Aunty Pat

Dear Aunty Pat,

I’m separated from my husband for the past 20 years. He keeps in touch with my daughter and me. He has developed a psychiatric disorder and so, he is not working. His family takes care of him. Recently, he has started calling and texting me more often than usual. Finally I told him to stop because he was disturbing me at work. Then he intensified his efforts and kept calling me non stop even though I didn’t answer. This is stressing me out and I can’t sleep at night because of this disturbance.

I don’t want to go to the police or anything like that, but how can I get him to leave me alone, because he hasn’t listened to me when I asked him to. Please help me, I’m falling ill as well often and the doctor says it is all due to stress.


Dear Jenny,

You can call your telephone companies and get his number blocked so that he can’t call you. If he tries to come wherever you are, please don’t open the door to him. Let him ring the doorbell and you wait it out until he gets tired of it and goes away. After a while it should sink in that you want no contact with him whatsoever.

If he still persists, you will have to contact his family and tell them that you will be forced to go to the police.
This will show that you mean business and then they should sit up and take notice and persuade him to stop this behaviour.
Tell them that you had to go to the doctor because this is making you ill. Hopefully this will put a stop to all this and you will be able to lead a relaxed, peaceful life.

Aunty Pat.


Dear Aunty Pat,

Due to financial problems, I have had to take on additional work to supplement my income. My wife works part-time and we have one son who is 11 years old.
I’m always tired at the end of the day and now we hardly talk or do anything together as a family.

My wife seems very off hand and on several occasions when I get back home at night she has gone out and left my son asleep with the domestic helper to keep an eye on my son. When I ask her where she has been, she says she was at a friend’s place and that she has no company because I get back late. I told her I didn’t enjoy doing this but it was necessary.

I happened to bump into a friend of hers with whom she had been the previous evening and when I asked what they had been doing, she looked puzzled and said that my wife hadn’t been with her.

When I confronted my wife, she said I had got it wrong and she was with another friend. I’m quite certain she mentioned this lady’s name.
I’m now getting suspicious and wondering where she’s actually going. Should I check this out?

Disappointed man

Dear Disappointed,

Well, I suppose you can check her phone and follow her and see where she is going, but you have to be prepared for the fact that you might not like what comes of it. Considering you are putting such a lot of effort to keep the home fires burning, if she is doing something she shouldn’t, she is a very ungrateful person. She should be waiting for you when you get back and sit and have dinner with you and ease your tiredness.

You will have to satisfy yourself anyway or else you won’t be able to carry on your normal activities.

So you might as well check out what she is doing and then act accordingly. Get someone to talk to her and tell her that she is doing something very selfish anyway by having you return home to find her gone out. It is also irresponsible of her to go out on a regular basis and leave your child alone with the maid. Be firm and tell her you expect her support as well in this relationship.

There’s no point in exhausting yourself over someone who doesn’t appreciate your efforts. Be more assertive and explain exactly what you expect of her.

Aunty Pat.


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