The Sunday Leader

Election Defeat: International Conspiracy Or Hooniyam?

By Gamini Weerakoon

Two old friends of the Forward School for Backward Boys were meeting at their Waterhole to analyse the election results.

So, how- how Machang what happened to your Rajapaksa? Fell down like a jak tree in the monsoon winds no? Crashing and smashing all beneath, said Nodath a dyed-in-the-green Sri Kotha supporter.

What to do  yakko? Knowing people will know-no, mumbled Sududath, leftist theoretician and supporter of the UPFA — by hook or by crook. Never mind let’s at least will drown our (sorry my) sorrows.

Lamayo, Lamayo,’ he called for the waiter. ’DD full bottle ekak, ice and soda. Sorry, can’t order Scotch now no. No government, no job, no money, Sududath lamented.

Nodath was sympathetic to his old friend though political rival.

What to do Machang, what happens to ‘Heppenstall happens to all’ as the Mount Mary people used to say. Remember those lovely girls? Never mind that was a long time ago no? Now they are grandmothers in Australia; what to do? The Heppenstall Law is like Newton’s Law. Everything that goes up has to come down. Heppenstall they say ate and boozed to his heart’s content not giving a damn for the future and when he went broke. He died in a drain.



Never mind, all your high flying philosophy cracked Sududath. It was an international conspiracy. We know what happened. Ask Juval Beerawansa, the acknowledged authority on international conspiracies.

Ah, that fellow who says that when his party loses a pradeshiya sabha election, it is an international conspiracy hatched by Ranil Wickremesinghe, the CIA, Britain’s MI6, and RAW?

Sududath, the leftist disagreed. No, he is an authority on the subject. In fact Juval Beerawansa is a nickname he had adopted to hide his identity just like other great revolutionaries. Vladimir Lenin’s real name Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov; Joseph Stalin was originally Josef Vissarionovich Dijugasvili, and Leon Trotsky was Lev Davidovich Bronstein. They all had to take cover names for security.

Machang had you studied the Kumarodaya, and Guttila Kavya you would have passed the SSC and got a decent job. But never mind all that. What’s the international conspiracy he is alleging?

Sududath: Ranil did a computer jillmart and got 500,000 votes and the UNP doubled their vote from 2.3 million in 2010 to 5.0 million in 2015 while the UNP underworld stole Rosy’s votes.


Computer jillmart

Nodath: Not at all. Our Sri Kotha computer experts are saying your side also did some juggling but messed it up. How could Beerawansa get 300,000 and Mahinda 400,000 and your side still lose the election? Juval Beerawansa is a decent fellow. He got the name Beerawansa not because he was fond of Beer. He couldn’t afford even a plain tea in his youth nor did he have time to climb Sripada or visit Sigiriya. He was called Beera because UNPers said he was stone deaf to logic —a beerek.

Nodath: Your party must decide on the kind of conspiracy deployed – Computer Jillmart, substituting ballot boxes while in transit to counting centres, stealing manape votes at counting centres or the old fashion tactic of ‘bath packet and a bottle of arrack’. I will give you a tip. Investigate bribery of astrologers and deployment of Hooniyam.

Find out who gave a dead rope to Mahinda on the inauspicious time and day to hold the presidential election? I know the CIA got to Mahinda’s Achilles’ Heel – astrologers. Using RAW Indian decoys they bribed astrologers to give Mahinda dead ropes.

The RAW then got to Thovil ceremonies which Sinhalese down centuries have sworn by. They performed Hooniyam and buried charms in compounds of the Rajapaksas. Mahinda got wind of the possibility of Hooniyam quite late. That’s why he fled to Kurunegala.

So what to do Machang? asked Sududath in desperation.

Nodath: Remember Vermin Silva who unearthed a Hooniyam buried in the Rosemead Place residence of Mrs. B. Get him to your side. Poor fellow is now trying to jump into the Kelani Ganga after Ranil said, no.

3 Comments for “Election Defeat: International Conspiracy Or Hooniyam?”

  1. Gabriella

    I wonder what our two learned friends think of political rejects getting into parliament through the back door via the National List. Also, their thoughts on why ill gotten wealth lying in foreign bank accounts, and real estate portfolios acquired way beyond earning capacity remains so difficult to trace or confiscate.

    With the boys indulgence may I humbly get the debate rolling with the observation: that one dog simply does not dare eat another dogs bone, because the repercussions could be horrendous. Could this be a reason for the lack of action?

  2. Mahen

    People of Colombo need a thovil ceremony to clear their heads. If they are not crazy how will they give Beerawanse 300K votes while leaving a capable lady like Rosy back in the hutch?

  3. daggy

    Election defeat certainly can not ne a Hooniyam as the West/INGOs/ HR Orgs are bigger devils more powerful than Hooniyams.

    Looking at the preferential votes received by a band of politicians its no Hooniyam.

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