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 Bare necessities and the Bali dude

Darling Satty,

The cabinet press briefing was a real tear-jerker last week I heard dear, as your chaps wiped salty droplets from their eyes explaining that your decision to raise the prices yet again hurt you more than it hurt the public.

The sad truth you told the journos were that you had to raise the prices. Shift the burden to the public. You might have carried the burden yourself if not for that bad back you've been complaining of the last few months. Thus, gas, petrol, kerosene just soaring away like a runaway kite. And with it the domino effect. Before you know it the bandakka and wattakka will be selling at astronomical rates. No wambatu curry for anyone soon except the MPs.

I must hand it to you darling. You are a clever little lass. Consider the facts. You are doing exactly what Ranil was trying to do. But you are getting away with it. Every day in every way you are doing more and more what Ranil was doing.

Take these duty free vehicles that you have now awarded the Tiger blokes. The various TV equipment you are handing over to the Cyanide Pills on a platter. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you make a hue and cry about this when Ranil was in power not many moons ago? I would be the last person to accuse you of being a bally hypocrite but what of that Sea Tiger activity going on now darling? Was it not160 days ago that you accused Ranil of letting the LTTE violate the ceasefire by running around hither and thither in motor boats making a bally mess of the east coast?

But by all accounts the Sea Tigers are rowing their many boats as merrily as they may and splashing about every which way under your command. Karuna himself has said as much when chin wagging with a Asian Tribune chappie the other day. Trying a Premadasa tactic are you? Encouraging the Cyanide Pill to use his sea cadres to attack Karuna are you dearie? Letting them surround Trincomalee setting up camps, police units and courthouses yourself are you? I only have one word to say on the subject darling, simply one word. Babu. That is all.

Not to open up a sticky subject or anything darl, you know I love you dearly, but talking of camps.... never have army camps been so bally permanently overrun by these Tiger chaps than when you were in total command of them.

But, as I said before, you are a clever lass. A lass with not an original bone in your body but nevertheless a clever one. For you do have the chameleon like ability to change and save your skin. I mean to say darling the irony of it all. Here you are, having yelled out like a turkey with laryngitis every time Ranil moved a muscle.

For goodness bally sake darling, even if the bally chap went to the loo, it was a step towards achieving his well thought of but imaginary conspiracy towards the Sinhala Buddhists, according to you. And then you go and do the same thing. The very bally same thing you shouted blue murder at when Ranil tried to do it.

And the beauty of it all is that you get away with it. And why? Because Ranil is having an afternoon nap. A fellow of integrity. A chap well suited to be the leader of a civilised society, but yet a bloke who needs his nap ever so often. Too often in fact. Unlike you he cannot stay up late and party all night. So here you are tooling along nicely ruining the country in your inimitable style and where is our op leader, in Bali with Maithri and his buddy Malik, soaking up the atmosphere and sipping pinacoladas. And you ask me why you won the election. By default darling, merely by default.

Just curious darling. If you intended to do everything that Ranil was doing and going to do, pray why did you put paradise through a costly election? What changed? Ichabod m'dear. Not even you. If Ranil was so horribly askew, why are you doing exactly what he was doing? Do tell dear, I love listening to the convoluted answers emanating from that confused mind.

You may be a dishonest little tapeworm darling but by gad you are a canny one. Here you are, handing out goodie after duty free goodie to the Tigers, upping the prices of necessities every which way you can, arresting fellows on allegedly trumped up charges with impunity while allowing the Tigers to run amok, recruiting children, amassing weapons and killing at will. Making Colombo as vulnerable as ever to the attacks of the LTTE.

And the up shot of it all? You are doing so with the blessings of the extremists and the chauvinists. Nor is the LTTE under any pressure from the international community because the international community which the Sinhala Buddhists hate so much have now turned away to more pressing matters in their own back yards. Simply put. No peace talks, no international attention.

Meanwhile, those wily JVP chaps are pretending to criticise all these moves of yours to maintain their credibility but doing nothing concrete. If they were so concerned about the Sea Tiger activity and the duty free cars to the Tigers darling why don't they resign from government?

I can tell you this. The martyred proletariat may have manyokka in their brains and continue to feel safe with the JVP but sooner than later you and your merry band of thieves will strip the country naked. Wimal and you will go to your respective hair salons, put on your make up and flee the land. Meanwhile what of those very sons of the soil buried under tonnes of toil you purported to care for?

But of one thing you have made sure. That the MPs get their just dues. An impending salary increase for them and for the judges, who no doubt must be rewarded for their good work, but still no word about the election promise of a 70% increase in salary for the people. Pooh to you dear. And I may go so far as saying phaugh! It is not often I use these words but I am appalled at your double standards.

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