The Sunday Leader

Living It Up On Laysiyata Leasing

By Gamini Weerakoon

Avurudhu Kumaraya is a perennial guest on the days of the Avuruddha since the times of our ancestors. The lanky handsome man decked in silk and gold, had arrived on a gleaming white stallion in the days of old but now he arrives in one of those   million dollar vehicles that makes girls go running and  leap into them while on the move.

Old boys like me love to have a chat with him about days gone by and present times while old girls do not like him at all. Perhaps they too had a crush on him in the past and wanted a ride on his white stallion. Anyway, women don’t like perpetual bachelors who don’t age.
So, Avurudhu, a gentleman to the hilt, poured just two fingers of the finest of scotch with ice and soda by himself into the best cut-glass we possessed and looking around our humble abode said: I say you seem to be doing well. This fellow Maithripala must be treating you fairly and squarely. New furniture, marble tiled floors, Bokhara carpets, Two of George Keyts on the Wall Jaguar and a high breed dog, and I can’t guess the breed, in the garden……

No. no, I had these before Maithri even during Rajapaksa regime….. We interjected.

Avurudhu: Then why did you get rid of the poor fellow. Damn unfair. No?

No, No. We had to correct our guest. This is all Laysiyata Leasing….

What the hell is this damned Laysiyata Lashing or Bashing or some dashed thing you said? queried our guest.
 
Easy cash

We explained: On TV during programmes there are short breaks (Kati Viramayaks) for advertising. And they offer all these goods—Furniture, TV electrical goods and all what a person does not need for initial payment on short term interest and long term payment. These are the results around you, we said proudly pointing to our acquisitions.

Avurudhu: But you should be paying massive capital payments and interest. Otherwise they will seize your goods.
Obviously Avurudhu was from another planet and we apprised him of the situation.

Kramavedaya

In Sri Lanka, if you watch TV, you will be told that there is a kramavedayas (methodology) to every process. If you follow this Kramavedaya all would be OK.

Under the Laysiyata leasing you buy goods under this scheme or even credit cards. Your best friend does the same and buys the same kind but not identical goods.  He puts his goods in your house and you put yours in his house. When payments are due and the Julius Seizers or Squeezers arrive, you point out that these goods are not from his establishment and your friend does the same to his Julius Squeezers. A photo or two of the two best known law enforcers in town on your wall your Loku Aiyaas will send them scrambling out. A-b-r-a-c-a-d-a-b-r-a, all that is in the house is yours.

Avurudhu: What happens to the good old Sri Lankan habit of Savings—kids putting their coins in clay tills?
Useless, we said. Kids smash up the pot when the first coin is put in.   Save Rs 25,000 in five years how much will it be worth? You can’t buy a shirt at this rate of inflation.

Avurudhu gave up. He quaffed up another two fingers and predicted we would be inside Welikada soon.

Welikada? Why worry? There is now luxury Merchants Ward inside it with qualified nurses, saunas. Casinos and the whole works. No point in coming out. Special guests can stay as long as they want.

Avurudhu, the law abiding guest was aghast. You want to be a criminal in a luxury prison for how long?

Not to worry we said. My family and I have permanent visas for five different countries. Thanks to Layseyata Leasing, Credit cards etc sky is the limit. Once I jump and go from the country, I will be free like a bird, like a bee……..

Avurudhu: But if those countries catch you they will deport you back to Welikada and this time there will be no luxury Merchants wards.

But can’t I come to your country. You can issue me and my family visas. I have enough cash from Layseyata Leasing and credit cards……
Avurudhu got to his feet in a hurry and didn’t even finish his drink. I am going he said and walked out fast….
But what of a visa for me and my family?

There are no visas for rogues or their family in my country Avurudhu said getting into a wheel spin.

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