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Are elephants happy at peraheras ? |
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Elephants in musth should not
be used in perahera |
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By Risidra Mendis
Can you imagine a perahera without an
elephant? This is a thought that constantly
crosses our minds especially with the fast
dwindling elephant population in the
country. The main attraction at the annual
Kandy Esela Perahera is the majestic tusker,
draped in a colourful costume decorated with
beads and sequins, carrying the tooth relic.
Illuminated with colourful bulbs and
decorations the tooth relic (karanduwa) is
carefully placed on the back of the tusker
owned by the Dalada Maligawa prior to the
commencement of the Esela Perahera. The
excitement at a perahera doesn't die down
even after the tusker carrying the tooth
relic has gone as there is a procession of
elephants that follow. From historical times
Sri Lanka has used elephants in all
peraheras thereby indicating the importance
of elephants.
The importance of an elephant is so great,
that even a temple's prestige is measured by
the number of elephants it owns. However
from recent times owning an elephant due to
the prestige factor and using the animal for
hard labour and for peraheras has become the
norm to many tame elephant owners. The
cruelty imposed on these majestic animals is
ignored by elephant owners and their
mahouts.
The highlight
For visitors who travel to
Kandy
to see the Esela Perahera or for those who
stop by the roadside to see a small perahera
organised by the village temple passing by,
the thrill is to watch and admire the
elephants swaying their trunks and walking
in the procession. But behind this colourful
pageant there is another side to the story.
The tuskers and elephants are at times in
musth but are forced by their mahouts to
take part in the perahera, resulting in
cases where elephants run amok and injure or
kill those around.
Speaking to The Sunday Leader naturalist
Kamal Edirisinghe said when an elephant is
in musth it should not be taken in a
perahera.
"During the beginning and towards the end of
the musth period these animals should be
kept away from humans. However elephant
owners don't think about the welfare of the
animal. They are only interested in earning
some money by sending these animals in
peraheras," Kamal said.
Naturalist and former President, Young
Zoologists Association, Shantha Jayaweera
said a shortage of veterinary surgeons in
the country and the lack of interest by
elephant owners to treat their animals well,
have resulted in an increase in cruelty to
these animals.
Prestige purposes
"Most elephant owners want to have an
elephant for prestige and not because they
are genuine animal lovers. The sole
intention of these elephant owners is to
have an elephant and get the maximum use out
of their animals," Jayaweera said.
He added that in the past when elephants
participated in peraheras a generator was
used to supply the power for the colourful
lights draped on the animals' body and for
the tooth relic. "However from recent times
instead of a generator a battery is used to
get the power supply. This battery is fitted
on the elephant. The fact that the elephant
has to carry an additional weight and may
feel uncomfortable is ignored by elephant
owners and organisers of these peraheras,"
Kamal explained.
Recalling past incidents where elephants ran
amok during peraheras Kamal said he
remembered an incident where an elephant had
trampled some pieces of hot charcoal on the
road and had got violent. That animal was
shot because he went out of control.
Irritations
Another incident was reported a long time
ago where an elephant got agitated and
turned violent because the costume he was
wearing had prevented him from urinating. A
recent incident of an elephant getting
violent in a perahera was also reported.
Kamal added that at least two to three
veterinary surgeons should be on duty during
the perahera season to tranquilise elephants
if they get violent.
"Elephant owners claim that the number of
tame elephants is decreasing in the country
and express the need to get more elephants.
These elephant owners are only interested in
getting more elephants so they can use them
for hard labour and earn some extra money
when not used in peraheras.
"The best solution to this problem would be
to train the elephants at the Pinnawela
Elephant orphanage to take part in peraheras.
The orphanage can earn some extra money and
the elephants can be taken back to the
orphanage once the perahera is over," Kamal
said.

Prayers for a little
girl who has disappeared without a trace
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Senthamani - agonising times |
By Ranee Mohamed
As the mother of two and a half year old
Kiruba sits at the entrance to the chapel
wailing and refusing food since Monday, the
neighbourhood too remains awake with heavy
hearts looking to and fro for a sign for
this little girl who hated to be away from
her mother and her brothers even for one
minute.
"She wanted to see me as she woke up, she
would never sleep without me because she was
always frightened," said the mother who says
she is alone without her youngest 'baby.'
As mothers in Badulla hold close their
little children, the otherwise cool Badulla
is burning with fear and the fire that only
a mother will know.
"Kiruba ill ailing, she is weak and she
hates to be left alone," cries Senthamani, a
mother of four who has undergone immense
hardship to bring up her children. The
family had sought refuge in the Pentecostal
Chapel in Badulla after Velu Sivanandan and
his wife Senthamani began to work there. The
family who lived amidst hardship found
shelter in this house of God and along with
this shelter came food and a better life.
Torn asunder
But their peaceful life together as a family
was torn asunder when Senthamani found that
little Kiruba who was playing with her five
year old brother had been taken away by two
men.
"We will never forget the agonising screams
of this mother when she discovered that her
little daughter had been taken away," said
onlookers in a home for children close to
the area.
According to the five year old who had been
in tears, two men clad in sarong had come
towards the playing children and taken away
little Kiruba who had screamed and began to
wail in fear. They have reportedly told the
five year brother that they will bring back
his little sister. But as the Badulla
Police, the people of Badulla and the
parents of little Kiruba continue to search
for this little girl everywhere, the
abductors seem to have left no trace.
Meanwhile their mother recalled the arrival
of two men in sarong who had come to the
chapel. When they had been questioned about
the reason for their arrival at the chapel,
they had said that they had wanted to speak
to the pastor.
Meanwhile two men who had come to the church
to 'paint the chapel' have been taken into
custody on suspicion.
Investigations
"We are continuing with our investigations,"
said Asoka Wijeratne, HQI of the Badulla
Police Station.
Kiruba is the youngest in a family of three
girls and a boy. Having experienced
complications during her pregnancy,
Senthamani said that Kiruba was born
prematurely and had been an underweight
child who had been on medication. She
expressed anguish at the thought of little
Kiruba at the hands of these strange men.
"We have not stopped praying and we will
continue to pray," said Senthamani.
Meanwhile it is learnt that on the night
before the disappearance the family had
heard sounds and footsteps outside the
chapel premises but did not open the doors
to go out and find out.
The pastor of the chapel and the sisters, it
is learnt had not been at the chapel at that
time because they had left to Valachchenai
to attend a religious function. The pastor
on his return had been alarmed at the loss
and sadness of this poor couple.
Meanwhile Police Spokesperson SSP Ranjith
Gunasekera in Colombo said that Police
Headquarters had instructed the Badulla
Police to take urgent action in the
disappearance of little Kiruba. "Two police
teams have been deployed and over 25 people
have been questioned," said SSP Gunasekera
and went on to say that police
investigations will continue till Kiruba is
found.

The many mysteries of the
durian fruit
Durians
sold on the pavements, espe-cially down
Have-lock Road, along with other seasonal
fruits are a common sight.
But unlike other fruits which are relished
by most the durian tends to repel many
people, attracting only a handful of durian
lovers. Anyone who loves the fruit will tell
you that its 'elusive taste' - between an
ambul banana and an avacado - is an
unmistakable delicacy.
The durian is the fruit of trees of the
genus Durio belonging to the Malvaceae, a
large family which includes hibiscus, okra,
cotton, mallows and linden trees. Widely
known and revered in Southeast Asia as the
'King of Fruits' it is distinctive for its
large size, unique odour, and a formidable
thorn-covered husk. Its name comes from the
Malay word duri (thorn) together with Malay
suffix that is -an (for building a noun in
Malay), meaning "thorny fruit."
There are 30 recognised Durio species, all
native to Southeast Asia. At least nine
produce edible fruit.
The fruit can grow up to 30 cm (12 in) long
and 15 cm (6 in) in diameter, and typically
weighs one to three kg (2 to 7 lbs). Its
shape ranges from oblong to round, the
colour of its husk - green to brown and its
flesh pale-yellow to red, depending on the
species. The hard outer husk is covered with
sharp, prickly thorns, while the edible
custard-like flesh within emits the strong,
distinctive odour. The taste of the flesh
has been described as nutty and sweet.
Species
Durian trees are relatively large, growing
up to 25-50metres (80-165 ft) in height,
depending on the species. The leaves are
evergreen, opposite, elliptic to oblong and
10-18cm (4-7 in) long. The flowers are
produced in three to 30 clusters together on
large branches and the trunk, each flower
having a calyx (sepals) and 5 (rarely 4 or
6) petals. Durian trees have one or two
flowering and fruiting periods each year,
although the timing of these vary. A typical
durian tree can bear fruit after four or
five years.
The durian fruit which can hang from any
branch, matures in about three months after
pollination. Durian flowers are large and
feathery with copious nectar, and give off a
heavy, sour and buttery odour. These
features are typical of flowers which are
pollinated by certain species of bats while
they eat nectar and pollen.
According to a research conducted in
Malaysia during the 1970s, durians were
pollinated almost exclusively by cave fruit
bats (Eonycteris spelaea). However, a more
recent research done in 1996 indicated that
two species, D. grandiflorus and D. oblongus,
were pollinated by spider hunters (Nectariniidae)
and that the other species, D. kutejensis,
was pollinated by giant, honey bees and
birds as well as bats.
Availability
The durian is native to Indonesia, Malaysia
and Brunei. There is some debate as to
whether the durian is native to the
Philippines, or has been introduced. Durian
is grown in areas with a similar climate; it
is strictly tropical and stops growing when
mean daily temperatures drop below 22C
(71F).
Flavour and odour
Writing in 1856, British naturalist Alfred
Russel Wallace provides a much-quoted
description of the flavour of the durian.
He cautions that "the smell of the ripe
fruit is certainly at first disagreeable."
Travel and food writer Richard Sterling
says:
"The unusual odour has prompted many people
to search for an accurate description.
Durians from different species or clones can
have significantly different aromas; for
example, red durian (D. dulcis) has a deep
caramel flavour with a turpentine odour,
while red-fleshed durian (D. graveolens)
emits a fragrance of roasted almonds. The
degree of ripeness has a great effect on the
flavour as well. Three scientific analyses
of the composition of durian aroma - from
1972, 1980, and 1995 - each found a
different mix of volatile compounds,
including esters, ketones and many different
organosulfur compounds, with no agreement on
which may be primarily responsible for the
distinctive odour.
This strong odour can be detected half a
mile away by animals, thus luring them. The
fruit is extremely appetising to a variety
of animals - squirrels to deer, pigs,
orangutan, elephants, and even carnivorous
tigers. While some animals eat the fruit and
dispose of the seed under the parent plant,
others swallow the seed with the fruit and
then transport it some distance before
excreting it. The thorny armoured covering
of the fruit may have evolved because it
discourages smaller animals since larger
animals are more likely to transport the
seeds far from the parent tree.
Ripeness and selection
According to Larousse Gastronomique, the
durian fruit is ready to eat when its husk
begins to crack. Some species grow so tall,
they can only be collected once they have
fallen to the ground, whereas most cultivars
of D. zibethinus (such as Mon Thong) are
nearly always cut from the tree and allowed
to ripen while waiting to be sold.
A durian that falls off the tree continues
to ripen for two to four days, which after
five or six days would be overripe and
unpalatable. The usual advice for a durian
consumer choosing a whole fruit is to
examine the quality of the stem or stalk
which loses moisture as it ages: a big,
solid stem is a sign of freshness.
History
The durian has been known and consumed in
Southeastern Asia since prehistoric times,
but has only been known to the Western world
for about 600 years. The earliest known
European reference on the durian is the
record of Nicolo Conti who travelled to
Southeastern Asia in the 15th Century.
Garcia de Orta described durians in Colquios
dos Simples e Drogas da India published in
1563.
In 1741, Herbarium Amboi- nense by the
German botanist Georg Eberhard Rumphius was
published, providing the most detailed and
accurate account of durians for over a
century. The genus Durio has a complex
taxonomy that has seen the subtraction and
addition of many species since it was
created by Rumphius. During the early stages
of its taxonomical study, there was some
confusion between durian and soursop (Annona
muricata) as both of these species had
thorny green fruit. Interestingly the Malay
name for the soursop is durian Belanda,
meaning Dutch durian. In the 18th century,
Weinmann considered the durian to belong to
Castaneae as its fruit was similar to the
horse chestnut.
Culinary
D. zibethinus was introduced into Ceylon by
the Portuguese in the 16th century and was
reintroduced many times later.
The fruit is used to flavour Malay candy,
ice kachang, dodol, rose biscuits, and, with
a touch of modern innovation, ice cream,
milkshakes, mooncakes, yule logs and
cappuccino.
In Thailand, blocks of durian paste are sold
in the markets, though much of the paste is
adulterated with pumpkin. Unripe durians may
be cooked as vegetable, except in the
Philippines, where all uses are sweet rather
than savoury. Malaysians make both sugared
and salted preserves from durian. The durian
seeds, which are the size of chestnuts, can
be eaten whether they are boiled, roasted or
fried in coconut oil, with a texture that is
similar to taro or yam, but stickier.
In Java, the seeds are sliced thin and
cooked with sugar as a confectionery.
Uncooked durian seeds are toxic due to
cyclopropene fatty acids and should not be
ingested. Young leaves and shoots of the
durian are occasionally cooked as greens.
Sometimes the ash of the burned rind is
added to special cakes. The petals of durian
flowers are eaten in the Batak provinces of
Indonesia, while in the Moluccas islands the
husk of the durian fruit is used as fuel to
smoke fish.
Nutritional and medicinal
Durian fruit contains a high amount of
sugar, vitamin C, potassium, and the
serotoninergic amino acid tryptophan, and is
a good source of carbohydrates, proteins,
and fats.
Durian customs
Southeast Asian folk beliefs, as well as
traditional Chinese medicine consider the
fruit to have warming properties liable to
cause excessive sweating. An alternative
method is to eat durian in accompaniment
with mangosteen that is considered to have
cooling properties. People with HBP or
pregnant women are advised not to consume
it.
Another common local belief is that the
durian is harmful when eaten along with
coffee or alcoholic beverages. The latter
belief can be traced back at least to 18th
century when Rumphius declared that one
should not drink alcohol after eating
durians as it will cause indigestion and bad
breath.

Holidays are for
learning too
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A handicraft lesson in progress |
By Shezna Shums
School holidays are still on and most
chil-dren are at home with nothing much to
do during this school break.
Although there is no school it does not mean
that children should forget school work
completely.
Educationists explained that children should
regularly revise their school work to be
familiar with it when they go back to school
after the holidays.
Children should take time during the
holidays to relax and also use this time to
rejuvenate their minds and physical
well-being.
Even small children who maybe attending play
school or a montessori, should also use
school holidays to freshen up their minds.
This is not something that can be done
successfully at home, which is why now many
schools for small children offer holiday
classes.
Special classes
These holiday classes consist of relatively
light activities such as painting, dancing
or English elocution where children can get
away from home for a while and be with their
friends as well as learn something.
These holiday classes according to teachers
help children immensely as it keeps them
occupied during the holidays and improves
their well-being.
Also when there are long school holidays and
small children are at home all the time, it
can be frustrating and boredom can kick in,
so when these classes are organised these
children have something to look forward to
and be joyful.
While at home it is advised that the parents
provide stimulating activities to children -
for instance children can be supervised and
asked to paint. This will keep them occupied
for a few hours and provides plenty of
entertainment for both the kids and parents.
Encourage reading
Other activities that can be done at home
for a few hours a day is to read stories to
children, and once small children become
familiar with story books and the colourful
stories it will encourage them to take to
reading when they are older.
Reading is extremely important for both
young and older people as this habit
improves memory, keeps the mind alive and
can also be entertaining for hours and can
be done at any place and at any time.
Outdoor sports activities are also highly
recommended - a walk along the beach can be
very entertaining to young children who read
many stories about the beach in their
classrooms. They can also play around in the
sand and enjoy the waves.
The sea breeze will also be a refreshing
change for the children as against being
cooped up in their homes during the
holidays.
Hobbies
Not only should parents encourage their
children to take to more hobbies and
vocations during the holidays but their
school work too should be revised to help
the child cope better when he or she returns
to school.
Every few days children who are at home
should take their school books and start
revising. This should be done for only a
short time every few days, assisted by a
parent or an elder.
And to also improve the capabilities of
small children parents should start reading
and giving writing exercises to them.
Older children on the other hand do not
necessarily need to be supervised but it is
advised that they too revise their school
work occasionally during the holidays.
However when it come to students who are
returning to school for examinations such as
the O/Levels then they should studiously
revise their work everyday.
Even though such students maybe preparing
for an exam, extra-curricular activities and
taking to hobbies should be continued.
The older children would do well to take to
reading instead of watching TV or videos as
it would hold them in good stead later on in
life. Painting, craft-work or sewing are
also good activities to indulge in.
Outdoor activities
Holidays are also a good time to encourage
outdoor sports activities such as visiting
the school for swimming classes or going for
a run.
Some schools or even private teachers
conduct music classes specifically designed
for children during the holidays. This is a
good way to spend time during the holidays.
Also there are institutions offering foreign
language classes for children who are free
during their school holidays.
Taking up the challenge of learning a new
language is another good way of keeping the
mind active.
By learning a new language during holidays
children will have plenty of time to revise
and be thorough with what they have learnt.
Handicraft
If the older children are also interested
in classes such as sewing, learning
handicraft making, interior design or any
other subject, holiday time is the best time
to get started on such a venture as it
affords the time to sit back and reflect on
what has been learnt as opposed to school
days when everything is rushed through due
to the scarcity of time.

Ricky Martin becomes
father of twin boys
Latin
pop singer Ricky Martin has become a father,
after enlisting the help of a surrogate
mother who has given birth to twin boys
recently, according to news reports.
The babies were born several weeks ago says
a statement from Martin's representatives.
"The children, delivered via gestational
surrogacy, are healthy and already under
Ricky's full-time care," said the statement.
Martin will take time out from his schedule
to look after the infants, it said.
"Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter
in his life as a parent and will be spending
the remainder of the year out of the public
spotlight in order to spend time with his
children."
A representative said there was no further
information on the details of the children's
birth.
Martin, 36, is a multiplatinum singer who is
best known for English-language hits like
She Bangs, Shake Your Bon Bon and Livin' la
Vida Loca.
In recent years, the Puerto Rican star has
been active in charitable efforts, including
the prevention of sexual exploitation of
children.
Earlier this year, the singer travelled to
Cambodia to bring light to the issue of
human trafficking.
Martin rose to fame as an actor on American
network ABC's General Hospital, but later
turned his talents to singing.


Paradoxical problems
Almost everyday now, I get reminded in some
strange, small way or another that it still
isn't a world safe for women - let's make
that 'for most people' actually. Most people
aren't as safe as they assume they are in
this world.
In a bar, talking with two other women, the
issue of feminism came up. Someone brought
up the fact that there were some people
insisting that words like "history" should
be changed to "herstory" so that it would
not be gender biased.
And then we started talking about how stupid
that would be because: (a) it would not
solve the problem of unfair gender bias
because "herstory" would promote a gender
bias but with the female gender instead and
(b) the reason it is termed 'history' has
nothing to do with gender but rather with
the language it was derived from and it's
mere coincidence that the words 'his' and
'history' have similarities in spelling.
Gender equality
Feminism was supposed to be about raising
women to that of an equal political and
social status with men - where both genders
would be equal and not where one gender
overtook another. What happened to it? What
happened to the brains of the people
involved? Why are they fighting over words
when they should be fighting for the chance
to fix the problems still around? If I am
fighting for the same goal of equality but
am focusing on the problems will I also have
to fight fellow feminists who want to waste
their energy on semantics?
On the street, talking to a friend, the
random mention of a personal issue came up.
"How did you get over it? Because I still
haven't gotten over what happened to me,"
she asked me. "You accept that you didn't
get yourself into the situation and that it
wasn't your fault," I replied.
It is still a world though where other
people keep telling us what we should do and
think so much so that some of us don't even
trust ourselves to do anything and every
tiny thing we do or say or choose becomes
loaded with guilt. And then we spend our
energy worrying about the guilt and
wondering why everything makes us feel so
horrible.
On the phone, discussing the future. "I
can't do this - I won't have enough money
afterwards if I do." It is a world facing
another global recession/depression soon
where there are huge numbers of people who
will be unprepared for it not because they
didn't know it was going to happen (because
they did) but because there is nothing they
can do to prepare for it. When you have
nothing to lose financially, you lose other
things and you have not much hope of gaining
anything financially. For a huge number of
people, the world will not be a financially
safe place very soon.
Generalise
Discussing pets and related problems
elicited an unexpected reaction: "Such and
such a 'race/nationality' do 'this.'"
Unexpected because of the person involved in
the discussion. And I sat there wondering
what the hell to say in response. It was a
generalisation and I have friends of that
particular nationality who I felt obliged to
defend. I get this sort of thing no matter
where I go and though I usually attempt to
say something to put people straight, I
never know if it is the right thing to do or
not.
And most of the time that is because it
feels risky to attempt to set the record
straight and it also makes you feel
extremely vulnerable and threatened to be
around someone who makes blanket statements
or generalisations like that.
You feel you can't trust them to not make a
harmful generalisation about you and then
use it to justify an action towards you. You
feel like someone could walk upto them and
tell them anything potentially harmful and
they just might believe it.
Socially, emotionally, financially,
everywhere I look, people I know are not
safe. Everyday there are things that batter
them. Everyday there are more and more
people that I see slipping through cracks in
the systems set up by governments and
societies to address these very problems.
The thing is all this would be a lot easier
to accept as being part of the current state
of the world that we live in except for one
thing. We are constantly told the opposite.
As children we are told what the world is
like. As we get older we find out that it is
very different and that there are all these
different things to be afraid and wary of.
We are even taught to be wary of one another
because the next person just might take
something you say the wrong way; so don't
say anything all.
And then we are told that the government is
promising to fix that and this. There is
always a lot of talk about how women are
equal now, how kids cannot be harmed, how we
must save the planet and everyone believes
in that, and that no one would go to war
with someone else because of a difference in
skin colour/religion/culture/nationality
because that would be a very stupid thing to
do since we are all much more enlightened
now than we were in the Dark Ages.
If you rolled your eyes reading that last
sentence, the thing is no one really
believed that there was going to be another
war in the Middle East till it actually
happened. Just like no one believed Germany
would invade Poland in 1939 and start World
War II - "Can't happen - they haven't
recovered from World War I yet!"
'Switched off'
The thing is that if everyone shut up for a
minute and actually acknowledged that (a)
quite a lot of people think a lot of scary
things about other people and hold a lot of
scary opinions and that (b) this can often
lead to a lot of problematic situations and
(c) that yes, we have developed or evolved
very far but we still have all these ideas
of how we should live and we also still have
all these problems.
It just seems that most people live now in
some state of "switched off." People need to
acknowledge that there is a huge discrepancy
between what they want the world to be, what
they think it is and what it actually is
like. And then they need to figure out
whether they are going to tell their kids
about the truth of the world no matter how
ugly or emotionally scarring it is or if
they are going to actually try and fix
things so that we move towards that ideal
world that everyone seems to be advertising
all the time.
Because otherwise we are all going to
continue sitting here desperately trying to
figure out why what we are experiencing of
the world isn't matching up with what
everyone taught us and still tells us to
expect. And we need to come to terms with
that discrepancy before dealing with the
actual problem in question.
And I really don't understand how anyone can
live in this world and still believe that we
are living a utopian, dreamlike existence.
Or if they know it is not at all a utopia,
how they justify spreading that dream to
others but not the reality. How even though
they know the world isn't what it should be,
they don't attempt to change that fact at
all.
Maybe they like living in that paradox.
Quite possibly they are on drugs.
- Marisa Wikramanayake


Rising to a dessert challenge
So, I'm after a very nice, iced coffee with
a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream to
help my eyelids remain open. It doesn't seem
to be working very well, I'm yawning at
sporadic intervals. The coffee was imbibed
at a friend's birthday party. Lots of robed
priests attended, and one of them in
civilian clothing played the piano and we
all sang lustily.
In my case I didn't know all the words and
joined in snatches. Then this priest said
very firmly that, that was quite enough and
played "Now is the hour, when we must say
goodbye." Even though the guests protested,
he said he had to conduct a service at 6.30
am the following morning. Valid enough
excuse, don't you think, I mean it wouldn't
look at all good if he was yawning at his
own sermon, though he certainly didn't seem
like the type who would send the
congregation off to the Land of Nod!
I had loads of fascinating conversation
there, such as, 'How We Ladies Never Have
Enough Shoes,' and men absolutely don't
understand that one pair in each colour is
just not enough. Are we to be held
responsible if they choose not to wear pale
pink, purple, lilac, hot pink, fuchsia,
lemon yellow or lime green?
Functional
Their colours are so functional, actually
they could manage with a pair each of black
and brown. Since they don't seem to care
which pair they wear anyway, it would save a
lot of money (they only need to buy a new
pair once the old one wears out), time and
energy (think how much time they could save
if they had only these two to polish) and
most usefully, it would give us women so
much more shoe space.
Rows of unused shoe shelves could be filled
up with our shoes that we definitely would
use. If a lady wore the same pair of shoes
on two consecutive occasions, it would be
spotted in a jiffy. But when it comes to
men, who would look closely at their shoes?
If they are dust free and shiny, they pass
muster. Ah, so!
Anyway, I had a choice of either writing
this or making a pudding in the dead of
night. My friend has asked us to lunch, and
her son wanted me to make "something with
meringue" for dessert. I strongly suspect
he's testing my culinary skills. So I rose
to the challenge and am planning to do an
elaborate confection - layers of meringue,
cream, chocolate, fruit and nuts. Sounds
rather posh, doesn't it? It has a rather
stylish up market name, so sorry my cookery
book is downstairs, and I don't think the
domestics will be pleased if I put on the
lights in their section of the house at 2.30
in the morning.
I normally do very straightforward, simple
desserts, but I can't back off when
challenged, can I? Before I left for dinner,
I separated eggs, muttering under my breath
all the while, whipped the living daylights
out of the whites, made the meringue layers
and put them in the oven. Hopefully they
will be perfect tomorrow, or else I'll
camouflage it with cream and smother it in
chocolate, then everybody will be none the
wiser.
Meringues
Incidentally, meringues were supposed to be
an invention of a Swiss chef, Gasparini,
from the town of Meiringen. But there is
written proof in the cookery books of two
British ladies in the early 18th century
that this confection was prevalent in their
menus too. French chefs too recorded around
this time, the delectable decoration to
their desserts made of egg whites and sugar,
beaten to a stiff froth. It was originally
called snow for obvious reasons. Nowadays
this forms as a base for many desserts.
Anyway, I wonder if this was a wise choice,
since I would have been moving around in the
kitchen, whereas now, I'm sitting at the
computer whilst being devoured by the most
blood thirsty, ferocious mosquitoes.
Unfortunately the repellent spray can that
is kept nearby, to keep away these pesky
insects, is defective. It just will not
spray but is making a sound like a
suppressed sneeze or an asthmatic wheeze,
and the liquid is spilling all over my hand.
So swatting madly but ineffectually, I'm
typing in spurts. Hopefully either my blood
pressure or blood sugar levels will fall
rapidly due to the vast amounts of blood
extracted from my body. It's 3 am and I'm
off to bed. Good Morning!
-
Honky Tonk Woman

HUMOUR
Facts of living
Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day
and told his wife Alma that the doctor said
he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away
her tears, he asked her to make love with
him.
Of course she agreed and they made
passionate love.
Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and
said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left
to live. Maybe we could make love again?"
Alma agrees and again they make love.
Later, Paul is getting into bed when he
realised he now had only eight hours of life
left.
He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey?
Please? Just one more time before I die."
She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled
over and fell asleep.
Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in
his head, and he tossed and turned until he
was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake
her up.
"Honey, I only have four hours left! Could
we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and
said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the
morning! You don't."
Bull trouble
Sign on a farmer's fence: "The farmer allows
walkers to cross the field for free but the
bull charges."
Eye problem
One day a man tried to get a job at a well
known company. He passed every test with
flying colours. At the final interview, the
CEO told him that his constant blinking
would bother customers. "I can fix that with
some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be
better in a second." So he reaches into his
pocket and pulls condom after condom out
until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and
his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanising!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to
ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your
winking?"
Go ahead
A politician looks up from his desk in his
ministry office to see one of his aides
nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the politician. "It's
the Abortion Bill, Sir. What do you want to
do about it?" And the politician says, "Just
go ahead and pay it."
Politician and the puzzle
One morning a local poli-tician calls an
advisor and says, "Please come over and help
me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I
can't figure out how to start it."
His advisor asks, "What is it a puzzle of?"
The politician says, "From the picture on
the box, it's a tiger."
The politician's advisor figures that he's
pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to
his place. The politician's butler lets the
advisor through the door and shows him to
where the politician has the puzzle spread
all over the table. He studies the pieces
for a moment, then studies the box. He then
turns to the troubled politician and says,
"Sir, with due respect Sir, no matter what I
do, I'm not going to be able to show you how
to assemble these to look like the picture
of that tiger. Secondly Sir, I'd advise you
to relax, have a cup of coffee, and then we
can get your butler to put all those
Frosted Cornflakes back in the box."
Love and war
The elderly Italian man went to his parish
priest and asked if the priest would hear
his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World
War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door
and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I
hid her in my attic, and they never found
her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and
nothing that you need to confess," said the
priest.
"It's worse, Father. I was weak, and told
her that she had to pay for rent of the
attic with her sexual favours," continued
the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you
took a big risk - you would have suffered
terribly at their hands if the Germans had
found you hiding her. I know that God, in
his wisdom and mercy will balance the good
and the evil, and judge you kindly," said
the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's
a load off of my mind. Can I ask another
question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest. The
old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that
the war is over?"
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