The new 'Peirisian' doctrine

We had a feeling deep inside us that the Professori would have no difficulty at all in vaulting effortlessly over styles and hurdles of the cross-over.

There were my colleagues at a press conference last week trying to nail him down on his previous pronouncements on constitutional concepts such as 'Federalism,' 'Unitary State,' 'United State' etc. In cricketing terms he 'effortlessly stroked them through the covers, with grace and elegance leaving the fielders standing.'

The father of the Oslo Communiqu‚ which proposed a 'federal solution,' who had a great many people from Washington  through European capitals to Tokyo  and  Colombo 7 liberals, dancing in joy and Mahinda Rajapakse and his Dakune Kollo breathing fire and brimstone when cornered by pressmen, simply asked: 'what do these mere words - 'federalism,' 'unitary state' etc. mean? All this amounted to a mere brandishing of words whose meanings were vague and undefined.'

Professorial arrogance

With true professorial arrogance he dismissed them all with the saying: 'Today, the intellectuals and experts worldwide agree that the terms such as federalism and unitary state have no meaning and are indistinct at best.'

That was vintage G.L. Peiris who swept the boards at the STC prize giving, First Class in Law from the University of Colombo and BCL (Oxford). Never mind what the Bible says: 'In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.'

Mere words, GL had solemnly and piously stated two to three years ago, had no meaning today. Most probably the Professor will justify himself with references to the ancient Greek  philosophies of Aristotle , Heraclitus, Plato and modern day  theories of Bertrand Russel and the like on words and numbers.

It's different now

The basis of what he now says appears to be that the 'Peirisian' thoughts of yesteryear on 'devolution,' 'federalism,' 'unitary state' need not necessarily have the same meaning (an academic expression for plausible deniability) of what was meant earlier.

For the ordinary man on the street - Somapala and Punchi Banda - all this is hard to comprehend after understanding and believing in the Mahinda Chinthana. So when we met an old student of the Professori in the Law Faculty we invited him to our waterhole to clear our brains and get a deeper understanding of the Peirisian philosophy.

A dream

The golaya of the guru too appeared to have lost his powers of reasoning after trying to follow the new thinking of his guru. He, like Martin Luther King, had a dream, he confessed and went on to relate to us, this dream.

He was seated at the feet of his guru with his former comrades while the guru was lecturing to them and saying that the old constitutional concepts he had taught them were mere words - brandishing of words.

A student had then queried: 'Sir, according to your new theory, can the public who elect politicians be equated to politicians because politicians can go against the wishes of the public when they so desire and continue to govern?'

In reality this does happen, the Professori had admitted.

The Student: Sir then could it be said that 'democracy is government of the politicians, by the politicians, for the politicians?'

Solution

The angry Professori had then asked the student whether he had been sent by the nutty geophysicist Silva of the Jathika Chinthanaya and threatened to walk out but had been persuaded by his students to continue the lecture.

Another student had asked: Sir, what is your solution to the ethnic problem now? Military or through negotiations? Do you think the Rajapakse government is attempting a negotiated settlement through military operations in Vaharai and other regions of the Eastern Province?

Professori:  As I have explained before, terms such as 'military solution' and 'political solution' are mere words. They have no meaning in today's context.

Student: I am from the Eastern Province and I can tell you that military action means a hell of a lot for the people there. They are being killed. no homes. Why didn't you push for military action with Ranil?

Professori: What is peace and war? Peace is a mere interlude between war. War is a mere interlude between peace. For the sake of record I am for Mahinda Chinthana.

Student: You were for Chandrika Chinthanaya, Ranil Chinthanaya and now Mahinda Chinthanaya. Are all this one and the same to you?

Professori: Absolutely correct.

Student: Sir, why not propose a democratic, fascist, dictatorship of Eelam to resolve the problem?

Professori: Are you mad? Democratic fascist dictatorship? These are basic contradictions!

Student: Contradictions very similar to Federalism, Unitary State, United State, no Sir?

Professori: You have been sent by that nutty geophysicist Nalin Silva. and he walked out of the class.

The dream ended thus, concluded the former Law Faculty student leaving us non the wiser except that he says that the student in his dream resembled one Ranil Wickremesinghe who was also in the Law Faculty those days.

Random thoughts on Freedom Day

My Darling Ma-hinder

So, yet another Freedom Day is about to come and go and your gopher Sour-gin, despite the hype can scarcely get himself off the ground let alone the Mihin contraption. The bottom line darling is that while you may let fly on the telephone, you may let fly to Merv the Perv, or you may even leave your fly open, but you don't seem to be able to get the bally Mihin to fly.

We may today have at Galle Face Green, column after column of servicemen pounding the asphalt, giggly school girls twirling the odd rabana, but we certainly are not to be entertained by stewards and stewardesses coyly writhing before the cameras, personally hand picked by the sour fellow for your private dandu monara.

For me dearie it is a time to reminisce on the days of the old Raj, and long for a time when the noblesse oblige of the red coat would cause a romantic flutter in my endless heart. It is a time when I role out the tongue and sniff at the ole snuff box to get rid of a good deal of the perilous stuff that often weighs upon the nostril hairs on the one hand - (what with all the dust from the constructions going on) and on the heart upon the other hand.

Owing to mawkish respect for tradition I do not often go about with a chip on my shoulder screaming 'freedom is dead,'  'freedom is dead,'  but I do like to loll a bit on my easy chair with a cigar snuggling between my lovely fingers on the one hand and caressing a Moet & Chandon on the other hand.

Amazing dear what you can do with two hands if you really put your mind to it. You should try it some time.

We aristocrats are down trodden and misunderstood these days darling and have few if any pleasures. It's not like the good old days anymore. Everybody is against us. And while I have so far not taken any punitive measures against you for foisting such a bally foul piece of moth eaten verbiage like the Chinthana upon a decent segment of society, I cannot promise to reign in my feelings for too long.

 If I was happy with all this independence stuff I would have enlarged myself most courteously and generously upon the fawning public tonight and drunk a pint or two with the riff raff. But my heart is heavy dearie and you know why.

 Already the red chaps are calling you the foulest bit of flotsam this side of 1948. I thought it showed a nasty, narrow spirit, though I couldn't say I was altogether surprised considering how churlishly you seem to have treated the mammoty wielding comrades. After all it was the Wee Wee types who helped you up.

 I don't know if you've ever been to the elephant show at the Dehiwela zoological gardens of late, but if you do get a moment do take a dekko, its awful fun. Nothing like the rumpus you had to undergo with the green jumbos.

Anyway you will often see that the elephants kindly bend forward and crook a knee rather helpfully in order to help their respective mahouts place his flat foot on the pachdermalogical knee and climb on its elehpantine back. For some reason I find that the red fellows did for you much the same thing darling. Knelt down and crooked a bally knee. And what do you do? Kick them in the shins. Oh well it's all in a day's work for the Beliatte clan eh? All in a day's work.

 And what you might hear from the likes of Raa-jitha, and others is left to be seen. Will they all turn out to be Merv clones and cringe below sea level or will they venture out and take a dim view of the Chinthana plan? Whether it be a 10 year plan or a 20 year plan one thing can be said about it. It's a bally foul plan.

I mean to say darling already you have us getting stopped by over zealous uniformed chappies who recognising a good thing and an easy source of income wiggles his infernal finger at a poor wench like me smoking deliriously in a corner minding my own business.

 What you fail to understand dear is that far from the general populace giving up smoking, with the likes of you and your family at the helm, even little old grand mamas will take to drinking.

And if the likes of Karu Jay, Profisori and the balding Mora suddenly decide to run child like towards the Chinthana and embrace it you will even have the Paradisian baby population crying out not for milk but for gin and not bally sour-gin either. Happy Independence Day darling.

Ta ra for now.

The Sleeping Dragon is awake and moving

Even during the days when China was one of the poorest countries stricken by natural disasters such as floods and famine, while the communists were fighting the warlords, China was viewed with much suspicion by America and other Western countries.

Suspicions turned into fear and even worse, as after the communists took over and even today, after China is acknowledged as a world power, such suspicion and fear remain.

Alarm bells

The headline of the September 6 issue of Newsweek last year: "Who's afraid of China" reflects this persisting view.

Last month when China destroyed one of its own weather satellites orbiting 500 miles above earth with a missile fired from the ground, it sent alarm bells ringing in Western capitals including their allies such as neighbouring Japan and Tokyo.

The announcement made 12 days after the event was further cause for suspicion. A statement made by the Chinese government that they were not engaging in an arms race in space was of no avail and there were protests from the Western powers and China's neighbours.

Aggressive response

On Wednesday an Associated Press report said that the US Congress was demanding 'an aggressive US response' to Beijing's test of a satellite-killing weapon. There was evidence of anger and wariness over China's economic and military aspirations.

It preceded a Congressional advisory panel that planned to take up on Thursday the challenges facing US-China relations this year, the report added.

China, dating back to the days of its Middle Kingdom, has been very secretive about its affairs of state and this secretiveness remains. This may be a part reason for the suspicion and fears, and the other may be Western prejudices such as Nostradamus' predictions of a 'slant eyed race taking over the world.'

However America and its Western allies have now been compelled to accept the reality of China which has been maintaining an extremely low profile in international affairs in the past two decades despite its growing economic clout. Some analysts explain this on the basis of Deng Xiao Ping's strategy of concentrating on domestic economic growth lest the country's efforts will be wasted on acquiring international status.

Stepping out

This year China announced to the world that it was stepping out into the international arena. An Indian correspondent has noted this announcement in The China

Daily which proclaimed: 'Make no mistake, this sleeping dragon has awakened from its centuries' long slumber. China is everywhere.'

The January 27 Economist referring to the anti-satellite test notes: 'China's aim is to signal to America and its prot‚g‚s in all Asia - Taiwan and Japan especially - that it has  ways of countering the space based technology on which America's armed forces rely so heavily.

China worries that its strategic nuclear arsenal could be rendered useless by an American missile based system with space based components. The anti-satellite test may not prove that China can thwart such efforts but it can certainly complicate them.'

While the Chinese have been at great pains not to antagonise the United States in other international issues, it has stood firm on Taiwan which it has claimed to be a part of China. Taiwan has alleged that China has 900 missiles on its coast facing Taiwan.

The satellite test firing could be a signal from Beijing to all concerned that those defences would not be jeopardised.

Expanding influence

Expansion of China's influence in recent years has been witnessed in Central Asia, ASEAN region, Middle East and in the African continent.

This week China's President Hu Jintao took off on a12 day African tour of eight nations. It is his third such visit to Africa since 2003 and is aimed at deepening political and economic ties.

During this tour he will announce writing off debts owed by African nations as a part of a billion dollar package to help fast rack development, it has been reported. China hosted an African Summit in November last year and offered $ 5 billion in loans and credit.

The Chinese Foreign Minister visited the West African countries of Nigeria and Morocco and also Kenya. The Prime Minister Wen Jiabo visited seven other African countries.

China's push into Africa may be seen by Western powers as an attempt to replace the geopolitical influence the former colonial powers still have and that of America now.

Shanghai Council

China is now in the process of wooing energy rich and industrial resources rich countries in Asia, Africa and even in Latin America. These countries are targeted for their energy resources as well as markets for Chinese products.

Last year a summit meeting of the Shanghai Cooperation Council comprising - Russia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhastan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan and China - was hosted by China. This five year old organisation is a powerful alliance between Russia and China and controls a greater part of the oil and gas reserves of Central Asia.

China leads this organisation and has offered $ 900 million to other members in the form of loans to buy Chinese exports.

China has taken a lead role in directing ASEAN affairs and is now in the process of re-opening a dialogue with Japan after a torrid period of relations under Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

Good relations

It has already brought back North Korea to the negotiating table for nuclear disarmament talks and is maintaining good relations with Middle Eastern countries which are the main sources of its oil supplies and even with Israel.

America last December acknowledged the economic clout of China when Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson led nearly half of the cabinet of George Bush to what The Economist described as to pay tribute to 'China's rising economic might.'

The modest Chinese describe their rise from abject poverty and squalor in just 50 years as 'The peaceful rise of China' and its diplomatic objective as a 'harmonious relationship.' Underlying these understatements is the fact that it has now the largest foreign exchange reserves in the world: one trillion dollars!

To cross and to double cross

by Pachoris

It was the evening after the day before. Paradise Club was unusually packed for a Monday evening when I entered my favourite watering hole. Siribiris, the bar keeper handed over a letter addressed to me personally at the club.

I was about to open it as I surveyed this hive of activity, as the clich‚ writers would say.

There, holding centre stage as it were, was Kandiah (call me Ken) Vinasapathi, formerly of the Ceylon Civil Service, now prolific letter writer to editors' columns and bearer of glad and sad tidings. All around him sat habitu‚s of Paradise Club and some unknowns, deeply engrossed in the tales told by Kandiah Vinasapathi.

A genius

"I say Pachoris," called out Kosala Kehelmala, wheeler-dealer extraordinaire, who will get you a T56 automatic rifle at the drop of a hand grenade or fix a contract at the going commission rates. He is known as "Fixer" to friends and foes alike.

"Pachoris my friend, you are numero uno, a genius," said the genuinely excited Fixer. When Fixer speaks nobody else does. Even the redoubtable Ken of the CCS is severed in mid-sentence.

"Hey Fixer what's all the excitement about," I asked. "What have I done this time?"

"What have you done, man? Who says the President of the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka does not listen to the people. If you have mouths, speak now," went on Fixer surveying the scene like that chap in the poem, Ozymandias or some such name. "Or forever remain silent."

Booze by the bucket

"So why are you telling me this," I inquired puzzled by this unexpected praise.

"Why men Pachoris, two weeks ago you wrote that you told the Minister of Disinformation, Aliboru that having 40 per cent of government MPs as ministers is undemocratic and unfair by the other 60 per cent. There should be much more. Your point was well taken. You see the President and his royal retinue took you very seriously. Now 90 odd per cent of the SLFP chaps are something or the other after yesterday. You are an important man Pachoris."

Everybody at the table applauded. Then it spread like ripples in a pond and even those who heard nothing in a distant room were clapping because others were doing it.

The applause was growing faster than the cabinet and drinks were coming to me by the bucketful. How the ministers would have envied me had they been there. Such instant popularity without even having to rent a crowd or ask Herr Doktor Mervyn Silva to lend a hand.

"You knew beforehand about the size of the cabinet, didn't you," asked Puli Pachchathanni, poet laureate of Pungudativu and Messiah of Marrs Hall when Kandiah and he were contemporaries in the first years of Peradeniya University.

Banishing trick

"But did you know that Arjuna Ranatunge would be ignored after all that he did for Sri Lanka winning the World Cup and all that?" inquired Kesara Kasalagoda, Royal College and SSC.

"Arjuna challenged the kings of cricket and walked off the field. Maybe the Royalpakse's will challenge them too at some stage," opined Para Pathiam, the mathematician from Mannar and the terror of the Tamil Union.

"But he was not the only one ignored," cut in Dr Andy Ansabage, guest of Kandiah. "It is like a triple injection. Three 'R's were left out - two Rajapakse's and one Ranatunge. I wonder why. One more Rajapakse would hardly matter now."

"Well they've got their own back on the Bandaranaikes. Anura has been banished to the wilds hasn't he? What is he to do with this national heritage, eat it?" asked Ken Vinasapathi

Achcharu

"Why he can safeguard it, destroy it or sell it, if he knows where to find this heritage," interjected "Fast Cash" Mansoor, foreign exchange dealer and casino raja, supporter of all pakshas, including rajapakshas.

"Look chaps," intervened poet Pachchathanni, a former high ranking administrator himself. "Whoever prepared these ministries did not know a donkey from a buffalo."

"You mean some ass did it," I asked tentatively not wanting to interrupt Pachchathanni when he is about to take off on the wings of poesy.

"There is a cultural minister and a national heritage minister. Where do you draw the line?" the poet went on as though he hadn't heard me. "If you take away national heritage, whatever that means, the cultural minister is left with nothing but that intermittent nadagama in parliament and some mentally adolescent Andare dipping into the Cultural Fund."

"Pachcha is correct," piped in Vinasapathi a former government agent and ministry secretary. "Whoever drew up this ministerial mess should be declared a national heritage and handed over to Anura to preserve as best as he could -- above ground or even under like those Egyptian mummies."

One for the road

"But then," argued "Fast Cash" Mansoor in a moment of conciliation in keeping with his doctrine of playing all sides, "the presidential clan had to accommodate those malcontent mammals, some of them on their last legs, who crossed over."

"That was not just a cross. There were also a double cross and even a triple cross if you look at their political backgrounds," claimed Pathiam.

"Yes but why do you need five non-cabinet persons designated ministers of "Nation Building," asked Kehelmala after several minutes of unusual silence.

I thought it was time to call it a day. I downed my drink and a long sigh escaped my lips.

"That my friend shows the state of this nation. It takes five ministers to try and put it together and a full cabinet minister to integrate it. This is the paradise we lost."

With that I put my hand into my pocket for my wallet. It was then that I realised there was an unopened letter in my pocket. Well that will have to wait a while.

thelma

World Affairs

This is Paradise