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When love dies conflicts erupt

By Risidra Mendis

Love can make you give up a lot of things:  your parents, your freedom, your job. But  not your children. For Kalhari Edirisinghe Jayawardena meeting her husband Naullage Nalin Jayawardena for the first time changed her life forever.

Kalhari was a stewardess and met him on a flight to Sri Lanka on which he was a passenger. Nalin, an architect employed in Germany, was on his way to Sri Lanka to visit his parents.

As Kalhari fell deeply in love with Nalin, her whole world began to revolve around the man she hoped she would spend the rest of her life with.

Little did she realise that the very feelings of love she had for this man would end up with her losing her  most precious possession - her baby son. And if not for the prompt and efficient work of her lawyers, Kalhari would have lost her daughter as well.

The whole saga of Kalhari and Nalin's love affair began many years ago. All Kalhari wanted was to get married to the man she loved and start a family. However her parents were against her getting married to Nalin. Despite their protests and advice, Kalhari, their only child, tied the knot with Nalin on September 22, 1995.

"My father was abroad and didn't know I was getting married. My mother didn't come for the wedding since my father was away," said Kalhari. Having given up her job as a stewardess on her husband's advice, Kalhari transferred her non resident foreign currency account to Nalin's name.

"Nalin told me he was going to buy some land in my name and I believed him. But it was only in 2002 that I found out that Nalin had bought the land in his name," Kalhari said.

Turn for the worse

Once in Germany, life was to take a turn for the worse. Nalin forced Kalhari to stay at home and was totally against her leaving the house on her own for any reason.

On several occasions when the couple returned to Sri Lanka for a vacation, Kalhari wasn't even allowed to see her parents.

Kalhari says that her husband wanted to get back at her parents for not approving their marriage. "Whenever I wanted to see my parents I had to be accompanied by my brother in law. I was never even allowed to travel alone except when I traveled from Germany to Sri Lanka" Kalhari said.

On September 24, 1996, Kalhari gave birth to their baby girl Hiruni in Germany. In 1997, Nalin told her that it would be safe to keep all her jewellery with his sister in Sri Lanka. She was now left without her money and all her jewellery. All she had was her baby girl.

Despite the unhappiness and mental anguish Kalhari went through, she was overjoyed when she found out that she was pregnant for the second time. Baby Dinith was born on January 18, 2000 also in Germany. However, with the birth of her son, Kalhari's problems took a turn for the worse.

Nalin began to abuse and assault her. "One day he pushed me against the wall and held me by my neck and screamed at me," Kalhari said.

Kalhari says she put up with Nalin's violent behaviour for many years for the sake of the children. But then there came a day when she couldn't take it anymore.

"I was treated like a servant in my own home. Finally, when Nalin assaulted me physically on September 9, 2001, I went to the Mirihana police station and made a complaint," Kalhari said.

Meanwhile, Nalin had also arrived at the police station with a relative and created a scene. He then tried to abduct her son. In order to settle the dispute between the two parties, the Mirihana police had given sole custody of Dinith to Nalin since September 9, 2001, and the custody of Hiruni to Kalhari.

Defied order

Kalhari said that the Negombo Magistrate had made an order prohibiting Nalin from leaving the country. In spite of the court order, Baby Dinith was taken out of the country on flight  LT 725 on October 1, 2001, accompanied by Nalin's brother Saman Jayawardena.

Still, Kalhari felt that all was not lost since she still had Hiruni with her. However, Nalin, who left for Germany soon after, had then applied to the Justice Ministry of Sri Lanka seeking permission to take his six year old daughter to Germany as well.

Nalin had sought relief under the provisions of the International Child Abduction Act (ICAA) No 10 of 2001.

When the application came up for hearing in the Court of Appeal the counsel for the petitioner informed court that the ICAA came into operation only on March 1, 2002, and the alleged incident of wrongful retention took place on September 12, 2001.

Having heard the submissions made by all parties, the court dismissed the Negombo High Court case No 249/2002 awarding custody of the daughter to Kalhari. This is the first case  under the ICAA act in Negombo on grounds of jurisdiction.

Commenting on the ruling in this case Kalhari said she was extremely grateful to Attorneys at Law, Kuvera De Zoysa, S Mahawanniarachchi and Dayananda who were instructed by G. G. Arulpragasam.

"These lawyers did not charge a cent from me. If I had to pay my lawyers I wouldn't have been able to pursue this case," she said.

According to Kalhari, it was a friend of hers who introduced her to Attorney at Law Amal Randeniya who in turn introduced her to De Zoysa and Arulpragasam.

Today Kalhari has her daughter, but her troubles are far from over. She continues to receive kidnap threats from her husband's contacts. But she is thankful that her daughter is seemingly unaffected by all the problems.

"She is an intelligent and bright child and is loved by her grandparents and teachers," she said.

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