That must have been some brainstorm that day. One could almost feel the electricity surging through the collective brains of the gathered thinkers.

Throw your minds back to the days of the great Greek philosophers. Socrates and his colleagues would sit together to discuss the origins of the universe and other abstruse subjects that would have driven ordinary Greeks to pouring a bottle of olive oil on their heads instead of a few spoonfuls into their salads and gulp Grappa by the bottle.

Such Greek brain storming produced interesting theories and hypotheses that are even to this day the subject of discourse and debate in academic institutions and ivory towers in many parts of the world.

It is hard to imagine that the collective thinking that gave birth to such varied theories of the universe from the days of Anaximanes and Aristotelian logic had any influence whatsoever on the intellectually weighty work that emerged from the exchange of ideas of the Foreign Ministry’s advisory committee.

Had such ancient discourse made an iota of an impact on our advisory committee we would gladly have said hallelujah and gone back to sleep. But after reading the circular letter that the Foreign Ministry sent to several of our diplomatic missions abroad one could only marvel at the simple-minded thinking that produced such a naïve and even more obvious plan of action.

Those who know their Latin might remember the phrase "parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus" – the mountains are in labour and produced this ridiculous mouse.

I am no greater admirer of rats or even mice though an animal lover I certainly am. But after nibbling away for nearly a year the Foreign Ministry’s greatest contribution to trying to build our image abroad is now plainly there to see to those who are able to lay their hands on this weighty document distributed under the seal of one Ravinatha Aryasinha who presents himself in the even weightier designation of Director-General of Public Communication.

Readers must be aware of some of the recent public communications by the Director General which turned out to be public gaffes and the less said about his efforts at communication the better it would be for the public not to mention the country.

What we cannot let pass without comment however the advice is he has passed on to several of our missions abroad on how they should set about improving Sri Lanka’s political image.

So the new year opened for us denizens of Paradise Club down Duplication Road, our favourite watering hole where hundreds gathered to celebrate the dawn of 2008, talking of the intended jettisoning of the cease fire agreement and how the powerful and not so powerful nations of the world would react to what seems like the coming war on a larger scale than we have known for many a year.

Naturally the conversation came round to how are diplomats would cope with the new situation having to switch their talk from ceasefire to fire power.

It all started when Kohenda Kadavetuney, a big noise in the Foreign Ministry walked into Paradise Club in the company of Percy Palamalla, our man in Outer Mongolia.

"Greetings and all that to you Kohenda. How goes everything foreign?" inquired Kesara Kasalagoda, Royal College and SSC with a smirk that could be devastating.

"Glad you are here Kohenda, we were just talking about how you guys are going to tackle this image problem," said Puli Pachchathanni, the poet laureate of Pungodativu.

"What image problem is that?" asked Kohenda Kadavetuney.

If he had to ask that question he should not be holding office in the ministry I thought.

"Why, didn’t you know that your ministry has been telling your boys and girls abroad how to improve the country’s image and also soliciting their ideas," said Kosala "The Fixer" Kehelmala who had more hot news at his fingertips than the whole of the Beira Gedera press.

"Well why don’t we ask Percy. He might have received that six-point plan on how to make Sri Lanka smell sweeter than all the perfumes of Arabia," said Kasalagoda goading our diplomutts to engage gear.

"Well actually we in Outer Mongolia are not in a position to form a Sri Lanka friendship group as proposed in the ministry plan. We have no friends. I mean Sri Lanka has no friends in Outer Mongolia. And as for making friends with the Tamils, there is no diaspora, not even a Dias.

The only Sri Lankans who have been spotted in Mongolia are asylum seekers trying to find a route to get to Russia or wherever and then on to Western Europe."

"Tell me Kohenda, why is your ministry master plan sent to some 20 diplomatic missions called Sri Lanka political image building campaign?" asked Ravi Ratevedda, former MP for Nadagama.

"Yes, I was wondering about that too after reading about it in the media. Why not improve the image of the country, why should it be only the political image? Is that an admission that it is the political image, whatever that means, that needs to be polished and presented to the world," asked Sagarika Sarungale, heiress apparent to the textile billions.

"This is so funny, these same old ideas being recycled and presented as the considered opinion of some so-called committee," observed Felix Katepittu, veteran diplomat now retired. "When I was posted in the UK many years ago there was already a Friends of Sri Lanka Association that included former British diplomats and business people who had served in this country. So this is nothing new. Our missions had already established such groups."

"Now that you mention it Felix, wasn’t there another big do in London at Trafalgar Square a year or two ago. I remember seeing the photographs in our media including TV. They said President Rajapakse could not make it but Mrs. Rajapakse was there. There were some Tamil protests also at the time," added Dr. Ananda (Andy to the foreign NGOs) Ansabage.

"Yes that’s right. I think it was when the now excluded Mangala Samaraweera was foreign minister," chipped in Kesara Kasalagoda.

"Why go that far men," intervened Wendy van Rinderpest, former president of the Dutch Breudher Association. "Somebody wrote in the papers just recently that there was a big cultural do arranged by the High Commission where even some Burgher families also took part playing kaffringna music. Myee, must have been nice after all those years to hear kaffringna in London, no."

"I remember that in other capitals where I served we have had cultural shows including film festivals to promote the country flying out artistes all the way from Colombo," continued Katepittu

"Maybe this ministry ‘think tank’ is so well oiled that it is picking up all the cultural and other promotions done by our embassies and presenting them as their own plan," added Hamid "Fast Cash" Mansoor, Colombo’s casinopathi. "Then they will send a copy to President Rajapakse and show what a great contribution they are making to build our image."

"Well that is one way of hoodwinking the people," broke in Bandu Bahubootha, academic turned NGO wallah.

"The ministry also asks our missions to come up with ideas for hiring foreign lobbyists to sell Sri Lanka," I said remembering another of the proposals.

"A sound idea really. They will not only sell Sri Lanka, they will sell anything they could lay their hands on. Perhaps some ministry people have already identified individuals. I heard that somebody from the House of Lords called Green Grocer or something is being mentioned according to Aryasinha’s letter," explained Ravi Ratevedda.

"Did you read that the plan is also to organise events to which goodwill ambassadors from Colombo could be sent?" I asked having read details of the ministry plan.

"That is an excellent idea," added Mabel Manasgathe. "Why not send Gutikelli Silva and son Malakelli Silva as goodwill ambassadors for a grand performance to Berlin or London or Washington."

"Why, do you want Sri Lanka to loose the few friends we have left?" asked Kandiah Vinasapathi as the hands of the clock moved inexorably towards midnight signalling the end of one year and the beginning of another.