: But the impeachment may also cause a lot of kollopang. UN officials are threatening, British MPs are being asked not to attend the Commonwealth Conference. Can be ha- ho in Maho!
Sududath: That is what we say. There is an international conspiracy against the Rajapaksa government. Even the Welikada prison riots is a calculated international conspiracy against the progressive…

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