4th  January, 2004 Volume 10, Issue 25

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NUTSHELL

Suba Aluth Avuruddak

Satellite began the new year true to form. Having partied from dusk till dawn the previous night she was not about to rise and shine on the first of the year. Having made merry she had all but forgotten that she had extended an invite to the three service chiefs and a host of others to come share kiributh and lunumiris the first morn at 9 a.m.

Snoozing off a heavy head, she finally surfaced in 2004. Shaking off her grogginess she breezed in at 2:15 p.m. cheerily calling out a happy new year to her breakfast guests. If looks could kill, the ones on the faces of the three service chiefs certainly said it all. What to do men... What to do...

 

PM in waiting

And the Clown Prince was not about to party in this ole paradise isle but made for his favourite of all places, the lost angels in Uncle Sam. His pals had gathered and organised a do for old times sake. At supper a toast was proposed. AB’s pal however sure had his wires crossed. Holding his glass high he crooned that AB had been offered the premiership by no less than two presidents — but had declined in keeping with his conscience. As the Clown Prince nodded sagely, another wag was heard to quip, “Yes, but he settled for a ministry from old Wijetunge...”  Hic... Hic...

 

The plot thickens

The attorney that is general was chuckling after reading a gem in the daily noise. The tale is suspected to have been planted by none other than Bookie Pala himself on the advice of his erstwhile confidant Nihal Sri.

The story read that the AG had called for the files on Choksy and Pasky on the Hilton saga. Jumping the gun as usual Nihal Sri had in spinning his fairy tale thickened the plot by saying the AG was looking at the files to charge the duo with criminal breach of trust. The AG could only laugh when quizzed by another black coat saying, “I have not called for any files. Maybe the man who planted the tale has done so.” Ha, ha, ha and a hoo!

 

Sadu... Sadu...

What with religious strife and political bashings Ra-kneel had a pow wow with the leading monks. At the meeting it was proposed that both Ra-kneel and Satellite meet in the presence of the monks and they would judge for themselves which of the two was being the most stubborn.

The small hamuduruwa however was not happy with the idea. “No way,” he said, adding that Satellite would have none of him as she cannot stand the sight of him. Instead of mediation the monks would have to resort to meditation after a meeting of this nature as sparks were sure to fly — and not just due to Ra-kneel. So, the idea like all others has been shelved. As the saying goes... ne’er the two shall meet...

 

Captain Cool breathes fire

Cricket in this paradise isle is never without its moments. As if the game has not got enough publicity what with Bookie Pala and his murderous chums doing the needy, Ara-Winder has also now jumped into the fray. The blot was last seen on the idiot box espousing the cause of Hush-an saying that when the Aussies from down under come to play, Hush-an will captain the side.

The idea hatched between Ara-Winder and Bookie Pala is to keep Marvan at bay. Why? Marvan is related to Captain Cool. The news has made Captain Cool blow hot and he was breathing fire and brimstone at all and sundry pointing an accusing finger at his old pal and cricket partner yelling the guy is playing dirty.

 

Howzat!

That is not all. Ara-Winder went another step further putting both feet into his mouth when he croaked recently, “It was my idea to boost cricket at the provinces.” The idea old boy was mooted for yonks by Captain Cool and the former cricketing hero was fuming saying Ara-Winder’s false claim to fame “is just not  cricket.”

Ara-Winder however is on a winning streak. His prosperity even attracted the attention of Satellite who was heard asking Captain Cool how come Ara-Winder is able to afford a bright red Ferrari that cost a cool 26 million smackers. “Can you earn so much money by playing cricket?” she asked Captain Cool and pat came the reply, “not the cricket that I played, Madam, not the cricket I played.” Ahem and Amen to that!

 

Too late

And when will Bookie Pala ever learn? This time around the schmuck called up Sumith from Badureliya and pleaded with the guy saying, “At least for the sake of my kids withdraw your complaint to the cee eye dee and save me from the gallows.” For good measure he threw in that he was planning to resign from the board that is cricket.

Sumith however had to gently point out to the shaking git that he had nothing to do with sending him to the gallows come January 8. As for his letter of resignation Sumith pointed out that Bookie Pala should have bowed out a long, long time ago. Why oh why, Sumith was heard asking did Bookie Pala not have the foresight to tell Dhammika goodbye many, many moons ago. At least he would have saved himself the bother of a prison cell. Too late old boy, too late...


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