Ralph  Alles: All for the children

By Ranee Mohamed

I am in his home, but I feel that I am in a school before a principal. And truly I am, for Ralph Alles has not been just a principal in one school, but the feared, loved and respected principal in several schools.  A man of many principles, but there is  only one like him. For he  has risen amidst personal travails, tears, heartache and hardship to reach the winning post, over and over again.

Ralph Alles attributes his whole life  and longevity to teaching. "I would have been dead long ago, if I was not a teacher. The children around me have inspired me to live. When the child whom I have never spoken to  comes to me  and holds my hand...these are the little things in life that have given me immense happiness," says Alles.

" I  owe it all to my mother for she nursed and nurtured me with love. She was my greatest strength," said Alles, as his family centred lovingly around him, doing the paperwork for the forthcoming book launch at the Hilton Hotel. 

"I am in the departure lounge, but I know that the school is in safe hands with  my son Harsha, who I know will do better than I did. He has been nursed and nurtured to carry on," said the confident father. His son Dr. Harsha Alles is also an old boy of D.S. Senanayake College. "And he has the backing of his brother Tiran to carry on," added Alles. There is a great sadness as he says: "Malik is no more, if he would have been here, he would have also been given a similar task ... for the for common good of society," said Alles.

Feels contentend

Ralph Alles speaks with great pride of his family. Of his wife Rohini Alles, who is an eminent educationist in the country, of his older son Tiran Alles, who brought great success to the establishments he leads and who has stood tall in the face of rough, turbulent times. He seems content now and feels the weight being gradually taken off his shoulders as his younger son Dr. Harsha Alles who is a doctor by profession dedicates his life to the well being of the  children of Gateway College. He speaks with pride of his daughters in law Lydia and Dinali Alles.

Dinali Alles is also a well known educator in the country. After years of dedicated service in government schools, she  now heads the primary section of Gateway College.

About his autobiography - Ralph Alles says that he decided to venture on it because of several pleas. "Everyone around me was telling me, 'from your successful teaching career at Royal College you went on and  you built D.S., you made Gateway the much talked of College. Tell the world how you built them all,'  they tell me."

 Worked very hard

When I look back I see a teacher who worked very hard, and I know that there are many people like me today too who can do it, for if there is a will there is a way," assures Educationist Alles.

Ralph Alles built Gateway College in the evening of his life. But his experience, his dedication and his charm blended well to build this international college. Alles has the exceptional knack for imparting educational excellence and in the same breath, reach out and touch a hand and a heart.. For when it comes to winning hearts and minds, Ralph Alles is a natural.

Time and again he had been told to tell it all - how it was all possible. And it was only then that he made up his mind about an autobiography.

 "Once I had a problem with my knees and I was required to take ayurvedic treatment.  My cousin Wimal Alles told me that if I wanted ayurveda treatment I had to come to Polonnaruwa. I felt jailed for two weeks. Herbal oil was rubbed on my legs  and after that, there was little I could do, as I had to wear special clothing," said Alles.And it was then that he decided to put those days to good use. There began the first chapters of his winning autobiography that is guaranteed to become not only any educators' handbook, but  a driving force and a  lengthy do-it-yourself guide that is packed with human feeling..

The hero

Reading on My Life, it is easy to learn that My Life can be embraced by all - by teachers, by parents, by businessmen and by students themselves.

"One day I was  invited to give a talk to children of the daham pasela by the Venerable Madihe Pannaseela.  At the end of the talk when I went to the reverend priest to pay obeisance he told me 'Mahathayo api kiyana bana lamai ahanne neha. Mahathayage bana thamai hariyanne..'" (Gentleman these children do not pay heed to the sermons we give, only your sermon can hold their interest..)

"It was also suggested that all what I said be written in a book for I was reminded that after my death there will be no one to recall my experiences," pointed out Alles.

Ralph Alles is the hero for he has beaten hardship and  heartache. Today, he is a man to be admired not just for the man that he is, but for all that he has achieved for the sake of the children,   showing us all his great strength of character in diversity.

"I was seven years old when my father passed on," he said recalling the feelings of loss that he experienced in his earliest years. "I yet remember that bleak April day when an exhausted messenger conveyed the terrible news," he said.

Maha ge

Thereafter, the brothers of Ralph Alles - Mervyn, Vincent, Anton and elder sister Irene had moved to their maha ge at 72 Kaluwella, Galle. "Though we refer to this house as maha ge, it did not belong to us. It belonged to an aunty,  Lavinia Alles. My mother's mother owned one-fifth of that house and on that part ownership we were allowed to live in that house," recalled Ralph Alles.

Though the family had been propertied, they soon found that treating their ailing father for 10 years had caused them to sell and mortgage their property. And with the death of his father, Ralph Alles experienced not only a great sense of loss but a life of considerable hardship.

"It was not food and clothes that got me through life. It was my mother's love. This is why I always say, when a father is lost or runs amok, the family will always survive, provided there is the love of a mother. But if a mother runs amok, it is then that the family crashes.." he said. "A mother will never let a child down,"  emphasised this great educationist, adding that "What a child needs more than good food and good clothes is love."  "There have been times when my mother  fed me snake gourd and rice.  But she fed it to me with love and I had to eat it. Each mouthful was named after different persons and the last mouthful was from her, and I had to eat it because I just could not hurt her," said this great educationist.

Mother's sadness

"A family must eat together. She used to talk to me. She used to tell me stories about how she used to throw custard pudding into the drain and was saddened as she said 'I cannot  give you even a sour plantain now.' I saw my mother's sadness and her tears and I was determined to make a success of my life. I used to tell myself everyday, mother I will give you a good life."

Thereafter,  as a young man he began his career at Royal College. The days passed when on one bleak day he had received a letter from his mother which spoke of a lump near her navel.  "She told me that she was feeling uncomfortable. So I took her to Dr. Handy who told me that she was suffering from that dreadful disease called leukeamia and that she will leave me in six months. I had to get my loving mother hospitalised," recalled Ralph Alles.

At that time Royal College started at 8.45 a.m. and with a break at 11.45 a.m went on till 3.45. p.m. Thus the young and handsome teacher did nothing during the breaks and after school other than visit the hospital. "I looked into her every need. I cared for her, tended her and gave her back the love she gave me," said Alles moved to tears at the memory of his mother and her last days.

"For two years I was a regular visitor to the hospital after six. I was involved in several after school activities of the school like athletics and other sports.  One day I told Rohini (by then Ralph Alles was in love with the exceptionally beautiful Rohini  who was flooded with marriage proposals from doctors, engineers and other professionals) if you are going to be my life's partner, you must see my mother. As there was much objection from her parents to our love affair, because they did not want her to marry a teacher, she was forced to come with a whole group of friends," explained Alles.

"I say that a mother is divine because as Rohini was leaving, my mother was able to pick her out from the whole group of young men and women and ask me, who is that girl in the brown saree?" She called Rohini to her side and spoke to her. She said, " My son has suffered a lot, look after him," said Ralph Alles, recalling these times as if they happened just yesterday.

"Thereafter my mother told me, 'You will be alone, do not delay your marriage,'" Ralph recalled.

Premonition

Then on January 5, 1959 his mother had called him to a side and told him "Son, the Alles' have never died in hospital. Take me from here to one of your brother's home's." "I got an ambulance and  rushed her to my brother's house at 75, Halpe Lane, Kandana.

"She was talking to me all the time, the essence of her conversation being I will be single and I should get married. She also told me that she will be leaving me early tomorrow. She placed her hand on my head and said, 'Don't worry, I will look after you.' I  was able to return her great care in a small way," he remembered with sadness.

If Ralph Alles had suffered great heartache with the loss of his father, he suffered more heartache later in life, in 1984,with the loss of his youngest son Malik Alles at 17 years of age when a cricket ball struck him on the head.

"I broke down, I wanted  to go to that same grave with Malik and the sadness has never ended. It was my wife Rohini  who though going through much sorrow, stood by me and helped me to pick up the pieces."

Then I thought to myself that my life was not for myself, it is for the children - for the future citizens of this country. The house was full of clergy - there were Buddhist  monks, priests, nuns - all members of the clergy. It was as if a VVIP had died. It was these people who told me, "Mr. Alles, stop crying, you have a duty towards the country. Wake up and start another school," recalled Ralph Alles of  the  tear-stained days of this life.

Ever since, Ralph Alles says that it has always been the little children who have kept his tears away. "Everyday, you live a new life, the way they respond to you."he said.

"It was D.S. Senanayake College that started the word putha (son). The children begin to think 'this is my father.' The word putha is frequently used at Gateway College.

Ralph Alles  also speaks of the happiness and the comfort that he gets in the  company of his grandchildren who he says comfort him and console him. 

He speaks with great sadness of the children in the north and the east. "Look at their faces. What wrong have they done, not to be treated equally?" asks Alles, who sees every child as a teacher would see him - as a child.

"All religions teach love. We ought to extend that love.." he said.

"I feel sorry for my country. When I look at my country, I think that maybe the children I have taught may become leaders who will pull the country out of this rut .." he added.

Serve your Motherland

"What I tell students is that it is very easy to leave the sinking ship. I advise them to study abroad if they want to, but come back and serve your country. I always tell myself that there is no point in criticising politicians, that I ought to criticise myself for what I have not done.." he said.

Alles went on to say "I would like to close my eyes seeing a wonderful brotherhood, religion-wise, culture-wise - all living as a happy family and all contributing equally to the progress of this beautiful land. 

Ralph Alles has turned down many an opportunity in life - better employment opportunity in the United Kingdom when he was earning comparatively a pittance in Sri Lanka as a teacher.

He also turned down the opportunity to become a chartered accountant and came back to teaching.

No regrets

Today however, Ralph Alles has no regrets, for wherever he goes in Sri Lanka he has men following him and greeting him. They say he was their teacher, once long ago. Ralph Alles, winces and then remembers.

It is a never-ending chain, he steps out of school and miniature forms greet him, "Good morning Sir." He is this little ones' teacher too.

Amazingly, Ralph Alles wearing  a tie and stern face has the doubed-edged capability of instilling fear and respect simultaneously  in both the father and son. 

Undoubtedly Ralph Alles is the richest man on earth, with a wealth of goodwill, respect and love from fathers and sons alike.

A lesson by the downtrodden 

By Dilrukshi Handunnetti

The iron women of Pastapur, as they are sometimes called had us foxed from the very beginning. Without effort, they managed to put over 100 women journalists gathered in a conference room in Bangalore to shame.

Such was their commitment and their level of achievement that many an internationally trained woman journalist present there felt delightfully eclipsed by this group of so called illiterate women farmers turned community radio/television journalists.

An impressive group of eight saree and salwar clad women sans make up, and the very essence of rural India, occupied the backseats of our conference room until called upon to show their work, and to speak about the travails of being farmers who hijacked a community media project.

And yes, "hijacked" was the word used by Vasanthi Hariprakash, a reputed VJ from Bangalore itself, in her introductory remarks about a group of women ranging from 16-67 years providing a voice to marginalsied women.

At the end of their short presentation, others sat, stunned, and moved by the fortitude of a group of women from a far flung village in Andhra Pradesh expressing their views on issues that apply not just to the farming community they proudly represent, but to all women.

The story unravels

Their story began with the Deccan Development Society (DDS), a two-decade old grassroots organisation working in about 75 villages with women's sanghams (voluntary village level associations of the poor) in the Medak District of Andhra Pradesh. The 5000 women members of the society represent the poorest of the poor in their village communities. Most of them are dalits, the lowest group in the Indian social hierarchy.

In 1996, DDS commenced its own Community FM Radio Centre. And there began a story of courage and  indomitable spirit.

The second phase was easier - to form the DDS Community Media Trust in 2001, which today is a pioneering effort in community media. Since 2005, the DDS media personnel have been demanding for a licence to operate on their own.

"Why not? we have worked hard and for long. We are the true voice of the marginalised but courageous women of Telangana (the land of Telingu people). It is our right to take this from project level to national level with a government of India licence to operate," notes the fiery all-women team who have by now connected up with thousands of similar sangams across India and have collaborated with international women and farming groups.

New heights

When DDS itself started through the commitment of a group of professionals to the people of its present project region known as Zaheerabad to continue a rural development project which was abandoned by an industrial house due to its own politico-economic compulsions, none expected a group of women to come along and take it to new heights.

The society had a vision of consolidating these village groups into vibrant organs of primary local governance and federate them into a strong pressure lobby for women - the poor and the dalits. A host of continuing dialogues, debates, educational and other activities with the people, facilitated by the DDS, try to translate this vision into reality.

Strong force

What is more, the programmes initiated by the society have evolved over the years into a strong political force for rural women. 

If the earliest objectives of DDS were to combine ecological and employment parameters to regenerate the livelihoods of the people in the area and work on three special areas - gender justice, environmental-soundness and people's knowledge, it further evolved with the FM Centre and took new shape following the forming of the Community Media Trust (CMT).

"But the beginnings were amazing. It was a project, brought like elsewhere, with the motive to promote governmental development work in a particular area. As there was sufficient interest to transfer technological knowledge to the community, rural womenfolk underwent training, and in a sense, hijacked the project to give expression to their own grievances instead of government work," explains R. Akhileshwari, a board member of DDS and principal correspondent of Deccan Herald.

None of the DDS women have undergone any training in anything before. They were simple village folk tending their fields. Some of them were battered wives, more so after they took up a cause of fighting against genetic modification of crops and later, to take on political institutions for not being women supportive on gender issues.

Challenges

"The biggest challenges eventually came from the villages. People would look at us as if we have suddenly developed horns. Our oldest member is 67 years old and villagers considered her as well beyond the age of wanting to evolve or to take up causes," one member said.

As daughters, daughters-in-law and mothers, the women of Pastapur had some daunting challenges to meet when they campaigned for the right to education for all girl children. "Amazingly, their own fathers were heard complaining that their daughters were needed to help them on the fields, and we mothers opposing that. We want our daughters empowered and we know, illiterate as we are, not knowing a word of anything except Telingu, they must study. We want them to conquer the world," gushes Rasamma, the powerhouse behind the Community Media Trust (CMT).

Prejudices

Outside their homes, these women also have other social prejudices to overcome. Belonging to the dalit community or the scheduled castes in India, when they board a bus, the social hierarchy prevents them from occupying a seat. Or if seated, a few would opt to stand up than be seated side by side.

"They were marginalised women, representing an age old culture where seeking one's identity was not promoted. But they have, and they are struggling to give their children, especially the girls a better life through their collective work," adds R. Akhileshwari.

Technicalities

Life was never easy adds Rasamma, the commanding personality in the DDS Community Media Trust. The technician of the group, she says that while undergoing video training, they had no clue what different 'shots' were all about. So we evolved our own names, like a 'Patel' shot when we took aerial views because generally in a village the Patel or the landlord would be looking down at us," laughs Rasamma.

Likewise, when zooming, the women called it a dalit shot because often a marginalised person would possess a magnifying view of issues.

Achievements

So far, the DDS Community Media Trust has made 57 films, both in Telugu and English. They  are assisted by a group of professionals to produce the English flms.

By now, they have already worked on economic and ecological agriculture work with the Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO), Crops of Truth: Farmer Perception of Agro Bio- diversity, public interest litigation (PIL) of farming and community rights, especially against genetically modified crop cultivation, uncultivated foods in collaboration with the International Development Research Centre (IDRC) of Canada, nutrient value of traditional foods, Seeds of Deccan: The Science of Farmers, alternative distribution systems, and extensive studies on cotton cultivation.

The DDS women have gone well beyond filmmaking and expanded themselves into a network of a formidable women's NGO. They have balwadies or simple childcare centers from the farm-labouring women across India, Krishi Vignana Kendra, the farm science centre devoted to organic farming science and work on people's knowledge systems to promote traditional healthcare systems.

There's more. They run 30 night schools with approximately 50% of the student population being girls besides running Ananda Nilayam or safe homes for women who are subject to domestic violence.

"There is Pacche Saale, our shelter for adolescent girls. This is to prevent girl child marriages. During summer, working girls attend school programmes and are mainstreamed into regular schools," explains Akhileshwari.

"We have so many stories to tell, and to share. But how can we if the government of India drags its feet on issuing us with a radio licence," laments Rasamma, her heart still full of hope that they could give further expression to the marginalised women in India through community media. 

The golden girls

By Nicola Perera

At the Senior Citizens' Club Dehiwela, there are two ladies of substance driven by the will to remain independent and capable of looking after themselves.

The president of the club, which is seven years old and comprises a membership of 30 says the elderly ladies wait with great enthusiasm for Wednesdays so that they can gather together from 8 a.m to 12.30 p.m  playing cards, carrom, scrabble, draughts and enjoy a snack and a cup of coffee. They are also taken on picnics and outings, and are given a grand party for Christmas and Valentine's Day. A lunch is also organised every month.

Pearl Florence White and Mary Anne Smith, both 90 years old, amaze the others with their determination to surpass fragility by humour, vigour and looking after themselves without depending on anyone. Pearl who was a 'theatre sister in charge' for 50 years (15 years at the General Hospital and 35 years at Sulaiman's where she trained nurses to work in the theatre) says after retiring she opted to go into the Marian Home Dehiwela in 1992.

Although she has good sons who visit her often, Pearl says she made the decision to stay in a home to maintain her will to be independent and have the freedom to do as she pleases and go out when she can and above all fend for herself which she takes pride in.

Anne Smith, who was a teacher for 35 years at Wesley College and St Joseph's College (all subjects) also came to reside at the Marian home in 1996, for the same reasons. The two golden girls became best of friends and keep fit by going for walks, taking their nourishments, watching their diets and attending to their lives as in the old days.

 They never fail to attend the Senior Citizens' Club where they relax and have fun. To them with age comes wisdom, the strength to endure and the will to be independent. Pearl adds, with a twinkle in her eye, that no matter how old you get, you can always remain young at heart and the secret is to never give up trying or believing in yourself.

Buckle up before you drive

Most of us use some mode of vehicle transport in our day to day lives. But do you know how important it is to wear a seat belt? Unfortunately Sri Lanka does not have strict rules on passenger and driver seat belt use. Therefore even though most vehicles imported to Sri Lanka are installed with good seat belts, our drivers or passengers never touch these. Here are some data obtained from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration in USA to prove my point.

63% of American drivers who were killed in year 1996 were not wearing seat belts. According to statistics if 90% of Americans buckled up, approximately 5500 deaths and 132,000 disabling injuries could  have been prevented each year.  Males aged 16 to 25 are the least likely to wear seat belts in America. But they are more vulnerable to injury as drunk driving and high speed driving is more common in this age group.

In-patient cost for unbuckled drivers are 50 % higher than that of injured drivers who wore seat belts.

Children who used the front seat have a very high chance of facing fatal accidents than those who used back seats.

If the driver is not using the seat belt the chance of a child in the same car being buckled up is 24%.

If the driver is wearing the seat belt the chance of children being restrained by belt is 87%.

Almost all lightweight vehicles running on Sri Lankan roads, even the small Marutis have seat belts, but does anyone use them? Better not wait till rules are implemented to use your  seat belt.

After all it's for your own safety, as well as the safety of your loved ones. It takes only 10 seconds to buckle up, but it might take months or years to heal wounds caused by not using the belt.

Remember road traffic accidents are the major killer and reason for disability in Sri Lanka, not the two decade long war.

Would like to finish with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration ABC rules:

Always slide the seat back and sit back!

Buckle everyone!

Children in back!

- Himantha Atukorale, Government Hospital, Radawana

Flora - nature's beauty at its best

By Risidra Mendis

It maybe a fashion or just a craze!

Having flowering and foliage plants in homes has become a must these days.

Strange as it may seem and despite the rising cost of living, there is much demand for plants especially in the city of Colombo.

The Viharamahadevi Park has always been the centre of attraction when it comes to plant sales. The prices maybe higher than in the outstation areas, but the quality of the plants, colours and their rare and unusual varieties draw plant lovers from all over the country.   

Prices differ

The prices of plants may differ from Rs. 20 to Rs. 4000, with plants selling at Rs. 150 to Rs.450, euphobias from Rs. 75 to Rs. 500, orchids Rs. 200 upwards, cactus Rs. 75 upwards, and bromeliads from Rs. 500 upwards.

Speaking to The Sunday Leader President, Lak Mal Show, L. S. Wanigatunge said their plant sales have never had so many varieties on display as they have now.

"Plants have become an important part in people's lives from recent times. In the past you would never see a vehicle on the road with plants. But today this is a common sight. The prices of plants differ according to their varieties. But irrespective of the prices, the demand for rare and unusual plants still remains high," Wanigatunge said.

 Lucrative

What started out as a hobby many years ago has today become a lucrative business for Wanigatunge who has for the past 22 years been involved in the growing and sale of plants. He specialises in orchids and has successfully cultured a local and imported variety of orchids to produce a new variety of orchid.

"I was the first person to start a flower show where a wide variety of foliage of rare varieties were displayed. At that time very few people had flower shows at the Viharamahadevi Park. But today there are flower shows every weekend.  There are many other organisations that have flower shows at the Viharamahdevi Park. But the Lak Mal Show is the biggest flower show in the country. We have around 3000 to 4000 members.

Wanigatunge dismissed comments made by other plant growers and sellers that the sale of plants has gone down. "Some of our members easily make Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000 during the three days of the sale," Wanigatunghe added. 

All in a day's work

Since the kids went off to Uni, one  would assume their rooms would be empty. But we have discovered that we have an uninvited nightly guest!

There is this black and white cat from next door that obviously likes our house better than its present home. It's quite unnerving when you are prowling around in the night or at the crack of dawn. This is what Caveman tends to do, since he's watching the clock, to see at what time he can go scurrying off to his golf game.

Your heart tends to skip a beat when you suddenly encounter a black and white blur of fur brushing against your legs! This morning, when I sat down to breakfast, I heard a "Meow!" and there it was, strolling upstairs as if it had an appointment to keep.

Dislodging the tiles

I shouted and summoned the entire household to shoo the creature away. At night, one can hear it walking stealthily on the roof and dislodging the tiles to get in. I yell "Shoo!" but that doesn't seem to stop it. All I get is an exasperated grunt and hiss from Caveman, since I have disturbed his beauty sleep.

I can understand if it is keeping the mice away, but apparently they visit us too, in the nocturnal hours. Quite a party going on whilst we sleep! Beautiful Dreamer is not here, or else she does regular rounds upstairs whilst she keeps up the entire night downloading or listening to music, watching movies or chatting to her friends. All very important parts of her day! (And night.)

Usually she keeps creatures at bay. Sometimes she captures some of them by upturning her wastepaper basket on them and when she wakes up the next afternoon, (no way she can wake up like a normal human being in the morning) we are given the delightful job of disposing of them. Anyway, I don't want to be ungrateful, since she did two music discs for me during the night, before she left.

They're so cute

I just spoke to my friend in Aussie. I yelled at the squirrels to go away since they were peeking in through the bedroom window. "Aiyo, why men, they're so cuute!" I told her they were on my black list since they have been gnawing at my newest set of drawing room curtains. Now they are tastefully adorned with holes near the ventilation vents. Lovely! I suppose we are lucky to be surrounded by all sorts of flora and fauna instead of living in a concrete jungle.

It's the doggies' second birthday next week. I have been ordered by both girls to give them some very special treats and bring them close to the web cam so they can see them. I hope they won't go wild and attack my computer, or wee on the keyboard or something!

Every time I call someone from downstairs, they peer into the house to check if it is one of the girls. During the day, they race upstairs suddenly, run wildly into each of their rooms, come and give me a disgusted and dismissive glance, much as to say,  "Oh, it's only you" and then run off downstairs.

Sausage sandwiches

Oh dear! Just heard from the girls. They have had a very unhealthy lunch of sausage sandwiches and chicken. And after all the lecturing and writing things down! But they have been quite good recently. As well as it's Sunday, so I suppose they can relax a bit.

 I am now used to getting texts that read like this,  "Do you have to boil chicken or can you cook it straight away?" or, "Do you cook dhall in milk or water?" and then a frantic,  "It's still hard no! What shall we do?" We find this all very amusing, but Dancing Doll is not happy at all. She says she's already fed up of cooking, cleaning and walking! With great difficulty I had to prevent myself from bursting into laughter.

I am so thankful to modern technology for enabling us to keep in touch so easily. You know exactly what goes on in their lives and what they think. You know what your friends are up to too, even though they are far away. Like the one who spoke to me just had coffee and is now going to shorten a pair of pants for her mum! Actually, you can sit for hours at the computer and not feel bored! But other things get neglected.

- Honky Tonk Woman

Life is one big story

There is a series called Discworld written by Terry Pratchett.  It's a fantasy series that doubles as an awesome parody of everything  on Earth. On Discworld things happen because there is a story whereas  on Earth things happen because people want them to.  

Perhaps occasionally on Earth things happen because the story  demands it as well. I certainly feel like I am living in one at the  moment. I have started working in a bookstore.  

Perhaps it's because we do follow stories to an extent. We are,  by instinct, a species that relies on stories of all sorts to make up  our world. Anything we do and the consequences of such actions form a  story which we repeat so that people know whether or not to perform  that action again. We turn everything into stories because we  understand anything when it comes in the form of a story. 

Subconsciously

We do things because we are told that's how things are done or  how they work or just how they are. We follow a pattern or a story. And sometimes we do it subconciously. If I were to turn to someone and say:  "I live in a port town, two minutes from bookstores and cafes and I  work in a bookstore," they would probably ask if I write or draw or  paint - because it fits the idea or mental story of an artist's  lifestyle to them. From such things are stereotypes made. If I were to  say that I lived in the countryside, the first question about occupation might be something to do with agriculture before moving onto landscape painting.  

This is how we organise the world - this is how we create it for  ourselves. And this differs from place to place. A lot of people here when they meet me, assume I am Indian and then once they are corrected  assume I must be Tamil and ask about the war or failing that the tsunami. This is fair enough because this is all they know and this is  all they can put together in terms of a story.  

Average

What is your story about the average crime fiction novel? The  butler did it, the body is in the library and is probably blonde and they probably left fingerprints or footprints somewhere and bet you  anything one of the bookcases revolves to reveal a secret passage and that's how they got in and out.

How about a sci fi novel? The hero is  an orphan human if male and an orphan banished elf with blonde hair if  female and is either a wizard or warrior who has to go on a long dangerous quest, will probably meet something akin to orcs who are of  course evil and will probably meet a sidekick along the way, who if the  hero is male will inevitably be a blonde haired damsel in distress type person. And of course the orcs are the henchmen for an evil wizard or spirit.

And there is probably some magic weapon or talisman to be  stolen back or returned or some question to answer about the hero's  dubious parentage and possibly royal birthrights or some power to be  gained, hence the quest.  

I am not putting down either genre but we create stories and then we create stereotypes out of them and then we use them to see the world through. Which creates both problems and benefits. Life is easier for  us but not necessarily for anyone else who feels the effect of us  applying these stereotypes to our logical processes.

Creativity needed 

Perhaps we need someone to create new stories - the hero, damsel in  distress and villain archetypes have been around since at least  medieval times if not earlier. Isn't it about time more people started  creating new ones? New stories? Perhaps we would create new stereotypes and new problems, but perhaps we wouldn't. Perhaps we could create new  stories and stop short of stereotypes or have so many that they negate each other.  

Perhaps it wouldn't be so hard then to find the few gems among the  crime and science/fantasy fiction authors because they would all be worth reading - even Christopher Paolini who makes me shudder in  horror as soon as I see the cover of his books.  

Maybe I could find dragons and elves amusing again.

- Marisa Wikramanayake

HUMOUR

One man's 'drink' is another man's poison  

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."  

Dumb declaration 

Three mothers - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters. The brunette said, "I was looking through my daughter's things and I found cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes." The redhead says, "Ladies, I was looking through my daughter's things and I found a bottle of liquor. I can't believe my daughter drinks." The blonde says, "I was looking through my daughter's things, and I found a box of condoms. I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

Dumb and dumber 

A blonde is driving through Florida on her way to Disneyland. As she gets closer she sees a sign that says, `Disneyland left.' So she turns around and goes home. 

Sex on Mars  

Mike and Maureen landed on Mars. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things. Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen. The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensued and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night. Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a very small member no more than half-an-inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen.

"Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"  "No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.

"Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."

"No problem," he said and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples joined their normal partners. As they walked along Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

HUMOUR

A lesson by the downtrodden 

The golden girls

Buckle up before you drive

Flora - nature's beauty
at its best