The extraordinary powers of
Dr. White performing a miracle
course of treatment on a patient
By Ranee Mohamed
Eliyantha Lindsay White is a childhood
friend. It was in 1990 that I heard of his
extraordinary powers from a family member.
There were gasps of amazement at that time,
but skepticism took over, giving way to
indifference and Eliyantha remained in the
close company of his friends.
rat-race existence overtook us all and we
forgot about Eliyantha.
was the youngest, hailing from a family
immersed in love and compassion. His mother
was known in Kalubowila for the meals she
fed the poor. "Have a plate of rice from her
and you will remember that meal for the rest
of your life," was the claim. And everyone
longed to have a meal from the Whites'
residence, and everyone did.
morning around 4.30 a.m. his mother and a
few other members of the White family used
to go to the temple everyday. Little
Eliyantha was taken along, whether he felt
like visiting the temple or not.
at that time that I felt strange whisperings
and a strange power," he said. As his mother
and other members of his family engaged in
Bodhi Poojas and reverence, Little Eliyantha
had more sacred experiences that he felt too
scared to talk about.
The great power
was in Sunandaramaya in Kalubowila everyday.
I had a friend who would go with me and I
spent a long time - thinking, meditating and
experiencing that great power that was
reaching out to me.
at this time that I met a friend who
suffered from a cancerous condition in his
leg. I was at the temple. My thoughts were
with my friend and I was asking the power
reaching out to me to help my friend. I was
in deep thought about my friend and I felt
myself moved by his condition and his
suffering," recalled Eliyantha.
happened next was witnessed only by
Eliyantha and his friend. A power from the
universe reaching out to him, whispered to
him that there is medication for his friend
and that they ought to get a container. The
young men had obtained a container and
Eliyantha had held it out and watched it
fill. The medication from the universe was
for his friend with the cancerous condition
and when he did consume it, the condition
disappeared, the leg healed and the friend
led a normal life thereafter.
was aware of his great powers, but he kept
it to himself. In the love and warmth of his
good mother and father, the young man
continued his life of love and compassion,
dedicating his life and interests to the
Buddhist temple in Kalubowila.
Free of charge
It was at
this time that young Eliyantha White felt
the need to use his power to give solace to
people in distress. But the only condition
from the power from the universe was to
treat people free of charge.
intention was never to make money out of my
ability and I continued to give solace to
the sick, ailing and the distressed," said
time Eliyantha began to use the power gifted
to him through loving kindness, he began to
heal and console thousands of people. He
began to see people at Eeyamporuwa
in Madiwela and thousands thronged there in
search of Eliyantha's ability which was
heightened with love and compassion
was a time when he treated 1200 people a
day. He never charged one cent from anyone
and people who met him had their problems
erased from their lives," said a person who
had sought his help several years ago.
a time when Eliyantha White could not walk
on the streets nor attend to his personal
matters without being thronged by people.
"When he stopped his visits to the temple
there were 51,000 people on the waiting
list," said a well wisher. But what mattered
was that Dr. Eliyantha White had taken away
the woes and suffering of 670,000 people.
miraculous, it was unbelievable and it was
divine. He was able to get us help and
medication from the universe and we watched
as he picked it up and gave it to us," said
a woman who had watched Dr. Eliyantha at
the temple. "This is not just what I have
seen, there are thousands who have seen this
happening. It is the experience of thousands
of people, they have all seen Dr.
Eliyantha's connection with the universe,
they have all witnessed the love on his face
and the compassion, and more importantly,
what he is able to do for us," said the
today, Eliyantha, a doctor of ayurveda is
focused on helping people with medical
problems. "It is also called Nila Sashthraya.
When someone sits before me with an ailment
I can study his reports and feel his system,
but what is more important is that I can see
a light, as small as a welder's sparkle and
I begin to hear and sense the medication
for his ailment," said Dr. Eliyantha.
several claims of this nature made by
various people, but none that have so
vehemently endorsed the claim by practical
cures. From VVIPs to clergy, from school
children to ministers, from lawyers and
judges to medical doctors, they all line up
to speak of their experiences with Eliyantha
absolutely no doubt about his capabilities.
He treated me for four days without a fee or
reward and I am now totally cured," said a
lawyer who went on to say that his
experience with Dr. Eliyantha is remarkable.
a doctor with an MBBS qualification says,
"My father was suffering from backache for
nearly 30 years following trauma to the
spine. It was a backache that affects his
day to day activities. He sought treatment
from several physicians and had only
X-rays taken of the spine also showed age
related changes, bridging osteophytes and
reduced bone densities. Recently one of my
cousins introduced my father to Dr.
Eliyantha Lindsay White while explaining the
miracles he has performed. After a brief
course of treatment administered by Dr.
Eliyantha my father improved rapidly, and
within a few days he is now able to carry
out his day to day work comfortably.
Amazingly he could gain full range of
movements in the spine. I didn't expect
cessation of the disease process such
rapidly. It is a miracle!" says this doctor
of the Western system.
there are thousands who have benefited from
Dr. Eliyantha Lindsay White's gift from the
universe. Admirable is the fact that Dr.
Eliyantha keeps his source of income apart
from his gift from the universe. "I keep the
way I earn my living separated from my cure
and consolation," he says, determined not to
make money out of his gift from the sacred
precincts of the Buddhist temples and the
love and compassion from his heart.
Dr. Eliyantha Lindsay White says that he is
indebted to the President for spearheading a
plan to help thousands of patients with
cancer, cardiac ailments and other
conditions. "President Mahinda Rajapakse has
personally intervened to obtain a link for
me to get the herbal ingredients to prepare
the cures. I am truly grateful for his help
and for his kindness." said Dr. Eliyantha
to help people for as long as I can," says
Dr. White as his loving kindness lights up
his face. The list of people Dr. White has
cured are far too long and far too varied to
be cited here. His cures, his ability and
his thinking come as a refreshing change in
Sins of past births
Eliyantha Lindsay White says that our
ailments and our woes are due to the sins of
past births. "We hear people say that he or
she is doing so much wrong, yet continue to
live happily. The fruits of such wrongful
action may not come in this birth, may not
come in the next birth, but it will
certainly come, in some birth." he says.
on to say that the ailments that afflicts us
are due to our wrongful actions in the past
births. "There are some people who are ill
in some way or the other almost everyday.
There are people who virtually live on drugs
and always carry them in their office bags
or have them in their drawers - all these
afflictions are caused due to past bad
karma. I believe that ailments like
arthritis are due to harm done to animals in
the past. Breaking limbs of animals in this
birth or in the past will cause the same
suffering in the wrong doer in some birth.
We may live without an ailment for 20 days
and be ill for 10 days - this is the balance
chart and is formed by the good and the bad
we have done in the past," says Dr. White.
for certain that what we do will certainly
come back to us, be it good or bad," says
today's world of robbery, murder, cheating
and killing, Dr. Eliyantha Lindsay White's
warning is a reminder that nudges us to be
more conscious about and more loving towards
living beings around us - to be aware of how
much pain, heartache and tears we may cause
them, before we ill-treat or hurt them.
Easter and its message
does Easter signify? The Bible says God
created the universe and all that is in it.
He then fashioned man and blew into him His
life and he became a living soul. He was
Adam. Then God made Eve. He handed over the
world and all its assets to Adam and his
wife, Eve, to enjoy. In doing so he
stipulated that they should be obedient to
God's Word and that they should not do
anything on their own against the Word.
the punishment for disobedience would be
death - spiritual as well as physical. In
the Garden of Eden, Satan, also referred to
as the serpent, beguiled Eve and through
her, her husband, into disobeying God. This
broke their relationship with God and sin
entered into them. They thereby brought
themselves under the rule of Satan. They
lost God's blessing and bounty, and brought
themselves under God's curse. The chaos in
the world today is due to Satan. He is
proud, stubborn, angry, selfish, wicked and
much evidence to show Satan is ruling the
world. Soon after Jesus was baptised in the
River Jordan He went to the wilderness.
There Satan confronted Him and claimed the
world belonged to him and that he was
prepared to transfer his authority to Jesus
if He would fall down and worship him.
be noticed that while Jesus refused to bow
down and worship, He however did not contest
Satan's right over the world. This was
because Jesus knew that Satan had
deceitfully acquired right over the world
from Adam and Eve. Further, in at least
three different instances Jesus refers to
him as 'The Prince' of this world.
calls him 'the Evil God of this world' and
St. John in his epistle states 'that the
whole world is under Satan.' In St. John's
Gospel, Jesus calls Satan a thief with three
main objectives - to steal (mankind's peace,
joy, health, success, prosperity, etc.),
kill (through disease, accidents, violence,
suicides, etc.) and destroy (natural
disasters like cyclones, floods, earthslips,
earthquakes, volcanic eruptions as well as
man made disasters such as fires etc.).
John's Gospel Chapter 13 Verse 2 tells us it
was Satan who put it into the heart of Judas
to betray Jesus. Judas instead of rejecting
the suggestion, turned it over in his mind
and finally, Verse 27 says, Satan entered
Born with sin
Adam and Eve's rejection of God's Word and
rule, and accepting Satan's word and rule,
all mankind today is diseased. We are born
with a sinful nature. Even very small
children exhibit anger, jealousy etc. Romans
3:23 says: 'All have sinned and came short
of the glory of God.'
6:23 declares the wages of sin is death.
However, God in His infinite love and mercy
wanted to free man from this curse. He
therefore sent His only Son Jesus, who was
born of a virgin through the Holy Spirit,
into the world. Jesus came both to redeem us
from the curse and also to reveal God to us.
said: 'He that hath seen the Father,' and 'I
and my Father are one.' To the question
'Whom is God like?' the answer is 'Like
Jesus.' The Bible tells us that Jesus took
all our sins, weaknesses and diseases upon
Himself, as our substitute. He paid the
wages of our sin through suffering and dying
on that Cross in our place. It is the
Bible's claim that Jesus died for all
mankind without exception. He died without
protesting because He knew He came to
fulfill the Father's Will.
story, as we know, does not end there. The
triumphant Christian claim is that after
paying the supreme penalty of death, Jesus
broke the bonds of death and the grave, and
rose again and is alive for evermore.
Colossians 2:15 declares that through Jesus'
resurrection Satan and all the spirits that
he controls have been exposed and defeated.
news is that if a person recognises his
sinful nature, repents of his wrong ways, is
willing to forsake his wrongful ways, seeks
God's forgiveness and invites Jesus Christ
into his life as his Lord and Saviour, then
his sins will be forgiven and forgotten and
God's divine life will enter into that
divine life, the Holy Spirit, is granted
Lordship that person's whole nature and
personality changes. The Bible says: 'If any
man is in Christ (under the Lordship of
Christ) he is a new person altogether. His
past is finished and gone and everything is
made fresh and new.' (2 Corinthians 5.17).
reasoning mind this may not seem clear. It
may even appear fantastic. But as the Bible
says, spiritual things have to be
spiritually discerned. The experience of a
new life in and through Christ is acquired
by faith. All this is possible only because
Onset of rain brings
disease in its wake
By Shezna Shums
viral fever have been reported from many
parts of the island, especially from areas
where there have been heavy rain. Studies
conducted by the Epidemiological Unit of the
Ministry of Health show that viral fever is
common after heavy showers. However at
present the likelihood of an epidemic is
unlikely according to medical sources.
officers at the Epidemiological Unit say
that there have been isolated cases of viral
fever reported from some districts following
the recent showers.
receive information of such cases, the
Medical Officers of Health (MOH) in these
areas immediately send blood samples of the
patient to the Medical Research Institution
(MRI) for investigations," said the doctor.
Once the blood samples are tested then we
study the results to see if it is a viral
fever, dengue, chikungunya or some other
type of fever.
there is no danger of an epidemic at this
point in time. If the investigations reveal
a mosquito borne disease we immediately
carry out awareness programmes in the
affected areas," explained the medical
fever can spread through both air and water.
The symptoms of viral fever however differ
from person to person.
medical officer noted that if a person is
suffering from persistent fever and any
other symptoms he/she should seek medical
assistance without delay.
patients suffering from a viral fever may
experience headaches and body aches.
this year a viral fever was reported from
the District of Anuradhapura soon after a
present heavy showers in Anuradhapura and
Polonnaruwa health officials have been
urging the public to be careful with the
food and drinks they consume.
Coordinator, Dengue Control Unit, Ministry
of Health, Dr. Lakshmi de Silva says that
although there is no danger of an epidemic
people should be careful about their
surroundings, more so due to the present
inclement weather, both during the day and
night, as there is a possibility of rain
water collecting in open receptacles which
then become mosquito breeding places.
breeding grounds should be destroyed to
prevent mosquitoes freely breeding during
this spell," said Dr. de Silva.
from the dengue virus that could spread
following the rains there is also a threat
of Chikungunya. Symptoms of Chikungunya
include high fever, joint and muscular pain,
headaches and body aches. These are also
some of the symptoms of the dengue virus.
Previously a mysterious fever was affecting
people in the Kuruwita area. Following blood
tests it was identified as Chikungunya and
in some cases dengue. The symtoms reported
included suffering from fever, vomiting and
arthritic pain in the limbs. The patients
had been from Kahawatta, Kuruwita,
Godagawatte and Pallebedda as well as some
other places in the Sabaragamuwa District.
flu like symptoms had been reported by those
affected in Sabaragamuwa which were later
identified as Chikungunya and dengue.
month the Colombo Municipal Council (CMC)
reported that there had been a large number
of Hepatitis A patients, especially from the
Colombo North area.
patients were from Mattakuliya and were
living close to a large garbage dump. During
heavy rains the rotting garbage posed
further health risks.
investigations had revealed that people
living in Mattakkuliya and the surrounding
areas have been forced to use contaminated
water. Some households are not even aware of
the state of the water they use.
A is a highly contagious liver infection
caused by the Hepatitis A virus. Although
not usually as serious as other types of
viral Hepatitis, Hepatitis A causes
inflammation of the liver, seriously
compromising its functions.The usual cause
for the spread of Hepatitis A is consumption
of contaminated food and water.
personnel advise that the public should
practice good hygiene by washing their hands
before cooking or before touching food and
Snakes are also a part
of the eco system
Snakes come in search of rats and
that are attracted to rotting garbage
By Risidra Mendis
Encounters with snakes are a common
occurrence among people in Sri Lanka. No
matter where we maybe, avoiding encounters
with snakes is easier said than done. A
country like Sri Lanka that abounds with
paddy fields, forests areas and shrub lands
are prone to snakes looking for warmth and
protection. Snakes generally take cover
among the overgrowth and shrubs.
all other animals snakes too are a part of
the environment and need to be protected in
order to sustain the balance in the eco
system. Killing a snake when we encounter
one is not the best solution to prevent
snake bites and deaths resulting from snake
bites. Prevention is and has always been the
best option to avoid snake bites.
has recorded 96 species of snakes, of which
51 are endemic. Of these, five - the Cobra,
Russel's Viper, Indian Krait, Ceylon Krait
and the Saw Scaled viper - are listed as
to The Sunday Leader Zoologist Dilan Peiris
says that in Sri Lanka most snake bite
victims are bitten by the Russel's Viper and
the Cobra. "The Ceylon Krait rarely bites,
but a person can die if bitten by this
snake. Snake bites from the Hump Nosed Viper
are also recorded but this snake is not
the 1000 odd snake bites recorded in the
country every year, 800 are caused by the
Russel's Viper. However the death rate of
snake bite victims is around 200. Due to the
availability of anti venom many snake bite
victims have recovered after these deadly
bites," said Peiris.
to Peiris, snakes are attracted to garbage
dumps in home gardens. "Many people don't
pay much attention to the garbage getting
collected in their back gardens. People also
have the habit of throwing their left over
food and waste in their back garden and
forget to clear it. The rotting garbage
attracts rats and frogs. Snakes get
attracted to the scent of rats and frogs and
come in search of them," Peiris explained.
to Peiris most snakes eat rats and frogs and
the best way to prevent snakes from coming
into your home garden is to prevent the
collection of garbage. "If you have a garden
make sure there are no areas where snakes
people have the habit of piling tiles and
planks of wood in their gardens for later
use. Some gardens have spaces close to the
walls where a snake can hide. Snakes have a
tendency to hide in places where it is dark
and warm. If you have a garden make sure to
keep it clean and tidy to avoid attracting
snakes," Dilan said.
books and papers in your home is not
advisable as this can attract snakes.
"Snakes have a habit of hiding among papers
and books in houses. Precautionary measures
such as carrying a torch when moving around
at night and treading heavily while walking
on dark roads can prevent a person from
getting bitten by snakes.
thuds from your feet scare away the snakes
and prevent the creatures from coming to the
road or path that you are using. The
Russel's Viper comes out at night but is
also known to come out in the daytime in
paddy fields and areas around them. The
Cobra usually comes out during the day, but
is now known to come out at night as it
prefers to avoid human contact," Peiris
Embrace Hatha Yoga and
lead a fuller life
Nanda Siriwardene, guru of Hatha yoga, has
transformed and changed lives. Everyday, he
breathes in and breathes out yoga, he thinks
yoga and he lives yoga, and warns us that
fashionable gymnasiums with young
instructors, fat blockers and happy walks
down Independence Square are not the ways to
fitness and fight fat... The proven way to
complete fitness is Hatha yoga he says. One
can start it at 65, for age is no barrier
and the postures will only help ward off the
ailments and pain, claims this Yogi.
By Ranee Mohamed
Siriwardene sits opposite me. His muscles
ripple, his hard body and his youthful looks
arouse amazement and envy. This Fifth Dan,
Black Belt, instructor of Martial Arts -
the maestro of Kyokushin karate is also the
revered guru of Hatha Yoga.
average person may go to office everyday or
run a business but Nanda Siriwardene's life
is about wellness and well-being. His
hundreds of students revere him. Many long
to be like him. But for Siriwardene the path
has been long and hard, and he has emerged
the victor. Today, he is so totally
dedicated to his job - promoting wellness
and physical fitness in others and the side
effects are not stress and tension, but
total well-being in his own self.
near the Kohuwala Police Station is an
aerobics sweatshop, but here too Nanda
Siriwardene winds himself in different,
difficult asanas. Passers-by stare in
disbelief, yet they know that if one man can
do it, so can all others.
Siriwardene speaks with love, respect and
great reverence of his master of Kyokushin
karate, Masutatsu Oyama. Siriwardene is Sri
Lanka's branch chief of Kyokushin karate.
however it is not about his 25 years of
martial arts that he speaks out. He speaks
out about yoga - the Hatha Yoga he began in
1974 which he says has changed his life and
the lives of all those who come to him.
means unity. It means connecting with the
universe. It enables one's mental and
physical self to tune up and draw strength
from the universe," said Nanda Siriwardene.
And Siriwardene has been connecting to the
universe with world famous gurus as Dr. Babu
Sri Kanth. Having been at the B.K.S.
Aiyanagar Institute in India, and with Swami
Maharasta and several other gurus,
Siriwardene is an authority on this revered
Siriwardene said that when one passes youth,
one needs to take care of his or her organs.
"Violent exercise that tax the heart ought
to be avoided." He went on to warn about the
impact of violent exercise and haphazard,
unguided jogging and running, and the strain
it can have on one's knees. It can have a
devastating impact on one's joints,
especially on the knees.
Yoga on the contrary cures ailments. It
cures arthritis, back pain and diseases
caused by stress. It soothes one's very
being," said this respected guru of yoga.
Yoga is a deep-rooted subject. It is a
science, its is a philosophy and it is an
art. It involves asanas (postures) and
breathing techniques. It involves prana yama.
It means prana plus ayama meaning stretching
the energy, extending the exercise with air.
Hatha Yoga develops both the mind and body
and involves eight pillars, namely Yaama,
Niyama (self concentration and discipline),
Asana (postures), Pranayama (breathing
techniques), Prathihara (determination),
Daharana (dedication), Dihana (meditation)
and Samadi (deep meditation).
Yoga is not about complicated postures.
There are three stages to choose from - for
the beginner, for the intermediate and for
the advanced Hatha Yoga. I have students who
are 60 years old. There are no barriers to
Hatha Yoga. It is for total wellbeing and it
is for all," said Siriwardene, showing the
equipment that he uses for some of the
Hatha Yoga is ideal for those ageing, for it
is for both mind and body. We see many
senior citizens in temple, they are in
search of purity of mind. Meditation is
common among the ageing. Hatha Yoga gives
strength of mind and mental clarity till the
last stages of life," explained Siriwardene.
Yoga for all
does not mean that yoga is only for senior
citizens. In fact the younger one begins,
immense are the rewards. If one begins yoga
at a younger age it slows down the process
of decay. I am ageing, but my body does not
show it, my body, just like anyone else's is
deteriorating but the process is very, very
slow," said a confident Siriwardene.
Yoga slows down ageing and adds a radiance,"
assures this guru of Hatha Yoga.
Siriwardene who went on to say that the mind
is the secret of physical strength and
well-being added that this is why one must
protect one's mind with Hatha Yoga.
forget however that there are many systems
of yoga. Some meditate with a few postures (asanas)
and this is called Raja Yoga. Some others do
so with love and compassion and also give
away one's possessions and call it Bhakthi
Yoga, which is akin to being closer to the
deities. Yet others use their wisdom -
through meditation they find truth and get
connected, and thus call it Gnana Yoga.
are others who try to ascertain their
origin, happiness and the reasons why some
are born without limbs, eyes and are
deprived in various ways and call it Karma
Yoga," explained Nanda Siriwardene.
however there are many kinds of yoga shops
everywhere. This is why one must be careful.
Yoga ought to be practiced under the
guidance of a qualified guru," advised
Nanda Siriwardene said that our modern lives
have given us many ailments and one ought to
give priority to oneself before anything
else. "Physical well-being is of great
importance. Lord Buddha has said Arogya
Parama Laba, which means good health is a
great profit," said Nanda Siriwardene who
strives to achieve good health for all
beings and has unknowingly benefited from
his compassionate gesture.
Newer technology to
fight modern day ills
By Ranee Mohamed
of today are wide and varied and almost
every affliction is spurred by this rat race
existence. Stress, hypertension, cardiac
disease, obesity and even hair loss that
affect a larger section of our society are a
result of fast living, overworking and self
neglect. And it is in this backdrop that
four new machines spring into focus.
to Sri Lanka by Healthwonder, the blood
circulatory massager, hypertension
apparatus, Acupoint Treasure and Fat Sport
Expert may at first sight appear compact,
but for the kind of work they do, they have
also been awarded and appreciated worldwide.
result of both American and Chinese
expertise, these newest technologies are now
in Sri Lanka and come as a welcome and easy
circulatory massager is comparatively large
and even larger are the functions and the
benefits of this 'total cure' wonder
machine. "This machine has been invented by
a Chinese team in consultation with American
doctors. One is required to stand on it for
seven and a half hours, both in the morning
and evening. The machine begins to stimulate
you as it begins to vibrate and this process
causes blood circulation to travel spirally.
It is proven that the machine reduces
cholesterol problems and has eliminated the
need for bypass surgery," said its importer.
on to say that it has also been clinically
proven that the machine reduces and controls
sugar levels, soothes arthritis,
haemorrhoids and reduces weight. "Standing
on this machine for 15 minutes gives one a
workout that is equivalent to running or
jogging for five kilometres," pointed out
the introducers of this machine to Sri
small rounded apparatus that can fit into a
ladies handbag, was described as a wonder
equipment that can bring down blood
pressure. "Merely combing your head several
times with this machine will reduce
hypertension. It is also good for low blood
pressure. After using this machine for two
weeks, patients found that their pressure
had been reduced without the use of
use of this machine does not mean that one
has to give up one's medication," explained
the duo. This small apparatus seems to be a
wonderful companion for if one is feeling
sleepy, all one has to do is to stop the car
or stop the work one is doing and merely
comb one's head several times and one is
awake and revived again.
a magic machine, it also fights stress and
stops falling hair. Moreover, it has been
found to improve hair growth on balding
persons under 40 years of age," said the
importers of this machine.
hand held piece of technology called the
Acupoint Treasure has truly emerged as a
treasure for the illnesses of the modern
world. This compact machine has been
recognised not only as a beauty machine but
also as a curer of over 38 illnesses and
the jade covering at the end and it becomes
an acupoint equipment that stimulates
pressure points to cure migraine, helps to
stop smoking, alcoholism, cure back pain,
arrest knee pain, cure kidney ailments,
stop premature greying, control and cure
optic problems and stop hair loss.
beauty of this hand-held apparatus is that a
piece of jade affixed to its acupoint will
transform it into a cosmetic appliance,
giving the user the beauty secrets that jade
gave Cleopatra. The jade affixed at the end
of the acupoint will eliminate dark circles
and dark patches in the skin," said the men
behind this machine.
Sport Expert is the third machine that has
come to Sri Lanka to fight fat. It is aptly
called the 'little doctor of fitness.' "Put
the switch on and attach it onto one's
abdomen and stomach for five to six minutes
a day and one will see the fat melt away,"
said the representatives of Health Wonder.
They went on to say that this machine can be
used indoors and without any side effects
whatsoever just like its other new
'colleagues.' They also warned that the use
of this produce will entail loss of energy
causing the user to be hungry and thus
recommend the intake of a healthy diet of
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trip to the salubrious hills
first time, I packed my bags and went off to
the hills without Caveman. We girls resolved
not to take any snacks along, since food was
to be our last priority. Alas! Although the
spirit was willing, the flesh was weak. We
left at dawn after a prayer. We stopped for
breakfast at a rest house by a river.
Everything tastes so much better when you're
in good company! Most of them had brought
along their favourite pillows and gently
snored their way through the rest of the
bungalow was in a most picturesque spot
overlooking a lake. Some people were scared
to sleep alone and wanted to share rooms. I
had a whole huge room and bath to myself!
Then we all trooped outside, breathed in the
pure air and agreed that this was the life!
got down to the most important things on the
agenda, namely, menus and venues. In our
extensive shopping list, meat, cauliflower,
strawberries and home baked bread were
Check out the menus
that, we all piled into our vehicles and hit
various places in and around town and
checked out their menus. So what? Our time
was limited, and we wanted to go to the very
best places. One very grand place could only
offer a measly piece of chocolate cake, a
muffin, one sandwich and a cuppa for high
offer was very firmly rejected by one and
all. And so on we went, until we were
satisfied that we were going to be well and
that American Idol was showing that night,
and though my friends thought I was totally
batty, I pleaded with them to delay dinner
so I could watch it. On entering the
exclusive club, we were informed that some
in-house guests were occupying the
television room and we couldn't go in.
"Okay!" I said, "Please let's go elsewhere
point a whole host of managers and staff
emerged from various dark corners they had
been lurking and hastily informed us that
there were several other televisions we
could watch. So we all trooped into a bar
and seated ourselves expectantly.
Wailed out loud
horror, they couldn't tune it to the correct
channel. "But I came here because I was told
they had cable," I wailed out loud. Then
voila! The barkeeper hastily obliged and we
settled down to watch. Well, everyone agreed
it was worth watching.
had our gourmet dinner that ran into several
courses and was served by white-gloved
stewards. Heavenly! We retired to the lounge
and sat by a roaring fire and had coffee
before heading back.
heavy breakfast, we virtuously voted to skip
lunch and have high tea. Time was running
out! We had to have strawberries and cream,
stewed rhubarb and tree tomatoes with
custard.and..we plotted and planned when we
could have all of it.
visited a farm, and ordered fresh vegetables
and herbs. We marched into the main market
and caused a very big commotion buying meat,
vegetables and fruit. The vendors looked
slightly bemused as we dashed around
exclaiming, "Ooooh! So fresh and lovely!" Of
course, the "Soooo cheap" part of it we kept
Zillions of jackets
someone reminded us there were jackets just
by the marketplace. Off we raced, where
everybody tried on zillions of jackets. I
was told that the claret coloured one looked
simply divine on me and I absolutely had to
get it. I just couldn't resist a smart black
number too, although Caveman eyed them
doubtfully and said, "I hope these are the
only two you're planning to take on our
trip?" As if two jackets are enough!
went to a Fransiscan Convent and bought
wine, jam and sauce. We sampled a bottle of
wine before our splendiferous dinner (into
which we had crammed all the missing items
on our menu). Then we danced, sang, learned
the salsa and jive, and giggled like
schoolgirls until early morning.
another heavy breakfast and a prayer, we set
off, stopping to pick up our strawberries.
We had decided to have a very light snack at
lunchtime, but after it vanished in a trice,
we were forced to order more. Seriously! So
replete but happy, we returned home. Caveman
actually unpacked my bag.
only item on the agenda we had no time for
was Scrabble and Snakes and Ladders. Maybe
- Honky Tonk Woman
The Honours Handbook For 2008
year is well on its way through the calendar
and the university year has started as well.
The University of Notre Dame opened its
doors to the new and returning students for
the first semester of 2008 the week before
last and today had their usual commencement
parade down High Street in Fremantle. This
is probably the first parade Fremantle sees
each year now.
just the start of a new phase of life for a
whole fraction of domestic and international
first year students, it is also a less than
wonderful return to the world of textbooks,
early morning classes and exams and nowhere
near enough time to do those wonderful
necessary things like sleep late, play
computer games or go out partying or
clubbing for the rest of the student body.
of the student body bar the handful that are
doing postgraduate work, internships or are
involved in honours research - they are all
are one of this group for the last two or
three months, you would have been going
absolutely crazy as you tried to decide on a
thesis topic, tried to narrow it down to a
research question, tried to figure out how
you would answer it and more importantly
tried to organise supervision, enrolment and
ethics paperwork. And just because you might
have finished this part of the honours year,
does not mean it's one less thing to worry
honours student confessed at the workshop
this week: "I had to start again - my
initial topic was not going to work. So I am
now two weeks behind."
next six months, you will get back aches
from spending too long sitting down reading,
writing, researching. You will get headaches
from straining your eyes over fine print,
computer screens and microfiche. You will
become extremely stressed, your friends,
flat-mates, family and partners all wavering
between genuine encouragement for you and
genuine fright at how emotional you get.
Some of them will resign themselves to the
fact that they are not going to get any
sleep till it's done simply because you will
wake them up at all odd hours so you can
tell them what you just discovered or you
can belabour and brainstorm over a
particularly difficult part of the project.
And worst of all they will have to resign
themselves to the fact that they will no
debut throughout all this, by mere
association with you, be forced to learn
something about a subject they have
absolutely no interest in.
what you do decide to do for your research
topic is likely to be something that you and
only you are interested in. At a stretch
your supervising professor might be somewhat
interested or knowledgeable about some
obscure microscopic detail of your project
that they might use later in their own
research but unfortunately this is all your
own obsession. And obsession is putting it
mildly. I was told by my supervisor and the
dean of my college and that you need to be
obsessed to do honours - you need the
obsession because it is often
thing that keeps you going throughout the
process - the only thing that makes you
want to finish it. If you can say things
about your association with the subject that
err slightly on the normal side of possible
loony bin certification, you are on the
right track. Well with that in mind, I
nominate a friend who is so obsessed with
Thomas Peel and the politics surrounding his
life in Western Australia that she is sure
that his spirit hangs around her.
have to be prepared for the inevitable film
of haziness that clouds of people's eyes
when you start talking about what you are
doing for your honours. Even your fellow
honours students and coordinators will start
to do this - in my case they already are. To
them and most others, if they cannot follow
it or understand it or just don't care, they
are not likely to be interested and are very
likely to label it as "boring" - never mind
the ramifications it might have in the
future for research in your field.
thing you must be ready for is the
depreciation and deterioration of your
social life. It suffers from the tertiary
education system's version of "let's not
disturb the honeymoon couple" syndrome. This
is when as soon as you start a new romantic
relationship of any sort and at any level of
seriousness, your friends give you a wide
berth because they assume that you won't
have any time for them because you want to
be with your newfound flame. And they do
this without consulting you purely out of
good but stupid intentions. The exact same
thing happens with honours: "But you'll be
busy." said someone today. Well, one is
never too busy to talk for a few minutes at
the very least.
have to deal with the detractors: "Why do
you want to do honours anyway?" or "Why are
you wasting money on yet another year that
you don't need?" You can't spend or waste
any time trying to explain to these people
that doing Honours is not decided on a needs
basis necessarily - that you don't do it
because you might need it or it might be
helpful for a job or career later on. Trust
me, these people are not the sort of people
who'd understand. You do it because you want
to, because the topic interests you or more
likely because you walked into the
supervisor's ever so carefully planned and
sprung trap of "Oh, you spotted this - why
don't you write a thesis about it?".
year is a very good tool for weeding out the
wheat from the chaff of your social circle.
Those who don't understand and keep bugging
you about not doing it, about graduating and
so on are to be dropped immediately. These
are people who have now clearly demonstrated
that over the years you may have known them,
they clearly know nothing whatsoever about
what motivates or drives or interests you as
don't know it's because they don't care
enough to bother. The ones you should keep
are the ones who patiently sit and listen as
you alternatively expound your theories to
the universe via them and then sob bitterly
on your shoulder when Excel and SPSS refuse
to do the nice pretty algorithm calculations
you desperately need them to do on your
data. They are the ones who will keep
replenishing the magic surfaces of your
desk/lounge/coffee table/beside table with
the god-sent gifts of soft
likely to be considered a caffeine laced
stimulant. The ones who deal with the bills
with only gentle nudges to remind you that
you really need to give them another hundred
bucks for the power bill before the
electricity is cut off and you lose that
latest draft of your thesis you have worked
so hard on. They are the ones who insist on
you sleeping or getting out of the house
into the fresh air on weekends.
hopefully at the end of it all, come
September when you hand the final draft in
or October when the actual final "this is
it" copy goes in, the final presentation is
done and you can collapse and refuse to talk
to anyone for weeks. Of course, this is when
everyone insists that you celebrate and try
to drag you out of bed (or wherever you
that is when you have to wonder and find
out for yourself, if it was really all worth
it. I will let you know in October.
- Marisa Wikramanayake
Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Yes, you can speak to me.
No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Yes I understand you want to speak to
anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
am Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan!
I know you are someone and you want to talk
to anyone! But what's this urgent matter
Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that
our brother Noe Wan was involved in an
accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe
Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right
now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
Look, if no one was injured and no one was
sent to the hospital, then the accident
isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!
You are so rude! Who are you?
I'm Saw Ree.
Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your
That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.
What they really mean
VENGSARKAR - When you rearrange the letters:
DIANA - When you rearrange the letters: END
IS A CAR SPIN
LEWINSKY - When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: -
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters:
- MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
-A ROPE ENDS IT
When you rearrange the letters: -THEY SEE
POINT: - When you rearrange the letters: I'M
A DOT IN PLACE
THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you
rearrange the letters: - WOMAN HITLER
Rest for a while
recently deceased husband's will was read, a
widow learned he had left the greater part
of his fortune to another woman.
she wanted to change the inscription on her
lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed
'Rest in peace' on your orders. I can't
change it now."
well," she said grimly. "Just add, 'Until We
speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant, and her contractions are only
two minutes apart!"
her first child?" the doctor queries.
idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her
cannibals just finished a big meal and one
turns to the other while rubbing his stomach
with his fist and says, "You know, I just
ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't
agree with me!"