|
Save
our children |
|
A
children's play area which
provides
temporary respite |
|
|
By
Ranee Mohamed
For
parents of children afflicted
with cancer, the doctor who treats their
off-spring becomes a posses-sion as prized
as their children themselves.
But
the 'walking out' of Dr. Damayanthi Pieris
has created sadness, anxiety and fear in the
hearts and minds of hundreds of poor
patients who, despite all the love, are
unable to afford private treatment.
Today,
the mothers, fathers and children at the
paediatric ward of the Cancer Hospital,
commonly called the Children's Ward of the
Cancer Hospital, shed additional tears - and
those tears are for a doctor who
walked away because 'she could not
bear the administration and the petty
infighting,' but says that her heart will
always remain with the ailing children.
But
more alarming is the fact that several
children have reportedly died after May 21
which was the date the doctor is believed to
have stopped coming to work.
Investigations
reveal that among those children who died
are Vimukthi, Fathima Saara, Sadushika,
Prabath, Zimara, Nadil, Siyani, Vinojani,
Asfa Sithy all under twelve years of age,
and another who is seven months of age.
"When
her child died the mother began to scream.
We have never heard such agonising screams.
It seemed like she was in an unbearable
physical pain. But we know that there was
nothing wrong with her physically. It was
just that her child had gone," said a
mother at the Children's Ward of the Cancer
Hospital where countless mothers and fathers
live in anxiety today.
"We
are so frightened that our children will be
snatched away from us and that is why we
want Dr. Damayanthi back again," they
said.
They
were a mere scared handful of parents who
spoke to The Sunday Leader about the
professional void that had been created
after Dr. Damayanthi Pieris who had been
working at the Cancer Hospital in Maharagama
since 1991 suddenly 'gave in her papers.'
*S.
Somasinghe speaking to The Sunday Leader
said that this was his second visit to the
Cancer Hospital. "We were here earlier
with our child who is very ill with
cancer.My child was warded here about five
months ago. I see a clear difference now.
The attendance is irregular. Doctors don't
even examine each child the way Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris did. They take a look at a
child and then walk away. Some of them are
talking and joking while mothers who are so
anxious about their children simply
watch," said Somasinghe.
He
went on to allege that after Dr. Damayanthi
Pieris left in end May five children have
died. Then upto June 26 there were no
tragedies.
"But
from June 26 to now five more children have
allegedly died. This is not a personal
complaint. We don't know these doctors. We
don't know who they are and have no
friendships with them. We respect them and
want them because we fear that our children,
our most cherished possessions are on the
verge of going away from us. Today there
seems to be no medication for them. Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris came to work everyday. She
examined each patient and spoke to every
mother. Damayanthi Madam used to take a bone
marrow test and then treat the patient. Now
some of the doctors seem unsure about the
bone marrow test. Presently we get a lady
doctor who comes every other day, examines
two or three children and then goes
away," lamented this father in agony.
Nurses
commended
Somasinghe
went on to commend the nurses who he said
were working very hard during day and night.
A
mother from Kiribathgoda, *S. Deepika said
that every child and mother in the hospital
missed Dr. Damayanthi Pieris who they said
served the children's ward with dedication
for decades. "Believe me, the doctors
today take a stroll in the ward. They talk
about private mattersand laugh. Earlier when
Dr. Damayanthi Pieris walked into the ward
the whole place was filled with silence - a
sign of the great respect that everyone had
for her. We were sure that our children will
be well treated, looked after and that we
could always go to her with our problems.
Those children who were kept on the floor or
on concrete slabs were put on a bed in the
front of the ward and examined by Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris. Now, let alone those
children on the floor, even the children in
beds are not properly examined, the parents
are not advised or assured.Now we are alone.
We need her to save our children,"
cried this mother in fear.
There
is no greater fear in life than the fear
that we will lose our children and that is
the fear with which the parents of the
Cancer Hospital's children's ward have to
live with today.
They
have held several picketing campaigns in a
bid to get this doctor back. "But those
pickets have been successfully blocked from
the media by the management of the
hospital," said an administrative
source.
A
father from another far off place, *S.
Sarathbandara said: "Things were 100%
okay when Dr. Damayanthi was in the
children's ward. Though the mothers were in
fear and were grieving they had some
confidence that the doctors were there
anytime they wanted. It is not for me to say
anything about the other doctors. Who are we
to complain about other doctors? But my only
plea to your newspaper is to somehow help us
to get Dr. Damayanthi Pieris back because
our children need her," said
Sarathbandara.
Heart
rending
Another
mother, *D. Kamini said that her child who
was suffering from leukaemia had improved
before their very eyes. "Eighty per
cent of the children suffering from
leukaemia were saved by Dr. Damayanthi
Pieris's dedication and able handling. A
child seldom died except if he or she was
very critical. It is heartbreaking to see
the way children are dying here now.
"One
day in June when I was having breakfast
there were unbearable cries from the ward, a
child had died and the mother was
unapproachable in this most agonising moment
in her life. I began to cry too. Then in the
evening, around 5 pm another child died. I
have been at this ward before - during the
time of Dr. Damayanthi Pieris too, but have
never experienced such hard times. Now there
are only three doctors. The others seem to
be new. Some doctors have to refer to files
which date back to several days before
actually prescribing medication.
"We
are so frightened. Sometimes when we ask a
question we are told to check with someone
else. Dr. Damayanthi Pieris worked with new
technology, she moved on with new
medications.
Also, we did not experience any
shortage of drugs. But today there are no
donations. We have been told that doctors
who treat cancers in adults are able to
treat cancers in children. But we know that
is not correct. The doctor who comes here
today is not the doctor who examines our
children tomorrow. When Dr. Damayanthi
Pieris was here we could meet her somewhere
in the hospital and ask about the problems
we feared most. Now there is no one to ask,
no one to treat our children or console and
assure us," said *Kamini.
Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris may go into private
practice and join the other experienced and
dedicated doctors and consultants in private
medical practice in our country. But her
sadness lies in the fact that she will never
meet any child that she loved, cared and
comforted at the children's ward for poor
patients at the National Cancer Institute in
Maharagama.
Children
are children everywhere, but for the poor,
the nourishment and gifts seem scarce -
only the pain and tears
come in an abundance. And there
always seems to be some force that threatens
to rip away the little consolation that they
have.
*Names
changed to protect the identity of
individuals
|
"I
was unhappy due to the petty
infighting"
Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris when contacted by
The Sunday Leader said that she is not
at an age at which she ought to
retire. "I am in my forties, but
I could not tolerate the hostility
around me," she said in
disappointment and went on to say that
she
has been in the Cancer Hospital
since 1991 and has been working with
children afflicted with cancer at the
Cancer Hospital's Paediatric Ward
exclusively since the end of 2003.
"Of
recent times however life became
unbearable for me at the Cancer
Hospital due to petty infighting.
However, I tried my best to continue
for the sake of the children, but of
late it became intolerable for me and
I was forced to leave. I was
heartbroken because my thoughts were
with the children. But the management
believes that 'anyone could do the
job.' But treating children with
cancers is a specialised job, those
who treat adults may not be as
successful in treating children,"
pointed out Dr. Pieris.
She
went on to say that "I was
alleged to have done 'misdeeds.'"
There were attempts to turn the staff
and even parents against me and I was
accused of writing newspaper articles
even though I am not a journalist,
said Dr. Pieris who said that she has
not undergone any courses in
journalism nor have any 'friends' in
the newspapers.
"I
handled a very heavy workload. I had
to look after over 80 children. There
were children on beds and on concrete
slabs and on the floor too. But no one
took any notice. It is not that I
wanted to be taken notice of, but at
least when I went up to the director
and told him about the problems we
encounter, it seemed like I was not
talking to him. All the problems used
to go past him and he would just sit
there and look at me," said Dr.
Pieris and went on to comment that she
wondered whether he understood what
she was saying.
The
agonies and anxieties
"I
am a mother of two children and I
understood the agony and the anxieties
of these mothers. Losing a child is
not easy on any mother and though
there is no follow up in Sri Lanka, in
other countries such mothers are
helped to deal with such a deep
personal loss. Mothers who lose their
children have shown an increased
tendency towards suicide and
separation and mental trauma,"
said Dr. Peiris and went on to say
that she had seen the way mothers cry
and almost tend to lose their mental
balance when their children die, so
much so that they have to be sedated .
"It is a lifelong trauma that
they have to live with," said Dr.
Pieris sadly.
"Mothers
at the Cancer Hospital's Children's
Ward undergo much suffering. They do
not have a place to sleep, a place to
rest.
There was a new ward in which a
concrete slab was constructed for the
mothers. But due to overcrowding those
slabs were also filled with children.
If there are 20 beds, there are 40
living in these wards and they have to
share one or two toilets," said
Dr. Pieris.
"These
mothers stay in hospital for two or
three months and have no way of giving
the children what they want to eat,
they have no place to cook, and
undergo immense hardship and sadness
because at most times they have left
their other offspring at home,"
pointed out Dr. Pieris.
"Many
of these children are pre-school
children but there are no facilities
as a pre-school education or even a
simple educational centre for these
children to be otherwise
occupied," observed Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris.
"Many
of these mothers are very young women.
Some of them are pregnant and yet the
love they have for their ailing child
makes them stand beside the child and
attend to their every need. This is
the story of every mother who stands
beside her ailing child at the
Children's Ward. There have been
instances
where pregnant mothers have
undergone spontaneous abortions due to
the pressure, stress and hardship. Yet
we have had no bed to place such an
anguished woman.." said a
dejected Dr. Pieris.
No
happiness
"There
is no happiness whatsoever in the
lives of these mothers at the Cancer
Hospital's Children's Ward because
their
children are crying, they are
irritable," said Dr. Damayanthi
Pieris who understand the problems
associated with paediatric cancers,
trauma of the mothers and the hardship
of living in limited surroundings.
These
are a group of parents that society
seems to have forgotten. They are the
parents of children suffering from
cancer. We feel sorry for them, but
there is more to their life than
sadness and difficult. They live in
deprivation. They are unable to take
their children to a birthday party,
fun trip or for a simple walk to the
town.
"Children
with cancers require a different kind
of handling. Their cases and suffering
calls for kindness, patience, and a
special knowledge. But here at the
Maharagama Cancer Hospital the
administration is convinced that all
consultants are experienced to handle
children, but it is not so," said
Dr. Pieris.
"I
did not walk out due to the workload .
Of late it was not only the pressure
of work but the unhappiness and the
false accusations. There was a certain
test that was done in India and I had
directed some patients to take that
test
from a certain place in India
because it was not available at
Maharagama."
Samples
were sent to India
"Because
of this test it becomes easier to
treat certain conditions.
Samples were collected and sent to a
place from where the samples were sent
to
India. I was accused of having
financial dealings because of this.
"What
I did not want to talk about is that
every month I put aside some money -
not much though - about Rs.3,000 or
Rs.4,000 for poor children who could
not afford certain necessary
medication," said Dr. Pieris.
She
went on to say that the Cancer
Hospital is not the place to house
children afflicted with cancer.
"They ought to be treated at the
Lady Ridgeway Hospital where they have
all the specialised equipment, the
specialists and the special
clinics," observed Dr. Pieris.
Dr.
Damayanthi Pieris who has treated
hundreds of children afflicted with
bone cancers, lymphomas, leukemia and
other childhood malignancies is now
contemplating private practice.
"Yet it will be sad not to meet
the poor mothers who depended on me
for help, treatment and
consolation," she said sadly.
Is
it
"Although
I have only received verbal assurances
during my time at the Cancer Hospital,
the stopping of my salary and
disconnecting of my telephone have
taken place without delay. The only
matter that is pending is the arrears
payable on my phone bills by the
authorities," said Pieris.
Is
it bungling that has deprived the
children's ward of the Cancer Hospital
to lose a doctor who planned to serve
there for another ten years and more?
"Do
not target the Cancer Hospital" -
Director
Director
of the Cancer Hospital, Dr. Kanishka
Karunaratne, when contacted by The
Sunday Leader said that there are over
150 dedicated consultants working at
the Cancer Hospital and that its
workings are smooth.
"We
have no shortage of drugs, we have no
increase in deaths and there is
nothing going wrong here," he
said and went on to make a request:
"Do not target the Cancer
Hospital repeatedly."
When
asked about Dr. Damayanthi Pieris and
the Children's Ward, Dr. Karunaratne
said that Dr. Pieris has submitted her
papers and that the vacancy has been
advertised by the Ministry.
"Hundreds
of people retire, why don't you go
after them," he advised and went
on to say that he had a meeting to
attend. |
Killing
cobras has upset the natural balance
|
Snake
charmers have been
accused of cruelty to animals
|
By
Risidra Mendis
Have
you ever watched a
cobra dance? Perhaps when you were young
your parents may have got down a snake
charmer or a gypsy to your home for a cobra
dance. A cobra dancing to the tune of the
charmer's horn (nalawa) or performing some
unusual tricks is a sight that will linger
in your mind for a long time.
But
today watching the performance of a dancing
cobra has taken a totally different
dimension as far as snake charmers and
gypsies are concerned as they earn their
living at the expense of the reptile.
The
cruelty imposed on cobras by snake charmers
is a serious issue that needs to be
addressed. Cobras are caught and subjected
to great harm by snake charmers who forcibly
remove their teeth and then force them to
perform in order for them to earn a living.
Maltreatment
Naturalist
Dilan Peiris who is a professional snake
handler and who
also is protective of snakes relating
his experiences to The Sunday Leader said it
was high time the relevant authorities took
action against the cruelty cobras are
subjected to.
"When
these snake charmers or gypsies catch the
cobras the first thing they do is remove the
reptiles' teeth. They use a knife and cut
off not only the teeth but also the gums of
the reptiles. They don't care if the reptile
is in pain. Their only interest is
protecting themselves from the reptiles and
using them to entertain people. The wounds
on these innocent reptiles eventually get
festered and the cobras find it difficult to
eat anything. After some time due to the
lack of food the reptiles get weak and stop
performing," Peiris said.
He
added that once the cobra stops performing
the snake charmer releases the reptile into
a nearby jungle or forest area. "The
sick cobra cannot survive and dies a slow
and painful death. At this stage of its life
the cobra cannot be treated and saved,"
Peiris explained.
'Snake
catchers'
Snake
charmers and gypsies also
undertake to catch snakes for a fee.
"People who are scared of snakes enlist
the help of snake charmers or gypsies to get
rid of snakes from their houses and gardens.
The snake charmers and gypsies charge around
Rs.5000 to catch a snake and take it away.
These reptiles are not released into the
jungles or forests but held in captivity by
snake charmers and gypsies who use them to
earn a living," Peiris added.
According
to him a cobra, like every other animal, has
the right to live freely in the wilds and
should not be caught and kept in tiny boxes
and used for the purpose of entertaining
humans.
The
reduction of the snake population has also
had its negative effects on the environment.
There has been a notable growth in mice
breeding which has resulted in the emergence
and spread of rat fever in many village
areas. Had there been snakes roaming freely
there would have been less mice, Peiris
said.
Endangered
"People
don't understand the value of a snake. When
they see a snake their instant reaction is
to kill it. The repercussions of killing
snakes can be seen now with rat fever
spreading in Dambulla, Polonnaruwa and
Anuradhapura," Peiris said.
Environmentalists
have also voiced their concern over wildlife
officials in Yala and Elahera areas who have
openly said that snakes should be killed and
not protected. An incident was reported from
the Yala National Park about a year ago
where a wildlife officer on duty at the park
hit a cobra on the head with a broomstick
and killed it. "The wildlife officer
had no right to kill that cobra as the
reptile was within the Yala National Park.
But no action was taken against that
wildlife officer. The Department of Wildlife
and Conservation (DWC) probably doesn't even
know that such an incident took place,"
the environmentalist explained.
Cruelty
to innocent animals has always been an issue
with little or no action being taken against
the culprits. But while animal rights
activists argue about the cruelty imposed on
innocent animals the laws regarding these
issues are yet to be enforced.
Legislation
The
Sunday Leader learns that Environment
Minister Champika Ranawaka has instructed
the DWC to speed up the process of updating
the Fauna and Flora Protection Ordinance (FFPO)
with the intention of protecting animals. A
senior wildlife official told The Sunday
Leader that the FFPO did not include the
protection of cobras and that it was the
responsibility of the police to take action
against cruelty to cobras by snake charmers.
The FFPO is solely for the purpose of
protecting animals and preventing poaching,
the wildlife official said.
A
Mission that offers solace and support to
seafarers
|
Chaplain
on board conducting a
service in Felixtown UK,
before
coming to Sri Lanka
|
By
Shezna Shums
National
Sea Sunday Service
conducted by The Mission to Seafarers
is to be held today
(July
13) at the Cathedral of Christ The Living
Saviour, Colombo 7.
The
officient will be the
Arch Deacon of Colombo, Ven.
Chrisantha Mendis assisted by Colombo Port
Chaplain, Captain Andrew Payne, CA,
and Vicar, St. Peter's, Fort, Rev. S.
Isaac Balakumar; along with Vicar, Christ
Church Dehiwela, Rev. Perry Brohier.
Music
will be conducted by the Cathedral Choir,
accompanied by organist B. Weeratunge along
with the Sri Lanka Navy Band.
The
Mission to Seafarers has been in Sri Lanka
for about 60 years and offers respite to
seafarers when they come to the port.
The
Mission at St. Peter's, No.26 Church Street,
Fort which is located just behind the Grand
Oriental Hotel has recently been renovated
and now offers many facilities to seafarers.
Communicate
with families
Internet
facilities enabling the seafarers to
communicate and see their families is
available at very nominal rates. Recreation,
sports and counseling services are also
available for seafarers who at times have
very lonely lives when out at sea.
Souvenirs
are also available for the seafarers. On the
whole this has proved to be a very
successful venture.
The
Mission to Seafarers becomes even more
important because with containerisation a ship may only be at a port for about 12
hours and leaves very little time for
seafarers to do anything. The Mission
therefore offers facilities such as
communication facilities,
transportation as well as counseling
to seafarers.
Counselling
is very important because when a seafarer is
at sea, he is at the mercy of nature's
elements over which he has no control.
Communication
with families is very crucial especially
when there is a tragedy in their home
country - the recent natural disaster in
Myanmar saw many seafarers desperately
trying to contact their families.
Welfare
needs of seafarers
The
Mission also helps seafarers and their
families in case they are searching for a
loved one who has died in a far away country
or simply wants to get in touch with
someone.
In
such a case the Mission will do all it can
to help the seafarers contact their
families.
The
Mission to Seafarers also has a National
Seafarers' Welfare Board which looks into
the welfare needs to seafarers.
Colombo
Port Chaplain Captain Andrew Payne CA,
told The Sunday Leader that the
Mission also hoped to establish welfare
schemes for Sri Lankan seafarers and for
their families.
The
Mission to Seafarers has its own vehicle and
two ship visitors go aboard every ship that
comes into the port and informs them of the
Mission.
Recreation
With
the security problems in the country, many
captains do no provide shore passes to the
seafarers to go into the city. However as a
means to getting some recreation the
seafarers are able to do so at the Mission
to Seafarers.
The
Mission to Seafarers also assists crew
members when they have problems with regard
to their work, pay or legal, medical, and
emotional problems.
The
Chaplain says that emotional and spiritual
welfare is always available.
The
Mission to Seafarers is a part of the
Anglican Church and initially a special
service used to be held on every second
Sunday of July for seamen and airmen, but
now the services at the Mission to Seafarers
is mainly for seamen, irrespective of
religion.
The
Mission to Seafarers is a charity
organisation and relies mainly on the help
it receives from London as well as the small
profits it earns from its souvenir sales.
Of
the seafarers who visit the Mission many are
from the Philippines, Eastern European
countries and China, though visits by
nationals of other countries is not uncommon.
Sea
Sunday Service is held to celebrate the
lives of seafarers and to honour them and
also pray for theseafarers who are no more.
General
Manager, Clarence Welikala highlighted that
seafarers are at sea for nine to 12 months
and lead a very lonely life, and the Sea
Sunday Service is held to honour the
sacrifices they make by leaving their
families.
The
Chairman of the Mission to Seafarers is Wg.
Cmdr. Noel Fernando who has held that
position for the last 20 years.
|
The
Mission to Seafarers
Patron
- Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
President
- Her Royal Highness The Princess
Royal
Sri
Lanka Patron - His Excellency The
President
President
- The Rt.Revd. Bishop of Colombo
Chairman
- Wg. Cmdr. Noel Fernando
Vice
Chairman - Capt.Ravi Jayawickrama
Chaplain
- Captain Andrew D. Payne CA
General
Manager - Clarence Welikala
Hony.
Secretary - Sam Lazarus
Accounts
Manager - Ravin Gunasekara |
Designs
inspired by nature
By
Shezna Shums
The
students of Ladies
College are to showcase a collection of
their very own creations on fabric and
designer wear on July 26 (Saturday) at the
school premises.
The
students have drawn inspiration for the
designs and the clothes that would be on
display from their surroundings and their
own observation of nature.
Art
teacher, Ladies College, Shyamala Pinto
Jayawardena spoke to The Sunday Leader about
this event organised by the school - a first
by a school in Sri Lanka.
Inspiration
Inspired
by nature, the students of Ladies College
have come up with their own designs and have
transformed these ideas onto fabric.
The
students have learned to match colours, hues
and shades by observing how nature brings
beauty to leaves, plants and animals and
make them blend
to works of art.
"The
children don't use plain fabrics only. They
are taught to make blocks and create an
outfit," said Jayawardena.
Open
avenues
With
such guidance on how to make the best use of
what nature offers, those at the helm of
this exercise hope that there will be
avenues to pursue this type of creativity at
academic level so as to reach a high degree
of professionalism.
The
project started in April and the students
involved in this exercise are from Grades 12
and 13 who have completed their exams or
would do so this year.
Started
as a means of keeping such students
gainfully occupied, this exercise has now
turned out to be a success.
Pass
on knowledge
'Impressions
Of Beauty' as this exhibition is titled
enables students to not only learn artistic
skills but also help them to design and make
their own clothes and thereafter pass on
their knowledge and experience to other
students.
By
looking at nature the students are taught
aesthetics in its purest form. Ladies
College which has come up with many 'firsts'
says that this is the first time a school is
teaching fashion and designing, which is a
part of the local and London Ordinary Level
and Advanced Level Art exams.
Once
students are taught the fundamentals of
designing and creating, there is no stopping
them from creating furniture, clothes or
even jewellery as they would have mastered
sufficient knowledge in designing and
blending shapes and colours.
Art
Teacher Shyamala Pinto Jayawardena is at the
helm of this project and going by the level
of success it has enjoyed so far hopes to
make it a regular feature.
 The
children of yesterday and today
A
group of my friends and I went out
to lunch to a well patronised restaurant
recently.
We reserved a room to ourselves so we
could have privacy and let our hair down.
But there was this very young couple
sprawled across a sofa just next to us.
So
there were we, all convent educated girls,
trying very hard to ignore what was going on
right next to us. I was surprised that even
the most forthright of us were silent. At
one point, the girl started hitting the boy
quite hard, and we carried on our
conversation amidst all the thumping and
slapping sounds. They didn't even seem to
care that we were there, but carried on
regardless. This type of decadence is
tolerated today.
What
a contrast when we were young! To begin
with, the nuns were so strict that it was
quite ridiculous at times. At one stage,
they said that even if our brothers spoke to
us on the road we should not engage in any
kind of conversation with them!
Organise
games
Then,
at our school debates and socials when the
boys schools came over, we were asked to
organise games that would involve no
physical contact at all. So we had to think
up all the more boring ones!
At
the school carnival, the nuns would be
walking around flashing torches in all the
dark corners to discourage any bright ideas
some of us might have had. We wouldn't dream
of calling a boy unless they called us. In
the same manner, we would never even think
of asking a boy to dance at a party.
Everything is reversed these days.
In
spite of all this, I think we managed quite
well. Lots of my friends would say they were
coming over to my house, but would actually
go down to the beach and meet up with their
current boyfriends.
Actually,
most of them married the people they were
meeting! One of my friends met her present
husband once, at a secret rendezvous, inside
a broom cupboard(!) under a staircase,
whilst the rest of us kept watch outside.
Up
the tree
The
girl with the strictest parents used to have
her boyfriend (now her husband) climb up a
tree and hop into her bedroom at night! My
sisters and I used to sneak out at night
after our parents were asleep.
We
lined up our pillows under the sheets to
look as if we were lying asleep, and were
lucky to have the use of my elder sister's
wigs that she used for her plays to make a
more realistic picture.
We
had no mobile phones, so cars would softly
toot or headlights would be flashed to tell
us that our rides were there. One of my
friends who is the wife of a prominent
personality here, said that from the age of
16, she could drive. When their parents were
asleep, she and her three sisters would push
the car out into the lane and they would
drive all around Colombo, have a midnight
coffee and then sneak back pushing the car
in quietly.
Her
mother was informed of this activity of
theirs only recently! The point is, it was
relatively safe in those days. Even the boys
we moved around with behaved in a most
gentlemanly fashion.
Quite
a conservative lot
So,
you see, we are quite a conservative lot.
That is exactly why when a more daring lady
wanted to meet up with one of her old
boyfriends, we told her very firmly that we
were jolly well going to supervise her
closely.
So,
we absolutely refused to leave them alone,
and even though hints and glances were cast
our way, we ignored them and continued to
stay put. As for me, I had just dismissed
him totally as a loser, since he appeared in
one shoe and one slipper. I mean, for
heaven's sake, couldn't he wear a pair of
slippers if he had a shoe cut? And this
knowing full well he was meeting his old
flame after several years too!
Matters
didn't improve with the unexpected entrance
of the Chief Occupant and the kids. Staring
at the stranger in his sitting room, he gave
all of us a very strange smile and went
upstairs. Everybody hissed advice to the
Lady of the House about an explanation. Then
we all escorted our friend back home to make
sure she didn't go anywhere else but home!
What a nice bunch we are!
-
Honky Tonk Woman
HUMOUR
What
you hear
Three
retirees, each with a hearing problem, were
playing
golf one fine March day. One remarked to the
other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied,
"it's Thursday."
And
the third man chimed in, "So am I.
Let's have a beer."
Self
before cell
Flying
back to Baton Rouge from Atlanta, a guy
tells of
this experience at the Atlanta
airport gate: "After security went
through my bags and checked me with the
wand, I was asked to take off my shoes and
belt and place them on the table.
"Then
the security guard said, 'OK, now put
yourself on the table.'
"I
said 'What?' and he repeated it. I asked
him, 'Well, do you want me to sit on it, lie
on it or stand on it?"
"At
this point he looked very confused and said,
'Sir, just put yourself on the damn
table.'"
"So
with no shoes, no bag, no belt, I sat on the
table.
"When
I did this the guard looked at me really
funny and asked what the hell did I think I
was doing."
"I
said, 'You told me to put myself on the damn
table!'"
"Then
he laughed and pointed to my cell phone.
What he was actually saying in that Atlanta
drawl was 'Put your cell phone on the
table!'"
Flower
power
One
husband thought of finding a permanent way
of trying
to remember his wife's birthday and, also,
their anniversary. He opened an account with
a florist, provided that florist with the
dates and instructions to send flowers to
his wife on these dates along with an
appropriate note signed, "Your loving
husband." The wife was thrilled by this
new display of attention and all went well
until one day, some bouquets later, when he
came home, kissed her and asked offhandedly,
"Nice flowers, where'd you get
them?"
Cash
please
A
man was caught for speeding and went before
the
judge. The judge said, "What
will you take....30 days or $30?" The
man replied, "I think I'll take the
money."
Last
request
Two
men, sentenced to die in the electric chair
on the
same day were led down to the room in which
they would meet their maker. The priest had
given the last rites, the formal speech had
been given by the warden, and a final prayer
had been said among the participants. The
warden, turning to the first man, solemnly
asked, "Son, do you have a last
request?" To which the man replied,
"Yes sir, I do. I love dance music.
Could you please play the Macarena for me
one last time?"
"Certainly,"
replied the warden. He turned to the other
man and asked, "Well, what about you,
son? What is your final request?"
"Please,"
said the condemned man, "kill me
first."
The
plan
A
man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it
any longer. In
the confessional he admitted that for years
he had been stealing building supplies from
the lumberyard where he worked.
"What
did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough
to build my own house and enough for my
son's house. And houses for our two
daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This
is very serious," the priest said.
"I shall have to think of a
far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a
retreat?"
"No,
Father, I haven't," the man replied.
"But if you can get the plans, I can
get the lumber."
Going
to a lecture
The
man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely
left his car parked
and walked home. As he was walking
unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman.
"What
are you doing out here at 2 am?" said
the officer.
"I'm
going to a lecture," the man said.
"And
who is going to give a lecture at this
hour?" the cop asked.
"My
wife," said the man.
The
miniature pianist
A
guy walks into a restaurant and notices a
miniature man
playing a miniature piano. Fascinated, he
asks the restaurant's manager, "How did
you find this tiny guy to play the
piano?"
The manager replies, "I found a
lamp with a genie in it, and he granted me
one wish." "And so you wished for
a 10-inch pianist?" the guy asks.
"Well, not exactly."
Brilliant
brother
Billy
Bob's pregnant sister was in a terrible car
accident and
went into a deep coma. After being in the
coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and
sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her
baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you
had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are
fine and your brother came in and named
them."
The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh no,
not my brother... he's an idiot!' Expecting
the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well,
what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor. The new
mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful
name! I guess I was wrong about my brother.
I like Denise." Then she asks,
"What's the boy's name?" "Denephew."
Passing
the exam
Three
patients in a mental institution prepare for
an examination
given by the head psychiatrist. If the
patients pass the exam, they will be free to
leave the hospital. However, if they fail,
the institution will detain them for five
years.
The
doctor takes the three patients to the top
of a diving board looking over an empty
swimming pool, and asks the first patient to
jump.
The
first patient jumps head first into the pool
and breaks both arms.
Then
the second patient jumps and breaks both
legs.
The
third patient looks over the side and
refuses to jump. "Congratulations!
You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't
you jump?" asked the doctor. To which
the third patient answered, "Well Doc,
I can't swim!"
All
about securing
One
reason the services have trouble operating
jointly is that
they don't speak the same language. For
example, if you told navy personnel to
"secure a building," they would
turn off the lights and lock the doors.
The
army personnel would occupy the building so
no one could enter. The marines would
assault the building, capture it, and defend
it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The air force, on the other hand, would take
out a three-year lease with an option to
buy.
|
