|
Life
is not a joke
|
Ronnie |
By
Ranee Mohamed
Comedian,
entertainer and
actor Ronnie Leitch is a man with many faces, but at home, he
has
only one - the face of happiness. "I am
essentially a family man and my wife, daughter and son are my
greatest wealth, besides God's blessings," says Leitch,
as he holds close his wife Yvette and daughter Keshiya. His
son Keshan is away at school.
Ronnie
Leitch has an unusual job that keeps him together with his
family at lunch-time. "It is my best meal and I look
forward to lunch time because I am close to my wife, son and
daughter," says Leitch who goes on to say that he has no
time for love affairs and flings because "they bring
unhappiness."
In
the same breath he goes on to quip that he does not eat kukul
mas (chicken) because kukulas do not eat kukul mas. Everyone
laughs, except Leitch. It is not easy to make him laugh, but
making him happy is easy. Just sitting there on the sofa in
his house with his wife and children nearby seems to be
Leitch's idea of bliss.
"He
has been the love of my life, the first man I fell in love
with and married," says wife Yvette shyly. "He not
only provides for us, but showers us with love and makes us
laugh too," she speaks
about life with Ronnie.
Simple
life
The
life of Ronnie Leitch is rich in love - the love of his wife,
his children and the love of the whole country - which
makes his life a truly rewarding one. "I do not like
money, all what I want is enough of it to pay my bills, give
my family a comfortable life and make me free of debts,"
says Leitch who goes on to say that too much money brings too
many problems.
It
is usual to see the glamourous Ronnie Leitch that we see on
stage, in the market place too. "It is Ronnie who does
the marketing. From the coconuts to the green chillies, he
makes great choices and carries them home," says his wife
happily.
"For
the bag of vegetables that I paid Rs.300, I now have to pay
Rs.600," says an unsmiling comedian, complaining about
the rising cost of living. "The best way to make everyone
happy is to bring down the cost of living," advises the
happy personality.
"Life
is very soothing when I am at home. We hardly have any
disagreements and to break the monotony I do make some faces
and act like a clown to annoy my wife. Sometimes I succeed in
annoying her and then we all have a good laugh," said
Ronnie Leitch, giving us all an insight into life at home.
Gamay
kema
Comedian
and entertainer Ronnie Leitch's calm mornings are replaced
with noise, applause
and cheer at night. Hardly at home for dinner, when he
is around caviar and champagne, Leitch goes on to say that it
is the "gamey kema" (village food) that he enjoys
most. "Give me brown rice, pol sambol and sprats."
He attributes his good skin and physical fitness to 'natural'
foods and products.
Speaking
about his success, comedian Leitch says that he never wanted
to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer from his school going days.
"From the age of six, my dream was to become an actor and
entertainer. And this dream has come true and there is nothing
that can make me
happier," said Leitch.
When
asked about what made him the greater success that he is,
Ronnie Leitch feels his bald head and says that
his song called Thattaya (bald man), that became a
great hit and made him a success. "The song is about all
the men in the world who became famous because of their bald
heads - people as Yul Bryner, Alfred Hitchcock,
Anthony C. Perera, Sergeant Nallatamby, film directors,
lawyers and the list goes on..." said Leitch.
Many
of us want to look our best when being photographed, but
Ronnie Leitch looks his best when he makes faces at the
camera. These prize-winning faces has the photographer in fits
of laughter too, before he settles to actually click the
camera. By then, Ronnie Leitch has another funny face on show.
It
is easy to see that everyone loves having him around. Even the
family dog seems
to laugh at the faces that he makes at
him. The dog gives him a hand and Leitch, an animal
lover, seems content. "I deplore cruelty to animals and
my son and I will always stop by to help an animal in
distress," said the comedian as he spoke of the
sufferings of animals in this country.
"Generally,
people who joke are good hearted people," observes Leitch.
"It is not easy to make a comedian laugh, but the
programme Api Nodanna live on Sirasa has me in fits of
laughter. I see the guys in it as 'really mad, yet innovative,
talented and creative people,' compliments Leitch.
Ronnie
Leitch who has acted in over
(15) Sinhala films, two English films and a French film
says that his greatest moment was when he was cast with
Geraldine Chaplin, the daughter of Charlie Chaplin. In the
other English film, titled Son Of Sando Kan, Ronnie Leitch
portrayed the rebel called Durga.
In
real life, Ronnie Leitch is anything but a rebel. Calm,
collected and jovial, it is plain to see that Leitch likes not
only to make other people laugh, but also to laugh at himself,
an ability that few people have.
"The
ability of an artiste can never be measured in monetary terms.
Be they journalists, actors, photographers or artists. It is a
God-given gift. Each artiste has his or her own talent and
this cannot be acquired by other people nor can people be
'trained' to do it. This is why we ought to honour and cherish
our artistes. It makes me sad that all our artistes of the
past are forgotten. What Sri Lanka needs is a Hall of Fame - a
museum for old artistes.
"When
we go on a trip the first songs we start to sing are those of
C.T. Fernando - Sihina Loway, Piyumehi Peni Bothi, etc. But
what do we have in his memory other than his songs that we
mimic? What have we done for people like Vivienne Boralassa,
Latha Walpola, Susil Premaratne,Vincent de Paul Pieris?"
queries the saddened comedian.
Comedian,
entertainer and actor Ronnie Leitch is a man for all times.
There is no doubt that he is an asset to Sri Lanka. There are
but a handful like Leitch. He lives hidden in his home in
Nedimala and like a real star, he seems to come out to shine
only at night.
As
the years pass, there will come a time when Leitch too will be
pushed to the world of forgotten artistes. But whoever we may
forget, it is not easy to push this adorable man into the
past. Many people have made us cry, but no one has made us
laugh as much as Ronnie Leitch.
Of
best friends and dogs...
 Lucille
Dahanayaka with the winner |
By
Ranee Mohamed
Master
Rudolph,
born in Richmond, U.K. in 1995 to British `parents' was
adopted by Lucille and Ranjit Dahanayaka. He led a quiet,
fulfilling lifestyle in his home at Bagatalle Road in Colpetty
till his very lifestyle, looks and demeanour changed it all.
Impressing two judges from Canada present at the
Centenary Dog Show of the Ceylon Kennel Club held recently,
Master Rudolph became the Champion of the show, beating 206
dogs.
"I
was choking and was happy that I was wearing my
sunglasses," said owner Ranjit Dahanayaka, whose forte is
horses. Dahanayaka who has taken part in the Gentleman Rider
Race at Boosa Race Course in Galle arranged by the Ceylon Turf
Club and the Police Horse Gymkhana at Havelock Race Course
said that dogs are also a part of his life.
Owned
horses
"I
have been having horses since I was six years old and I have
always taken care of them, fed them, brushed them and brushed
their teeth," said the proud owner of the champion of the
show.
While
Daschund Rudolph and his master stole the show with this
prestigious title, there were other dogs too who deserved a
bow. The second best in the show was Rashi of Katugoda owned
by Sunil Perera. Golden storm Kween Kenzo owned by Sanja
Osterjart was the third best in the show and Bhogadi's Xill
owned by police kennel Kandy was a reserve.
"This
is really a beauty pageant for dogs said judge Joan Beech of
Canada, who began judging in 1991 with the toy group and
thereafter becoming an all breed judge in 2004.
Second
judge Melvin Beech whose scrutiny fell on the beauties and the
handsome also began judging with the Gun Dog's Group,
attaining all breed status in 2004.
Having
been judges at dog shows in Australia, Venezuela, Canada,
Hawaii, Ireland, Mexico, Thailand and now Sri Lanka, the
judges said that nothing matters except the dog when it comes
to the judging process.
Man's
best friend
The
duo expressed concern about the sufferings of animals in this
country, especially dogs and went on to say that dogs are
social animals who have lived with man from the early ages -
living in caves as their best friends.
"Dogs
are for life and they are intelligent - they have feelings and
they get hurt easily," pointed out the judges
"The
saddest thing in the world is the plight of the street dog. I
have seen hungry street dogs in Sri Lanka who wag their tails
at approaching humans. Even though they are hungry and
ignored, they still yearn for human contact," said Judge
Joan Beech, whose observation obviously goes well beyond the
pedigreed dog.
Good
natured
Speaking
about dogs, the judges who have decades of experience with
dogs said that each dog has a standard. "We try to choose
one that comes closest to that standard. Judging involves
structure, coat, condition. among other attributes."
They
said Dobermans which are considered guard dogs and are good to
have at home, provided one makes sure of the temperament of
the dog. "The best family dogs are the Golden Retrievers
and the Labradors. They are not fragile and are good
natured," observed the judges. They went on to say that
the popular Dalmation is good to be among children
Meanwhile
Lucille and Ranjit Dahanayaka the proud owners of the prize
exhibit also called Rudolph, the champion of the show, went on
to say that they have always ensured that their dogs are well
looked after.
"It
is important that they are not over fed. Indulging must not be
allowed. It is also imperative that your dog has plenty of
water to drink," said the compassionate owners - a couple
who have a childhood that is studded with these 'best
friends.'
The
show became complete with the sale of a bookmark, all proceeds
of which will be donated to the Seva Vanitha unit of the
Ministry of Defence.
It's
easy to woo Pilawoos
By
Kshanika Argent
Colombo
has witnessed a re cent boom in dining out,
with restaurants of almost every speciality popping up in and around the city.
From
the cafes and coffee shops that offer quick snacks to fine
dining at it's best, Colombo seems to have it all - the best
Italian cuisine
to spicy Mexican, and the Chinese restaurants
offer everything from high end dining to comparatively
cheap take aways.
International
cuisine
Seafood
too is just about everywhere, along with the Japanese and
Indian cafes. Even steak is big in the city. But the general
rule is that the international cuisine
as expected
comes with international prices!
Funny
how for a lover of dining out and trying new food, I
go silent whenever I'm asked where to go for an
authentic Sri Lankan meal - all that seems to come to mind is
Pilawoos.
Fine
dining it never will be, or anything close to it. A drive by
will give you one look at the exterior which will have you
thinking that the interior would not be fit for pigs, and
you're not that far off the mark. If you can get past the fact
that the employees are attired in greasy outfits and look like
they've just gotten out of doing hard time, you could have
quite a decent meal.
I
find myself eating there more often than I should and leaving
muttering, "never again" but there's something about
Pilawoos, maybe it's the fact that it's Sri Lanka's very own
Burger King, without the buns and fries.
Cheap
prices
Open
at just about any god forsaken hour you can imagine, Pilawoos
offer quick, relatively cheap and most definitely
delicious piping hot kothu's, cheese rottis, cheese kothu's
which have made Pilawoos rather
phenomenal. Oh and let's not forget washing it all down
with an Iced Milo. Close sources of mine who constantly go on
intoxicating rampages at Colombo's nightclubs swear by the
famed Iced Milo.
To
think that two small time kothu kades would still be the rave
of Colombo, long after many more have popped up, even after
posh cafes attempt copying recipes, and yes folks I've seen
this happen, you just can't beat a good old cheese roti from
Pilawoos. You can't beat the dining experience.
If
one can put aside the not-so-clean sticky tables
their food is good and I often wonder if they breed
their own race of workers, because they're all incredibly half
dazed and confused.
They also look exactly alike and have their own
definition of 5,10 minutes.
Popularity
So
what is it that makes little kades such as Pilawoos so
popular? Maybe it's the fact that you can go in there dressed
in the most grubbiest outfits and not get dirty looks, maybe
its because you can make as much noise as you want and not get
kicked out, or maybe its because that no matter how
intoxicated you are they will still let you come in and have
your meal, and trust me on this one for I have even seen
people pass out at Pilawoos from having downed one too many
from all night partying.
The
phenomenal success of places like Pilawoos is
further emulated by instances where I have seen people
eat dinner at Pilawoos
but go to Five star hotels for dessert. Amazing, in a
country where convention will tell you to eat at home more
often than not, the subculture of eating out is catching up
quite fast.
Apart
from being convenient, eating at Kotthu Kades is an
interesting experience in itself, you never know what curious
substance make's the tables so sticky, but you will eat there
over and over again. Why? Because there is no place like it,
and there never will be.
Apollo
opens out its heart at Lanka Hospitals Corporation Ltd.
Heartening
changes
By
Ranee Mohamed
"We
perform surgery on babies and senior citizens - on cases which other
hospitals will not even touch," said Dr. Prasad
Krishnan, Chief Cardiac Surgeon of Apollo Hospitals. Dr.
Krishnan has continued to touch hearts and lives with
his futuristic-surgery, years of practical experience and a
wholly new effort.
On
Friday, January 19, Dr. Prasad Krishnan came under the
spotlight at what Lanka Hospitals Corportion Limited called
'an important meeting,' where Director Damien Fernando and Dr.
Iraivan were present.
Since
2002, Dr. Prasad Krishnan has performed
thousands of surgeries involving the heart. They range
from routine bypass surgery to transposition of great vessels,
to repairing 'holes' in the heart. But for each of these
coloquial terms, Dr. Prasad Krishnan has had the medical term
and the medical solution and infants
two or three weeks old
on whom these surgeries were performed have now grown
to become normal children of three or four years of age,
leading normal lives.
Showing
clippings of surgery, showing us what the heart looks like and
what kind
of organ that he has to operate on, Dr. Krishnan drove home
the point that the heart is a wonderful creation. Sized like
the fist itself, a baby's heart can be as small as a
strawberry and it is on defects in organs as small as this
that Dr. Prasad Krishnan operates to set then right.
"With
cardiac surgery, there is the fine dividing line - the line
between life and death," said the doctor, pointing out
that cardiac surgery is different from eye surgery, or surgery
in the ear, where in a worse case senario one may go either
blind or deaf.
"The
closing of holes is not a mechanical procedure. There is a
wiring system in there and one has to ensure that the stitches
do not injure this wiring system," said this genius of
the heart. Operating on the heart of living beings as small as
3 kgs (babies) and 110 kgs (senior citizens), Dr. Prasad
Krishnan naturally is a hero, applause being directed to him.
"This
is the only hospital in which a new born and a 70 year will
lie in the ICU after cardiac surgery. These are cases that a
very few hospitals will even attempt to do," pointed out
Dr. Prasad Krishnan.
"The
heart is an organ that pumps 8,000 litres of blood a day and
blood is thicker than water. There is much power in the heart
and the human hand cannot generate that power in the heart by
squeezing it. The heart continues to pump day and
night...." explained Dr Prasad Krishnan.
"The
meeting also went on to record the latest happenings at the
Apollo Hospital. "There are many new happenings after the
new management," pointed out Dr. Iraivan referring to the
patient-friendly charges that have now been initiated by the
new management.
"We
are the only private hospital to maintain records of patients.
A five year old record kept by the hospital is given to the
doctor before a patient consults him" pointed out Dr.
Iraivan. "Ours is the only hospital to have fully
qalified nursing staff - both expatriate and Sri Lankan,"
he went on,
pointing out that their nursing school followed the
government syllabus.
With
a telephone appointment system and e-chanelling, patients can
log on and choose the doctor of their choice and make an
appointment without any kind of disturbance or hurdle.
With
a payment of Rs.250 a patient gets a lifetime registration.
Not only has the new management reduced charges for surgery,
chanelling and investiations but also offered better
facilities in every possible area," pointed out the
doctor.
Apollo
Hospital, coming under its new managment Lanka Hospitals
Corporation Limited has inhouse qualified consultants, working
24 hours of the day. With on-call
and residential consultants the hospital becomes the
only private hospital in which a patient when admitted even in
the wee hours of the morning is seen by a qualified consultant
who is resident in the hospital.
Another
new happening is the arrival of consultants, physicians and
surgeons from
hospitals in Sri Lanka to Apollo. The arrival of the
well known eye surgeon Dr. Rajest Fogla and renowned
paediatric cardiologist Dr. Shivakumar are giving Sri Lankans
the opportunity to consult these medical specialists without
having to undertake the expensive trip to India. The five star
hotel standards and procedure complying with international
standards, skilled and qualified staff, have made Apollo
Hospital Colombo, now owned by two Sri Lankan companies - Sri
Lanka Insurance and the Bank of Ceylon,
complete in every way. Ajit Jayaratne is the chairman
of Lanka Hospitals Corporation Ltd., the owning company of
Apollo Colombo.
The
goodness of green tea
Are
you a tea drinker? Have you ever tried green tea? It could help
protect you from cancer and also help with things like
cholesterol.
How
good is Green Tea? Pretty good according to experts! Natural
Therapist Carolyn White joined us to discuss the benefits of
drinking green tea.
"Green
tea is a tea that's distinctly different from the ordinary
'tea' that we drink. On laboratory examination green tea is
found to contain very powerful antioxidants," Carolyn
explained.
"The
major antioxidant that works so efficiently is polyphenol.
This is what turns green tea into a medicine tea. We can use
it for our healing. It's another emerging drink that we can
safely use to combat different sorts of disorders, from minor
to major."
What
are the minor disorders that green tea can help?
Green
tea has been proven to reduce or inhibit the growth of a
bacterium that grows in our mouths. This is a streptococcus
bacterium, which is what causes holes in our teeth (cavities)
and gingivitis. Gingivitis is where the gums recede back off
of the teeth and bleed. Green tea actually blocks the growth
of this bacterium, which is lovely to know.
Green
tea is also showing signs that it can lower cholesterol
levels. Not only the bad ones, which are the LDL, the Low
Density Lipoproteins but it can overall reduce all levels of
cholesterol including HDL's triglycerides etc.
New
research is also supporting green tea's use as a weight-loss
aid, in a double-blind study using green tea caffeine and a
placebo, only the green tea extract increased metabolism and
energy.
Green
tea does lower blood pressure so it's really worth a try.
One
of the major things that people have experimented regarding
green tea all over the world, is to see if it has an impact on
cancer. Whether it prevents cancer and whether it helps combat
it once it exists and fight it off or get it to go into
remission.
"There
are some very encouraging studies. In one study
35,369 people who drank green tea, were compared to
other people who didn't drink green tea. The study found that
those that do, have a lower risk of cancer in the upper
digestive tract and in the colon and in the rectum.
"In
Britain results have come forth to say the same about the
colon, as well as the pancreas and the breast. So these are
not just fictional statements, these are studies that can be
researched."
How
does green tea work?
Most
cancer and degenerative heart disease and blood vessel disease
(which indicates blood pressure by the way), are caused by
harmful molecules which are running around the body called
'free radicals.'
These
free radicals damage cells, and it's through the healing
process that things can go wrong.
Green
tea contains antioxidants, and there are antioxidants in many
other things, more commonly Vitamin A, C and E. These are used
to neutralise, mop-up, or kill these. free radicals.
If we can neutralise and then get rid of them, they
won't do the damage that can cause cancer and heart disease.
It's
the powerful antioxidant 'polyphenol' in green tea that has
the ability to inhibit and to stop the action of a particular
enzyme that tumours make.
"When
a tumour is in existence it makes this enzyme and squirts it
into the neighbouring cells to damage them, so that the tumour
can creep in there.
If
we can actually use the polyphenols in green tea to kill off -
inactivate that enzyme that does that initial attack, then
we're really looking at a situation where we can regress and
stop the growth invasion of tumours.
Polyphenol's
antioxidant ability helps cell DNA to reproduce itself
accurately rather than in a mutated form and Chinese medicines
from green polyphenols have long been used to treat nephritis,
hepatitis and even leukaemia.
How
many cups of green tea do you I need to drink?
Through
worldwide prolonged experimentation, including one study done
by the American Journal of Epidemiology, a highly reputed
magazine, they studied 35,369 women over an eight year period
and had certain findings emerge, including how it seems that
the beneficial effects of drinking green tea is derived by
only drinking around 4-5 cups a day.
What
about the taste?
"I
find it just a little stronger than normal tea,"
explained Carolyn. "But of course we can dilute our tea
can't we."
TIPS:
Use a big mug, or half a teabag if you find it is too strong
for your palate.
Are
there any negatives of drinking green tea?
"None
that I'm aware of except in my own personal experience that
I've found it to be quite laxative. And I don't think that I
could cope with 4-5 cups a day so watch out for that,"
says Carolyn.
-
Emma Pedler and
Carolyn White
Forty
reasons why it's wonderful to be a woman
1.
When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.
2.
A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll
think she's gay.
3.
Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite
sex without having to picture them naked.
4.
A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor
around the toilet bowl.
5.
If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume
it's because she was being emotionally neglected.
6.
Women are capable of doing at least two different
things to a passable standard at the same time.
7.
Women live longer than men.
8.
Women know how to cover up spots and other facial
blemishes.
9.
If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one
of her friends will notice.
10.
Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at
all).
11.
There are times when chocolate is really the answer to
all women's problems.
12.
Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or
hairdressers.
13.
A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at
their shoes.
14.
Women know the truth about whether size matters...
15.
A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her
best time.
16.
If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.
17.
Women are capable of going longer than five minutes
without thinking about either sex or football.
18.
Women never lust after a cartoon character or the
central figure in a computer game.
19.
Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
20.
Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.
21.
A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by
changing her lipstick.
22.
A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever
touching her rear.
23.
Women don't have to worry about catching anything
important in their zipper.
24.
If a woman says something stupid, most men will just
think she's cute.
25.
Women can admit to others when they've made a mistake
26.
If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's
a wimp.
27.
Women know who their children are without having a DNA
test.
28.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a
mummy's boy.
29.
Women can wear platforms - which is why there is no
such thing as a short woman's complex.
30.
Women can watch one TV channel at a time without
getting bored.
31.
Women have total control over their eyebrows.
32.
Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.
33.
A woman's friend won't try to persuade her to get a
tattoo while she's drunk.
34.
A woman won't drive to Hell and back before she asks
for directions.
35.
Women aren't covered with hair like shag carpeting.
36.
Woman don't feel threatened if their partner earns more
than they do.
37.
For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.
38.
Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly
what they want.
39.
Women don't think reading the manual is a betrayal of
all their species stands for.
40.
Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week.
 Gardners
and their antics
Aaaaah!
It's raining after an age.
At least it will be cooler now. Actually, it reminded me of the
desert, hot and dry in the day and icy cool at night.
The nicest thing of all is that the garden will get a good
watering.
Of
late everything has been looking rather droopy and
bedraggled.Our last gardener has done a bunk after helping
himself to a whole case of beer and heaven knows what other
kind of alcohol. This was during our Christmas vacation out of
Colombo. Apparently he had been on the binge for days.
We
were informed of this state of affairs after he ran off ( yes,
of course!) by the other members of staff. Then we were given
a graphic description of how he slept and slept, and how he
shouted and shouted, and how he drank and drank, but didn't
eat. When I asked why they hadn't told me of this earlier,
they said they had told him to replace the case of beer and
everything would be hunky dory.
Vanishing
trick
The
weekly heavy duty gardener who cuts down trees, climbs ladders
to trim hedges, and nips nimbly up the king coconut trees to
pluck the nuts and does those things which the old geezer
couldn't, has also apparently gone on a pilgrimage! I don't
believe a word of this, unless he has decided to become a
hermit and is living at the top of Adam's Peak. He does this
often, when he gets a job in between, he vanishes for weeks.
So
we are left high and dry. And sadly, so is the garden. It is
swept and watered by the maids, (the drivers are too grand to
do this kind of work) but it is not nurtured and tended.
Anyway,
this is better than when we got flooded and most of the plants
died! Once during the Big Flood, when water came indoors, all
the beautiful big carps in our meda midula, merrily swam off
without a backward glance.
Recently,
I noticed an egret, who has discovered we have tanks full of
fishy food asking to be taken! What do you think, the cheeky
guy, it clambers through the grill in the front windows and
into the meda midula, which it seems to think is a gourmet
restaurant.
Communication
problem
So
now we have to keep checking for intruders and chase it off! I
have just given up on the squirrels, they think this is their
home too, and waltz in and out wherever and whenever they
please.
Anyway,
back to gardeners, there was this one guy who couldn't speak a
word of Sinhalese. I had to communicate with him through the
maid, or else by sign language or by diagrams. Yes, I actually
did draw a bower and a fence to show him what I wanted. He
would reply talking nineteen to the dozen, one word of which I
didn't understand.
He
was very nimble, and could also do very nice flower
arrangements. So every receptacle in the house would be full
of flowers, reeds or leaves. Unfortunately for me, he got a
large sum of money due to him when he had retired, and so then
his family decided he should stay at home. He once suggested
we got a cow to give fresh milk to the kids! Just imagine, a
resident cow! We politely declined.
Then
there was this very tall, very dark, but not handsome at all
fellow. He looked really scary, like someone from a horror
movie. He had lots of missing teeth, and that made him even
more grim looking. He slunk around the whole day, acting like
he was very busy.
But
we discovered he drank through the day. Sometimes when I asked
him to do something, he would just walk off! He would also
give this ghastly leer, making him look like a vampire.
Then
Caveman discovered the levels of his bottles of alcohol
dropping rapidly, and that was the end of him! Of course, he
swore he wasn't helping himself to ours, that it was his own.
We
had another excellent gardener, but when I asked him to write
down his address in case we needed it, he vanished into the
horizon.
The
mystery is still unsolved, we speculated if he had two wives,
or if he was in hiding from the law and all manner of exciting
things.Tomorrow, the garden needn't be watered, it is well and
truly wet!
-
Honky Tonk Woman
 Getting
organised
Modern
technology truly is wonderful, isn't it? Every time I see an ad for some nifty
gadget, I have to remind myself that I don't need it, don't
actually want it, and don't have either the space for it or
the insane amount of tech gear I would need to ensure I could
use it or both.
It's
the same obsession that occurs and the same sort of effort in
restraint that is required when I walk into a stationery
store. You find me wandering
down every aisle, talking to myself as if I was
terminally insane. "No, I don't need any more blank
journals - I am building up a collection of them as it is with
nothing to put in them." "Yes, it is the start of a
new term/semester/month/year but I don't need any more
notebooks."
So
far this year, the resolution to do a little bit more to nudge
my bank balance in the direction of the savings account is not
exactly going according to plan. The plan was to spend as
little as possible. So far I have had to buy one modem, look
forward to buying a new DVD player and stress out about
someone else's laptop.
That's
aside from the smashing new organiser I bought myself in
Sydney along with the three blank notebooks to serve as my
diary - one
to start and two to spare. Plus a pen and in a fit of madness
a leather case for my MP3 player which has the case it came
with already but never mind. Then I saw the IKEA catalogue.
Don't
ever go anywhere near an IKEA catalogue. It's not worth the
pain. The moment you open it you can hear your bank balance
scream as it starts getting tortured. I came back and argued
with the co-inhabitant of the Fremantle flat for throwing the
yellow sofa out before redecorating. That took a lot of
kicking and screaming and tears but yes, it is finally going.
My mother can die happy now because she absolutely hated it.
The
leverage was that a) this is a couch that the boyfriend had
since college days and b) the boyfriend will be waltzing off
to Brisbane for a year to finish his Honours and therefore I
alone will have to tolerate the sight of it. You can tell it's
from a college flat. It has seat cushions but no seat
underneath to support them because that bit tore and broke
early on so as a means to an end he stuffed it with old
newspapers to prevent anyone sitting on it falling through. I
don't know why I put up with it for so long - all the
newspapers have probably provided a safe haven for mice and
silverfish for months.
It
didn't stop there. I went on an organising binge. I moved
furniture around and bought boxes for all the stuff that
usually sat in piles on my desk. I organised my laptop. I
sorted through all my clothes. I circled pretty things in the
IKEA catalogue with cries of "A bathroom vanity! I need a
bathroom vanity!" and had vague ideas of painting the
boyfriend's desk black and wandering down to the hardware
store for glass/crystal/lucite drawer handles so I could turn
it into a dressing table/writing desk. I put the case forward
that we desperately needed a hat stand - not for hats but for
all our jackets.... until I was corrected quite firmly to
change it to all my jackets and coats.
And
eventually because the boyfriend's feeling quite guilty about
leaving so soon and suddenly and because I think he is
secretly happy I am organising things and he doesn't have to,
he has offered to drive me to IKEA.
But
given that a lot of space is taken up with cardboard boxes
full of paraphenelia and useless junk that belong to overly
sentimental him that he refuses to sort through and instead
wants to take back home to the farm and dump in some dingy
corner of the garage, I am not so sure I am going to IKEA for
the right reasons. IKEA has everything - perhaps I should be
shopping not for a hat stand or bathroom dresser but instead
for a boyfriend that is less of a pack rat.
I'd
have more space for all my junk and my collection of blank
journals then. And maybe for that new fancy
gadget I have been eyeing .... and all the cords that
come with it.
-
Marisa Wikramanayake
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