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World Affairs



This is Paradise







Jokers in the pack

Darling Ma-hinder

Goodness gracious darling, it seems to me that unless immediate and urgent steps are taken through the proper channels, raw passions might be unchained. Iím referring to the spat between you in the blue corner and the IIGEP chappies in the other corner. I was under the misapprehension that they had thrown in the towel. I mean to say I had watched the fellows slurp on a dish of broth once or twice, and really I did have some sort of idea that the blokes were fond of a wan ton or hot and sour not to mention perhaps a good tomato and basil but I had little inkling of the type of craving the fellows displayed recently.

Rather fond of the bouillon it would seem. But none would have guessed that such a fondness for soup would have managed to get them in the soup. Oft times have I seen them getting outside a good bowl of chicken broth but never in it.

And according to your feisty lot of attack dogs galloping about the corridors of some diplomatic missions and no doubt coursing like mad mustangs through the arteries of the Foreign Ministry, the IIGEP chaps are well and truly in the soup. And why? There seems to be an ulterior motive in their statements. Wait a minute what did they sayÖ oh yes no political will to know the truth. But dearie canít these chaps understand the politics of Paradise?

Begorra and Begob míladdie you never got to where you are by telling the truth or wanting to find out the truth. There were some of us who did and where did that get us, eh? No where. Well of course later on in this journey we may be walking on pavements of gold and what not and there you will be surrounded by fire and brimstone not to mention hot coals and molten lava but thatís another story.

So there you were cocking a snook at their naivete but then they called their task unpleasant and uncomfortable. Really mídear, did you give them nice chairs to sit on? Did you go scrounging around in First Cross Street for office rejects? And I bet you didnít supply them with boiled water. No wonder the chaps were always feeling queasy in the stomach region.

And all along I thought it was the milk of human kindness sloshing about inside them and what do you know itís nothing but some germ infested tap water from Pettah. Is this the way to treat your foreign guests dearie? I mean to say I do know that your helpmeet and pandangkaraya from the red corner, Wee Wee, has been telling you to wag a disapproving finger at dem furriners but hey, you invited them in.

Judging from their experience however it is the last time Iíll entertain an invitation from you darling. Imagine receiving an invite on scented paper for a kurakkan roti and pol sambal of an evening at the Temple abode and coming back home to a queasy stomach because you didnít have the presence of mind to boil the bally water.

Luckily of course Thellie not being a three wheel driver, the prospect of being invited to the Temple abode is as remote as you being invited to tea at Sandringham House. Thank God for small mercies.

Anyway I quite agree with you that the IIGEP had an ulterior motive. Donít tell a soul but I was told that the chaps had acquired quite a taste for the pol and gal. Of an evening there they would be, in the mudukkus of Borella swigging a tea glass of the best and roughest and really mídear they couldnít give it all up. I mean to say if someone came up to you all of a sudden like and said, Ďtake that bally saatakaya off,í would you do it? I think not mídear, I think not.

All said and done though dearie I think the best youíve done so far is with some of those odd chaps of little or no consequence that youíve sent out to the missions abroad. I mean to say some donít even have a maple leaf to cover their grievances. So well are they doing that the maple leaf government instead of covering them with maple syrup or something happened to refer to a cyanide new year rather than to a kavun, kokis and thalathel new year.

Oops! And all because of the good work of the lot youíve sent there, especially that upstart with no education and no prospects except of course dearie under you. Mediocrity is your bible darling and if there is such a thing as being less able than you then the bally consul general in the maple leaf country is blessed with that spot.

The problem with some of your mutts in the foreign houses darling is that they are busy scribbling all kinds of fanciful little tit bits and dreaming up grandiose pasts for themselves and sending it to your spurious websites only to be taken up by your spurious state rag that they are not doing their bally job. But then, as if you are doing yours, what!

Thing is this dearie, me thinks some of them mutts may be attack dogs but at least they have an education. The others dearie like that bally maple leaf chap who is posing off as a general in the bally consul is an attack dog alright but an attack dog with a cockney accent and no background or education. And perchance you are wondering how that chap gets anywhere. Like any dog, he obviously sniffs the posteriors of the top dogs in the pack.

Toodle oo for now.

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