The power sharingÿ experience in Canada

By D.B.S. Jeyaraj

"In Canada, weather is a shared subject with the provincialÿ government taking responsibility for the months ofÿ April to September and the federal government being responsible from October to March," deadpanned Mathew Mendelhson as the small group of Sri Lankan journalists seated around the tableÿ laughed heartily. The quip was greatly appreciated as it came at a time when six scribes and their Canadian co-ordinatorÿwere reaching the end of a 10 day study tour in Canada.

Theÿstudy tour had focused mainly on the power sharing experience between the central or federal government and the provincial or regional governments. Since Canadian weather is generally bright and sunny during spring/summer and bleakly cold in fall/ winter Mendelhson's quip provided insight in lighter vein about the constant tussle between Ottawa and the provinces in the sphere of power sharing. Mendelhson, the deputy-minister of inter-governmental affairs in the provincial government of Ontario was making an informedÿpresentation outlining various aspects of federal - provincial relations.

The Study tour was also a 'shared' brainchild of the Canadian High Commission in Colombo and the Forum of Federations in Ottawa. The High Commission selected the participants and devised a broad agenda. The Forum planned the itinerary in detail and made all relevant arrangements. Five journalists, Victor Ivan (Ravaya), Sharmini Boyle (Young Asia TV), Jatila Wellabada (Lakbima), Anura Solomons (Divaina) and Ayesha Zuhair (Daily Mirror), flew into Canada from Sri Lanka. I joined them in Ottawa as the sixth participant. Irina Shmakova who is the programme officer for Asia/Pacific at the forum coordinated the project and accompanied us on the study tour.

An enigma

I was in a sense an enigma among the six. Technically I was living in Canada but writing for a Sri Lankan newspaper. So on this trip I was a Sri Lankan journalist and not a Canadian resident. Since I do baffle many by writing on Sri Lankan affairsÿfor Sri Lankan newspapers from Canadaÿthis 'duality' was nothing new. Yet, I had to preface most of my self-introductions with the line "Actually I am living in Toronto and writing on Sri Lankan affairs for The Sunday Leader published in Colombo........".

This provided perennial amusement to my colleagues who struggled to keep a straight face as I kept parroting the "actually" line. The only reward was theÿlook on many faces at this puzzling phenomenon.

Initially, I had been doubtful wonderingÿwhether I would feel out of place in the team as I had been away from the media scene in Colombo for nearly two decades. Going around with fellow Sri Lankan journalists on an extended tour like thisÿwas aÿfond yet distant memory. But the tour was pleasantly productive and all of us from the veteran Victor to the team's 'baby' Ayesha interacted happily andÿwell. Typical Lankan style jokes and wisecracks were galore with Irina saying "You guys are so funny and always laughing."

Elaborate preparations

But it was not fun alone and we did take the tour seriously, managing to banish the unpunctuality Sri Lankans are notorious for and being on time for our appointments (most of the time at least). Irina who has two Masters degrees had mastered the art of making us fall in line. She did soÿwith  gentle charm which brought to mind the phrase "Iron hand in a velvet glove."

A notable feature of the tour was the extent to which the presenters at various discussions had prepared themselves. Most of them had prepared elaborate reading material and went out of their way to be hospitable. At the tail-end of our tourÿour suitcases in addition to our brains were crammed with enhanced 'knowledge.'

Living in Canada for many years I had acquired a working knowledge of how things worked in Canada. I even prepared myself mentally to 'unlearn' what I had and view everything afresh from a non-Canadian Sri Lankan perspective. But as the study tour progressed I realised how superficial my knowledge was. I learned much about my adopted homeland that I had never known before.

This has altered my perceptions and perspectives drastically. For this I am truly appreciative of the opportunity provided by the High Commission and Forum. To partially echo  Gone With The Wind's Vivian Leigh "as God is my witness I shall never read the 'star' or watch CBC in the same way after this study tour."

It was Christina Prefontaine, counselor (politics/economics) at the Canadian High Commission in Colombo who sent formal letters confirming selection to the six participants. "The study tour will bring you in contact with Canadian stakeholders who work or deal with decentralisation of power and federalism, such as academics, government officials, and journalists."

Prefontaine explained. "As a confederation ourselves, Canada is happy to share our experiences with this form of devolution of power.ÿ There has been much debate over the subject in Sri Lanka, and its applicability to this country.ÿ We believe such debates are healthy but could be better informed.ÿ You have been invited as we believe journalists are best placed to educate and inform the public, and to interpret the theories and concepts into viable options for Sri Lanka," she wrote in that letter.

Mutual cooperation

The Forum of Federations was eminently equipped to handle and implement the study tour on envisaged lines. It is a non-profit, international organisation based in Ottawa, Canada. It engages in a wide range of programmes of mutual cooperation designed to help develop best practices in countries with federal systems of government around the world. The forum has created an international network on federalism that brings together practitioners, scholars, and youth to learn and share ideas and experiences. The forum works with countries and organisations of the north and of the south, with established federal countries and newly-emerging federations. In addition, the forum works with countries that are exploring the possibilities of a federal political system.

The Forum of Federations is no stranger to Sri Lanka. Though Sri Lanka is not a federal country there has been a special relationship between the forum and Lanka. Chandrika Kumaratunga was scheduledÿto address its first ever International Conference on Federalism but could not make it. So it was Prof. G.L. Peiris who did so. After the Government of Sri Lanka (GOSL) and Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) pledged in Oslo to explore a federal solution the forum played a more active role. Former Ontario Premier Bob Rae and Toronto University Professor David Cameron were on hand at many GOSL-LTTE talks to "advise" on federal issues.

No hidden agenda

They also conducted many workshops, seminars etc. in Sri Lanka. They also held classes for the LTTE political affairs committee in the Wanni. The forum has also conducted a number of workshops toÿeducate the Lankan public on power sharing and devolution. Its President George Anderson was in Lanka to deliver a special lecture last month. The forum's partner in Colombo is the Centre for Policy Alternatives.

If any of us had any fears of a hidden agenda behind the study tour all such misgivings were dispelled as the project unfolded.ÿ True to their word the forum people did not seek to impose anything on us. The focus was on education, networking and information-sharing. There was noÿadvocacy for any political ideology or devolution model. Theÿunique programme devised for us was both multilateral and comparative. It was like one gigantic buffet. Everything was available. It was for us to select and partake of. Nobody tried to force-feed us or short-list the menu.

Speaking of menus the tour also gave us a chance to experience the culinary diversity of Canada. From French fine dining to Italian cuisine andÿethnic food fare ranging from Nepalese, Vietnamese, Greek and North Indian, Canada did provide variety to feast on. Since most of us had no dietary restrictions we did make the most of it. Only Ayesha was affected to some extent as halal meat was not always available.

Traditional Sinhala meal

We also got two excellent Sri Lankan meals thanks to our High Commissioner and Consul - General. High Commissioner Karunaratne hosted us at his Ottawa residence. It was a traditional Sinhala meal much relished by us all. Mrs. Karunaratna with charming simplicity was a gracious hostess. In Toronto Consul-General Poolokasingham entertained us for dinner at a Lankan owned restaurant in Scarborough. The amiable Poolokasingham had plans of making us scribes the centre-piece of attention. We respectfully declined but were touched and honoured by his gesture.

As I mentioned earlier our itinerary was quite tight but very comprehensive. There were occasions when we would have liked very much to prolong discussions but found the chariot of time drawing near. This was to be expected. We did however have some time for sightseeing despite the crisp schedule. But the unpredictable Canadian weather was a spoiler. The trip to Niagara falls was severely curtailed. We were in the midst of a massive snow storm in Quebec. My colleagues also faced the coldest night in Toronto this season.

But what of the 'study' in the tour? Almost every session was exhaustive and informative. It was indeed a tremendous task to cite preferences when it was time for evaluation. Hopefully I would be writing a series of articles about various aspects of the tour in the days to come.

There are a variety of subjects from power sharing at federal. provincial and municipal levels; multi-culturalism, Quebec's distinctiveness, bi-lingualism. aboriginal rights, minority rights, charter of rights and freedoms, promoting French in Quebec, Canada's constitutional evolution, the containment of Quebec separatism etc. are fascinating topics with particular relevance to Sri Lanka; the challenge would be in interpreting these lessons to Sri Lankan readers.

An overview of the study tour would be pertinent at this stage. The programme gotÿoff to a start with an introduction about the forum and its objectives. Celine Auclair, the forum's vice - president for researchÿand governance programmes along with Rod Macdonnell, senior director for public information conducted the session; this set the stage for the events to come. I will outline some highlights briefly.

Former constitutional adviser to the Canadian Government James Hurley Ross who spoke about the Evolution of Canadian Federalism and the Charter of Rights laidÿspecial emphasis on the defining characteristics of Canada. Dr. Leslie Seidle, senior research associate at the Institute for Research and Public Policy conductedÿa discussion on Canadian and Quebec identity and values.

Inter-governmental relations

Inter-Governmental relations from a Federal perspective was provided in Ottawaÿ by Alfred Macleod the assistant deputy minister, inter-Governmental relations, Privy Council; Inter - governmental relations from the Quebec perspective was the topic handled vividly in Quebec city by Michel Frederick, directeur Des Politiques Institutionelles et Constitutinelles at the Quebec Secretariat of Inter-Governmental Affairs; Inter-governmental relations from an Ontario perspective was provided in Toronto by Mathew Mendelhson , deputy minister of inter-governmental affairs and his constitutional adviser Paul Barber. The municipal level dimension input came from Jean Seguin, assistant deputy minister of municipal affairs and regions in Montreal.

Graham Fraser, a reputed journalist and columnist is now commissioner of official languages. He gave us a penetrative insight into how his dept 'supervises'ÿ bi-lingualism officially; Gerald Paquette of the Office Quebecois de Langue Francaise in Montreal explained with thorough detail the methods and devices adopted to empower the use of French language in Quebec Province in terms of the Charter of the French Language. Both these sessions enabled us to gain much insight that would be of use within the Sri Lankan context.

Though Canada is perceived as being founded by the English and French 'solitudes' the land's original people are its indigenous peoples. There was no possibility in the itinerary of meeting any of their representatives but that was compensated for adequately by an illuminating talk delivered by Prof. Sebastien Grammond of the Faculty of Law in the University of Ottawa.

The discussion that followed was two-way and we provided Grammond with details about how cruelly our own indigenous people, the Veddahs had been treated. In similar plight are the kuravas or gypsies.

There were three round-table discussions. The first was in Ottawa with officials of the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade. Glen Hodgins, deputy-director of South Asia Division initiated the discussion. The ebullient Hodgins has served in the Canadian High Commission in Colombo some years ago and was well-informed of Sri Lankan developments. He also told us of a 'new' area in which Canada was exploring ways and means of providing assistance to Sri Lanka.

The second round table was in Quebec at the Laval University. Dr. Gerard Hervouet and his colleagues atÿthe Department of Laval University participated. It was a stimulating discussion with the focus being on how and why the Quebec separatist movement did not descend into violence apart from the brief FLQ phase in 1970. It was the consensus of opinion among us Lankan scribes that the French Canadians were more passionate and intense about issues as compared to the more detached and clinical English Canadian counterparts.

Blame on Colombo and Kilinochchi

The third round table discussion was at the venerable Massey House in the University of Toronto (U of T). Prof. David Cameron led the discussion that focused mainly on journalism in a conflict situation. The discussion was enriched by the participation of five journalists, all of them Southam Fellows. The Southam Fellowship is modeled on the Nieman Fellowship at Harvard University. Since Prof. Cameron had first-hand knowledge of the Sri Lankan peace process we asked him his opinion and were surprised to find that he apportioned 'blame' equally on Colombo and Kilinochchi for its perceived failure. Later Bob Rae joined us for lunch at the U of T.

We also had the opportunity of visiting an English and French newspaper office respectively. The Montreal Gazette is an icon for the English in Quebec Province. Andrew Philips its quiet editor admitted that the paper was a rallying point for Anglophones in Montreal.

Our visit to the French newspaper Le Devoir was equally interesting. Apparently the paper is regarded by many as being partial towards the separatist cause in Quebec. Both newspapers however claimed that they are 'objective' when it comes to news presentation.

Speaking ofÿjournalism and the media, we also met Daniel Giasson, analyst at the Quebec Press Council. He gave us a comprehensive lecture on how the press council works and Lakbima  Editor Jatila, who is an office-bearer at the Editors' Guild found it very worthwhile. Daniel endeared himself to us all by his demeanour and quaint English accent that reminded us of Peter Sellers's Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther series. So lovable was the man that he was showered with gifts at the end by some of us.

In Toronto we met Paul Knox, the chair, School of Journalism at Ryerson University, for a discussion on media ethics, training and professionalism etc. Paul was a well-known journalist at the Globe  and Mail who has now re-located to academia. Associated in the discussion was Meena Nallainathan, a graduate student at Ryerson which is highly regarded as a training centre for media. Meena is of Sri Lankan origin and had come to Canada at the age of three.

One aspect of our tour was the conspicuous absence of gender balance in the presentations. Almost all the presenters were masculine though a few females also participated in some discussions. But at our last stop on the tour the situation was reversed. We went to the media rights watchdog - Canadian Journalists for Free expression - and met Anne Game its executive director. The boardroom was packed with CJFE staffers, all of them females but for one. In the lively discussion that followed, Victor Ivan shocked them with his unorthodox comments.

Nostalgic feelings

It must be emphasised that all sessions had time for questions and answers. Though we gleaned much information from these it was not always a one-way street. We provided some insight into happenings in Sri Lanka. What was most gratifying was the fact that some of our questions made the Canadians think about Canada inÿa way they had not thought of before. When some of them acknowledged this fact it made us feel really, really good.

From a journalist point of view our visit to the House of Commons was unforgettable. Nostalgic feelings were revived as we sat in the gallery and listened to the proceedings via earphones. Though I have watched Canadian Parliament proceedings on TV it was a refreshing change to see it from inside. I derived immense pleasure in pointing out the leaders like Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Ministers Peter Mackay, Stockwell Day, NDP Leader Jack Layton, Liberal Deputy Leader Michael Ignatieff etc. to my colleagues.

Our respect for Canadian ministers went up greatly on seeing that prior notice of questions are generally not given. The ministers rise to answer each and every question and also supplementary ones. They think on their feet and come out with answers while the treasury benches thump the table and cheer. We could not but help compare the situation with Sri Lanka where ministers are seldom present to answer questions.

Ready to answer

We also saw the media scrum where political bigwigs are accosted in the outer lobby by media personnel. Instead of shying away from the members of the fourth estate the Federal MPs stood their ground responding to media queries. Nelson Laframbroise met us outside and gave us our media accreditation passes. He also took us to the press gallery. A freelance journalist Richard Clerouxÿgave us a guided tour of the Parliament building. The magnificent library with its white pine paneling and the 'jinxed' portrait of Queen Victoria grabbed our attention.

There was a high degree of bonhomie and camaraderie among all seven of us during the tour. Though we teased Irena as a slave driver all of us were impressed by her energy and enchanted by her efficiency. All good things come to an end. Our study tour ended on March 6, andÿI bade farewell to return home to Scarborough. The other five were to go home to Colombo while Irina would go home to Ottawa. The study tour was very useful and my thanks to the High Commission and Forum for organising it and inviting me as participant.

TAILPIECE: I learnt subsequently that my colleagues had shocking treatment meted out, by boorish Air Canada officials at the Toronto Airport. They were not allowed to fly by Air Canada to London and would have been stranded if not for the presence of Irina. Adding insult to injury were the dirty remarks made and callous disregard shown. Theÿÿ Forum then bought new tickets from Cathay Pacific thus enabling my colleagues to fly home via Hong Kong and Singapore. All the goodwill created for Canada during the study tour was shattered by Air Canada.

A song, a dance, and laughing all the way to the bank

My Darling Ma-hinder,

Thellie is not one to blanch at anything dear. I've seen a goodish bit of life and lived a tad more. I may not be as long in the tooth as perhaps you are, but the trouble I've seen chile, the trouble I've seen.

Rocking to and fro on my hansi putuwa, sipping the good ole bubbly and pulling on and off on the short end of a Cuban, I can't help but muse a little bit on brotherly love.

Many moons ago I was strolling along near the West End and happened to sit through a musical of the name, style and firm of blood brothers.

The reason I bring this up now is because just the other day as I sat staring into the bulbous eyes of Baseel.no.no.not in real life but on print, my mind was thrown back to the day I sat through the blood brothers' musical. I can't think why it happened really. There was certainly no resemblance in the plot to anything that you chaps from the meda mula nethi clan do these days. Perhaps it was Baseel's blood shot eyes that got me thinking about blood...or perhaps it was something else. No matter.

Yes. I've heard of stories where three brothers go traipsing into the woods and fight all kinds of monsters. I wonder if you know the many tales of the brothers three.

I myself have been regaled with yarns as I once in years gone by sat dangling on my mater's knee in nothing but a snowy white nappy held together by a large pink safety pin. I listened wide eyed as she told me about Irishmen who would gulp their Guinness and chant limericks

About the brothers three from Waliatta

Who wanted many houses in Kurunduwatte

So they claimed ten percent

On every dollar deal that went

And put themselves on top of the murunga atta.

I can't quite put my finger on it dearie, but something about you chaps floods my mind with tall stories and gives me a powerful thirst for Irish Whiskey.

Only the other day I was talking to my general factotum Rosalyn who gasped and screeched, 'Aneey haamu, bandakka dan gini ganan.' All I'd asked the drama queen to do was cut a few 100 sticks in half for my nephew and his tiny wild friends to use as paint brushes.

Not that you, Baseel and Goatie would feel the pinch dear. And judging from what the Sri-pathi has been scribbling to you about that young pill Baseel, the fellow seems to be wallowing in the chinks.

What is it about Baseel sweetie that makes him want to poke his nose and interfere in everybody's business? I remember in those days as a little chap he had the same desire to poke his nose everywhere.

I don't know if you recall the time your mammy found him with his nose down the toilet bowl. The next day his facial projectile was leading him into an electric socket. Whether the young bloke was born with some special sebaceous glands I do not know but that bally nose has been everywhere.

So much so loving aunties and uncles steered clear from kissing the tiny Baseel on his nose preferring to land a juicy one on his forehead instead.

And Ichabod, if the boy isn't the father of the man. Still the fellow is poking his nose here and there and irritating the likes of a great deal of fellows in the blue tent.

Which reminds me darling about that barely existing foundation run by Satty's ex BIL. The fellow who not many moons ago carried slogans shouting "Shame Shame" has now only himself to blame for the shame. Not only has the chappie changed his Anti War Front slogan to Sri Lankans For Peace at the behest of Baseel he has forgotten the masses and metamorphosed into a lap dog of the political asses.

The human rights guru who swims in donor funding is no longer championing the cause of the abductees, and standing up against disappearances and the breakdown of rule of law, he is singing hosannas to the rule of war and at the top of his lungs I might add.

Luckily for him if he pulls a muscle its Bergof and Norway to the rescue.

And this Rupe fellow brings to mind another little lullaby those Irish chappies down at the local pub kept singing. It went something like this.

Baseel and his brothers got together

And decide to go to war hell for leather

So they got an NGO

To be less con and more pro

And now the masses are at the end of their tether.

Kos for us, Peking duck for them

I am no history buff believe me though once in a while when I want to sound learned I might throw in an allusion or two like some people drop names.

Like the other day some visitor to Paradise Club (PC to us habitu‚s) was dropping names the way some politicians drop bricks.

"As I was telling Mahinda the other day," I overheard him say to "Fast Cash" Mansoor in the kind of stage whisper that you hear at village pantomimes.

Ears went up at the tables nearby and all within hoo kiyana distance were trying to catch the drift of the conversation.

Nobody, not even 'Fast Cash' stopped to ask Mahinda who, because as far as the C7 cuties and the country are concerned there is only one Mahinda and he is the chap with the Chinthana which he shows now and then.

Big match blues

Actually the visitor whose name I never found out, had been referring to Mahinda Halangoda, that blue-black youngster who saved the school by the sea from being thrashed when we blue-golds were sitting pretty at the centenary Royal-Thomian cricket match.

With the match just round the corner the visitor was dissecting the relative strength of the teams, which I am told is nothing to write home about, and wondering whether it was worth witnessing the match. I haven't seen either team at play because my boss keeps me until dusk falls and schools, I understand don't play day-night cricket, like some of those professionals.

Anyway I am a rugger fan myself having donned the blue and gold jersey way back when. But it was not possible to field a team at the Law College even though the Hulftsdorp black coats were fighting a daily scrum to rope in litigants and selling dummies to clients day and night. But try as they would they hardly scored.

Be that as it may, as they say, all these are white man's games that only came to mind when I read about the huge team that Mahinda of Chinthana-katha was taking with him to China.

Optimistic

Whether he can overawe the Chinese with a battle group of 200 odd officers and men - actually ministers and others - seems a bit optimistic.

Why even Chairman Mao dealt with millions - people not Ren MinBi - and so an extra plane load of people coming to pay tribute does not disturb a single hair on their leaders' heads or the bamboo chopsticks in the hands of ten of millions of peasants.

It will probably make a mess of their carefully planned banquets and the visitors might end up with soggy pak choy. But then many of our chaps know only Chinese takeaways prepared by cooks from Kamburupitiya who know as much about Chinese cuisine as that Bundaloo knows about editing newspapers.

That anyway was the talk of the club when I collected my Old Arrack from Siribiris and joined the usual mid-week gathering.

Joining us that evening was Bandu Bahubootha, Colombo University academic turned virtuoso NGO operator.

Bahubootha was holding the floor, extolling the many virtues of the CFA (Cease-Fire Agreement to the illiterate) when Kosala "Fixer" Kehelmala shut him up quickly.

No war no cash

"I say Bandu, you fellows won't get your million buck salaries if this conflict is settled no? Isn't that true? Then back to eating kos for you."

"Hey Fixer, don't knock the kos, men. It is all that will be left to eat very soon if prices keep rising like this."

"You expect prices to come down," guffawed Kandiah Vinasapathi, formerly of the Civil Service. "You must be joking. The way money is being printed you'd think they own a wretched press."

"Why men, they do own the press - the one at Boru Gedera," chipped in Dr. Ananda (Andy to the foreign NGOs) Ansabage. "You can print almost anything there."

"No wonder they print so much nonsense. The other day some silly fellow wrote from London how Palitha is closing holes in Colombo," said Bertie Bebaddha, former MP for Arakkupattu, breaking into a bout of infectious laughter. "The headline was Foreign Ministry to close hole."

"I haven't heard that one," shrieked an excited Mabel Manasgathe; "Tell us Bertie, please."

Comic news

"This is the trouble. You people don't keep up with the comic news. Some fellow called Bushy or Wishy-Washy or such name is reporting from London saying that the new foreign secretary is plugging the holes in his ministry."

"This reporter must be having good eyesight, I mean for him to see all the way from London the Foreign Secretary closing the holes," commented Dr. Ansabage. "Is it the holes in their heads?"

"No, no he has not actually seen it. He says Palitha Kohona wants the hole in the wall through which some ministry employees are paid their salaries, to be closed."

"Myeee terrible thing no," cooed Mabel Manasgathe, "Those poor fellows won't get their salaries then what with the hole closed. Maybe they'll put it into Mean Air."

"That is not all, this Kohona chap is doing. He has ordered, according to the clairvoyant from London, that all the account's department computers which were in one room for security reasons, now be dispersed so each staffer will have one on his or her desk. That is not all my friends. He has suggested that each person have a password so others cannot tap into it."

Scared

"So this earth shattering news happening in Colombo is being reported from London. Why, he thinks he will be arrested under the terrorism laws for disclosing information useful to the enemy is it?" inquired Pulli Pachchathanni, poet laureate of Pungudathivu. "So couldn't the reporters in Colombo go look at the hole-closing and write about it?"

Before anybody could answer, Kesara Kasalagoda, Royal College/  SSC and master tea taster, cut in.

"What happens if one chap with a password gets laid up with chikungunya or falls off the bus and ends up in hospital?"

 "Then the password goes to the casualty ward with him and the computer remains silent until he is resurrected," answered Bertie Bebaddha. "Such a simple yet brilliant scheme no?"

"Why didn't someone think of this before?" asked an irritated Fixer Kehelmala.

"The answer my friend is blowing in the wind," piped in poet Pachchathanni. "The Foreign Ministry never had such brilliant minds. Priority, like charity begins at home. First plug your own holes. Then plug the huge holes in your foreign policy."

"Good heavens, I hope he is not trying to plug the holes in the Great Wall," bleated an anxious Fast Cash Mansoor, hitting the high Cs.

Invasion

"What do you mean by that?" inquired Mabel Manasgathe.

"Why dearie, the man is in China with some 200 odd others, enjoying Peking Duck and Kung Pao Chicken. He is with the presidential delegation."

"Not since the Japanese invasion of Nanking some 70 years ago, has such hordes descended on China," said yours truly, who had promised to throw in some historical asides like that woman from the Government Peace Secretariat who wrote eulogistic prose in recent newspaper articles with a few French phrases added in a seeming show of erudition and a display of au fait.

With two new brooms in the Foreign Ministry sweeping away the cobwebs of diplomacy, our foreign policy was never in safer hands, as Poet Pachchathanni so eloquently put it. One is plugging holes in the wall and the head honcho is reading the diaries of each of our heads of missions to keep tabs on their work and whereabouts.

Satellite monitoring

"How will he know if the ambassador to Tierra del Fuego is stuck in a traffic jam or is going round in circles?" asked Kosala

"Oh that is simple. The minister will be armed with a satellite navigation or circumnavigation system or something and he'll be able to track you to the very spot. So if the ambassador is at a dinner, the hardworking minister will interrupt him as the soup spoon is about to reach his lips. Whereupon the ambassador will excuse himself and leave the table to take an urgent call asking him to go meet Sour-Gin at the airport," explained Vinasapathi.

No wonder the world's diplomats are looking at us askance and tapping their heads knowingly.

What an unbeatable combination -- Rohitha and Palitha.

They should be opening our batting at the World Cup. The thought alone will drive the opposing team round the bend and who cares about foreign policy. 

Thelma

This is Paradise