HELL hath no fury like a woman scorned they say. And who should know it better than our Satellite. And there in Cut-mon-doo last week, the lady was breathing fire like a dragon in full flight heaping abuse on the leading types and the dentist with the big mouth.

And telling the wild asses of necklaces that can be got cheaper than at home, Satellite said she however couldn't purchase such baubles because if she did, the leading types would rush to write about it and the dentist would then shout about it. "What can I do if their families drape themselves in paankada?" she huffed.

Hmm.. guess it's not all who can boast of a rags to riches tale eh?

BUT Satellite also created records in Cut-mon-doo much to the shame of Lanka. Her reputation for late arrival which has reached international heights was in full evidence when she breezed in 25 minutes for the opening ceremony of saarc keeping everyone twiddling their thumbs. And this prompted one injun ass to make a crack across the hall to a Lankan ass that the paradisian asses should buy the president a wrist watch for her birthday.

And if that wasn't enough, Satellite then kept the king of Nay-paul waiting 45 minutes for the banquet!

AND now we know why Satellite has been complaining that no secrets can be kept at Araliya Gus. It is in such an appalling state that there are leaks from the roof with the paint also peeling off. And the pee em who didn't fancy carrying an umbrella during cupboard meets was in a fix given the austerity measures he has been dishing out to the ministering angels. And now, the man has commissioned a new paint job at his own expense!

AND the new pee em was also none too pleased after hearing stories of how some ministering angels and their beefy security chaps have been muscling their way on the high streets inconveniencing motorists and pedestrians no end. And he has issued a stern warning that if he heard any more such stories, the offenders would be severely dealt with.

Dee Moo Jay was locked in the horns of a dilemma last week. Poor man was flying with the emirs to the lion city and got himself locked in the loo. And after a lot of fist-banging and cries for help in that trademark stentorian tone, it took dear wifey to go help out a very pi--ed off hubby!

REMEMBER those famous aerial shots of Ass Bee's Hung-oo-runket home that were splashed on tee vee screens not too long ago? Well, the cat is now out of the bag as to how it was done. A little bird whispers that Pee Es Dee terror Nihal Karu called up the air chief and said a helicopter was urgently needed to do a reconnaissance of Kandy for Satellite.