Aunty Pat

Dear Aunty Pat,

I am in my final year at school. After my A’ Levels, my parents want me to do higher studies. I want to join a band as a singer, as I can sing very well from the time I was small and I always dream of being in a band. Some friends of mine who know some musicians have said they will take me in. My parents are dead against this and say what kind of a profession for a girl, etc. as they are old fashioned. This is what I really want to do, why are they being so stubborn? Please tell me what to tell them so they will allow me to follow my dreams.

Dear Dee,

I’m sorry, but I agree with your parents. In this country, this is not a profession where you can earn a steady income unless you are in one of the top bands. In case you weren’t aware of it, most of these band members have regular jobs and perform in the nights when they have a booking. That is another thing, most of the bookings are in the night and so you will be having lots of late nights which is not such a good thing. If you have real talent, it will never go away. I suggest you study something that will help to get you in a regular profession. If you can fit in an odd occasion where you can perform maybe on a day in the weekend I suppose it’s all right, but yet again you will have to keep up with your studies. I suggest you get some sort of a qualification and then see how you can work the music part of it in. Then you will have an option to fall back on. Maybe you can join one of the choirs so you can have music in your life too whilst you study.

Aunty Pat.
Dear Aunty Pat,

Recently when my wife and I did an overseas trip, we asked my mother-in-law to come and stay with our two kids since we didn’t want them to be alone with the servants. She lives alone after my father-in-law passed away 2 years ago. Now it is over two weeks after we got back and she is still here.
When I ask my wife why she won’t go back to her own place and she says how she can ask her and things like that. I feel we have no privacy as she interferes in most decisions we take. I know I sound really ungrateful, but I want us to be a family without having someone always contradicting whatever I say or do.
She has an opinion on everything, the food we eat, the servants, the kids, our social life, you name it and she doesn’t approve of it.
This is driving me crazy and I no longer look forward to going home at the end of the day. How can I solve this problem?

Dear L.P.,

You will have to have a discussion with your wife and explain that you no longer look forward to coming home. I’m sure that will shock her into some sort of response. You are right to think she shouldn’t interfere with your lifestyle.
Tell your wife that the two of you will begin to clash. If your mother-in-law’s health is normal and she can manage to stay on her own, there is no necessity for her to stay on.
The other alternative would be to ask your wife to talk to her and say that you both would appreciate it if she allows you to live your life the way you see fit. But I can see your point of view, there is nothing like being together as a family without having to think before you say or do something because someone else is there.
If she is lonely maybe you can suggest she takes in a friend to stay with her for company.

Aunty Pat.

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2 Comments for “Aunty Pat”

  1. DMR Gunawardene

    You cannot be a singer full time in SL unfortunately as it is a very poor country where poverty is high. In first world countries like Australia and Canada this is possible with very good rewards. So stick to a 9 to 5 job and do sining as a hobby.

  2. H P PULLE

    When I got married I laid some simple ground rules to my partner that is that we should never call the other’s parents mummy/daddy we could call them aunty/uncle. Further that we should never chit chat with them. Our parents lived with us for nearly 25 years they were an asset to our children and to us and we took them alongwith us where ever we went never had a fight with them any time due to this.
    The best advice I can give this person is just to listen to the MIL and do exactly what she tells not to do and when she asks why it was done just to ignore it. It will solve the problem in no time and all will be happy after some time.

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