Lankans Will Land On Sun At Sunset

Government supporters were upbeat last week. ‘The Americans now want to learn from us. The US marines have asked our Ambassador Maj. Gen Shavendra Silva lecture to them on how to defeat terrorism,’ a politico- military strategist Dr. Pandang Lokendra was saying at a seminar on ‘Geneva and Beyond’ last week. The world was beginning to feel the impact of Sri Lankan brain power, he claimed.
‘Never mind the Marine Corps. Why aren’t our front rank leaders at Geneva now? We have sent only our Second X1 with G. L. Peiris as the first reserve,’ a UNP dissident from the audience queried.
You want to know whom we are sending to Geneva? I can tell you whom we are sending to Mars, Venus and beyond. Sri Lanka is now leading in the Space Race. Soon we will be planting the Lion Flag on the Sun, Dr. Pandang Lokendra replied.

Sun Landing

A voice from the audience: How can you land on the Sun; you will burn up long before you reach it.
That’s the trouble with you defeatist fellows who can’t even enter Siri Kotha. You must develop your brains. Eat Balaya as Minister Weerawansa advised.

Eat Ambul Thiyal for brain power was Dr. Lokendra’s advice.
But Balaya power can’t prevent you from being roasted by the Sun, the Dissenter protested.

Don’t you worry. We will land on the Sun without burning. We will land there at sunset, Lokendra revealed to the stunned audience. You don’t get roasted on Galle Face Green watching the Sun set, he pointed out sagely.
That was sheer Sri Lankan genius. Not Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking had even thought about it — landing on the Sun at Sunset.
But it’s hard to make UNP dissidents shut up as Ranil Wickremesinghe will tell you.

Geneva

Never mind landing on the Sun .Why aren’t our leaders at Geneva now? The Dissident kept asking.
An exasperated Dr. Lokendra said it was difficult to explain diplomacy to Siri Kotha Yakkos. Only those learned in foreign affairs like Wimal Weerawansa understand these things. Heads of state don’t attend UNHCR sessions at Geneva. They send their representatives. They have more important tasks to perform at home, Lokendra hectored.
Dissident: Like presenting letters of appointment personally to new government recruits with Rupavahini cameras in focus?

Alternative

Dr. Lokendra said that the purpose of the seminar was to discuss ‘Geneva and Beyond’ and not potty issues. This Geneva circus every February with Channel 4 presenting a new edition has to end. A proposal has been made to hold a parallel Summit for violation of Human Rights by our accusers: America, EU and the rest of the gang. The appointment of a War Crimes Tribunal presided by a Sri Lankan Chief Justice can be considered. We have quite distinguished persons in the field of human rights such as Mervyn Silva, Wimal Weerawansa for the post of Human Rights Commissioner. It could be called RUNHCR- Reverse United Nations Human Rights Commission. Instead of BBC’s Channel 4 we could have Rupavahini’s Channel Zero.
Dissident: What would be the venue?

Lokendra: Hambantota of course. We have the Mattala International Airport with no congestion at all. Plenty of star class hotels are coming up. The area will be dotted with closed stadiums and there is of course Yala to demonstrate our commitment to animal rights
What are the countries that will attend RUNHCR?

Burkina Faso, Rwanda, Nigeria, Somalia, Mali, Ethiopia, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan. North Korea, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Bahrain and other African and Middle East countries. These are our friends, not those Geneva Johnnies.
What will this new RUNHCR do?

What else but pass resolutions like what they do at the UNHCR. What does the great United Nations do other than to pass resolutions? So we will keep passing resolutions. Does any one care? Who cares?
Voice: Just like the good old Non Aligned times.

Sri Lanka Centric theory

Dissident: Coming back to landing on the Sun, there is not Sun set on the Sun. So how can there be a landing at Sun Set?
Lokendra: You are being influenced by Judeo-Christian perverted scientific concepts such as the Helio Centric theory according to which the Earth and the planets go round the Sun. The Jews and Christians themselves did not believe that and those who did were burnt at stake. Don’t believe all that. The World does not go round the Sun or the Sun does not go round the World. Realise that the Sun and the entire universe goes round Sri Lanka. Then you will realise that we can land on the Sun at sunset.