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The supernatural treatment that bowled over
Lasith Malinga |
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Lasith Malinga and (Inset) Dr. White |
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By Ranee Mohamed
He thought the matches were over. He was
almost forced to get off the field.
But bowling sensation Lasith Malinga tried
to live - to live on as the legend he was.
But the injury on his leg took him off the
cricketing field, shut off the laughter,
cheer and applause.
And he suffered in silence. Meanwhile the
Cricket Board was getting this cricketer
with a fearsome reputation all the treatment
necessary to get him off the chair at home
and back to the cricket field
"I suffered from February 22. It happened in
Australia. Back at home too the pain was
unbearable. The joint in my knee seemed to
be rubbing together radiating pain. I was
unable to walk let alone run. I was unable
to climb the stairs," said Lasith Malinga
recalling a time that almost put an end to
his legendary cricketing career.
"I tried every possible treatment. The
Cricket Board too did their best for me.
From ayurveda to allopathy, I passed through
every system, but not the pain in my knee.
It remained," said Malinga.
Twenty five years is not a time to retire.
Not after being described as a 'distinctive
and explosive' round arm fast bowler.
Certainly not when one is rated as the
fastest bowler in
Sri Lanka.
But his faltering leg was pushing him down
to a premature retirement, not so much
retirement but forcing him to abandon a
game in which he was undoubtedly in the
forefront the world over.
I could not walk
"I was sent to
Australia
and underwent treatment over there. I was
treated by Dr. David Young. Dr. Young gave
me medication along with the saline drip. I
found that the pain lessened. The pain was
not as unbearable as it is used to be, but
it certainly did not go away. I could not
walk, or climb staircases and found it
difficult to get up from a sitting
position," remembered a bright-eyed Malinga,
his memories about his dark times in life,
equally clear in his mind.
"I was asked not to run. And I was not going
to run anyway, because I could not run. I
was given the assurance by several people
that I will get better and that all I needed
was some rest," recalled Lasith Malinga.
Lasith Malinga in keeping with the advise
given to him had rested for three months.
Three months is a long time to be away from
the game he loved so much. But Malinga was
forced to make this sacrifice. And despite
the long rest, his leg was not any better.
Lasith Malinga found that the pain had not
gone away and that he was not half as fast
as he was in terms of mobility.
After many victories, Lasith Malinga was not
getting ready for defeat. "I was getting
ready to bow out of the game, from the field
and from the love of my life - cricket," he
said. Malinga watched helplessly as his leg
was crippling is lifelong career.
The telephone call
And it was just two weeks ago that he
received the telephone call that changed his
life. The telephone call was from none other
than President Mahinda Rajapakse.
"Despite all the work and the numerous
engagements and the commitments that
President Mahinda Rajapakse had he took the
time to give a telephone call and requested
my captain and manager to convey to me that
he - the President- needed to speak to me.
"I could not get over the shock and in
amazement, I telephoned the President,"
remembers Lasith Malinga.
"Inquiring in a very concerned manner as to
what was wrong with my leg, he requested
that I be present at Temple Trees on a given
date. I was surprised and did not know what
awaited me," said Malinga.
When Lasith Malinga hobbled along to Temple
Trees, he was greeted very warmly by the
President.
"Together with the President was a fair,
tall gentleman. He told me that his name was
Dr. Eliyantha White and that he was the
President's personal physician. Then I
remembered the name. I had read several
newspaper articles about him and his powers
and about how he had cured several people.
Could not contact
"In fact when I read the articles, I did try
to contact Dr. Eliyantha White but I could
not. But here he was on this day standing
next to the President," recalled Lasith
Malinga.
Thereafter, Dr. Eliyantha White had
commenced a five day course of treatment.
"You will be better in five days," Dr.
Eliyantha White had told star cricketer
Lasith Malinga.
The treatment surely did take five days -
simple herbal medication infused with the
amazing powers of Dr. Eliyantha White.
You will get better, the doctor had told
Lasith Malinga - and he did not just get
better - he became better than ever. Today
Lasith Malinga can run, bowl and ride a
bicycle. And he is bowled over by this
amazing treatment.
No more pain
"I am not a person to believe in this kind
of thing. But honestly it is amazing. I just
can't think what happened and how he did it.
The pain has gone away," said Malinga.
"After six months of X-rays, MRIs and bone
scans, if this one person whom the President
arranged for me to get treatment from could
make me better in four days - then I really
don't know what it is. Truly it is a
dream-treatment come true," said Lasith
Malinga.
"I am truly grateful to President Mahinda
Rajapakse for being so considerate as to
arrange this treatment for me through his
personal physician. I owe a debt to
President Mahinda Rajapakse, amidst all the
things that are happening in this country,
the President had time for me - he took time
to arrange this treatment for me.
"I am truly grateful to the President and
Dr. Eliyantha White for it is they who have
sent me back to the cricket field. I take
this opportunity to thank President Mahinda
Rajapakse and Dr. Eliyantha White for giving
me back my career, for without cricket I
would have been lost in life," said Malinga.
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A four day course of treatment
Dr. Eliyantha White speaking to The
Sunday Leader said that it was President
Mahinda Rajapakse who had instructed him
to treat cricketing star Lasith Malinga.
"This is not the first time that the
President has personally looked into the
welfare of the ailing," said Dr. White.
"Malinga's case was a four day treatment
after which the repair was fixed," said
Dr. White. The President has intervened
and treated over 300 people who have
been classed as 'incurable.'
The complication involved in treating
all the people who are trying to reach
me is the need for the special herbs and
the cost involved in obtaining such
medicine. But very soon we will be able
to, through a link obtained by the
President, treat all in need. We have
acted upon so many letters received at
the Presidential Secretariat," said Dr.
Eliyantha White and went onto say that
he will also be able to then treat all
the names in the 'lists." |

Treating HIV using
ayurveda
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Dr. D. D. A. Hettiarachchi with his
sons |
By Risidra Mendis
A cure for HIV AIDS patients! Is it possible
or is it only a dream? While Western
countries are yet to find a cure for this
deadly disease that gradually destroys one's
entire body, ending in death, a Sri Lankan
ayurvedic doctor claims to have found a
cure.
Impossible as it may seem this doctor who
has for many years put his faith in the
wonders of ancient Sri Lankan medicine
claims that he can cure a HIV AIDS patient
if the patient is not in the last stages of
the disease.
Using three main ingredients -animal, plant
and mineral products Dr. D.D. A.
Hettiarachchi claims to have successfully
cured a HIV positive patient.
Patients marginalised
Speaking to The Sunday Leader Dr.
Hettiarachchi said the cures of ayurvedic
medicine is respected the world over. "It
was our ancestors who discovered these
wonderful remedies that have cured many
people for various ailments. But nobody has
found a cure for HIV positive patients until
now," he said.
He added that in Sri Lanka HIV positive
patients are treated badly because the
disease is spread through sexual
intercourse. HIV positive patients are
considered to be 'bad' and are marginalised
by society. Due to this HIV positive
patients keep their condition a secret and
are not wiling to talk about it, Dr.
Hettiarachchi said.
Explaining the stages of HIV Dr.
Hettiarachchi said the first stage of HIV is
when the virus first enters the body. During
the second stage there are no symptoms to be
seen. In the third stage the patient's
glands get swollen and in the fourth stage
the AIDS related symptoms can be seen. In
the fifth or last stage the patient is known
to have full blown AIDS.
According to him in cases where meningitis
has spread to the head of a HIV positive
patient, or if HIV positive patients have
tuberculosis, infected kidneys, pneumonia or
a combination of pneumonia and tuberculosis,
they cannot be cured with his medicine. "If
another doctor can treat the HIV positive
patient for tuberculosis or pneumonia then I
can treat the patient for HIV," Dr.
Hettiarachchi explained.
His medication is composed of animal
products that include powder from elephant
tusks, deer horn powder and kasthuri (taken
from the deer), different types of oil,
plant products that include the bark, trunk
and leaves, and minerals such as mercury,
gold, silver, metal and copper, among
others.
Dr. Hettiarachchi treats his patients from
his home - Suwa Asapuwa, at Sisira Mawatha,
Kanda Liyaddapaluwa, Ganemulla. The doctor
administers a two year course that includes
kasayas, gulis and karka in addition to
other medication. A project was conducted in
2006 by him where he treated six HIV
positive patients at the Nawinna Ayurvedic
Hospital where one patient was completely
cured.
Dr. Hettiarachchi has a file of confidential
documents of all his patients which he
showed to The Sunday Leader where HIV
positive patients whose blood count was
positive after his treatment showed a
'negative' report. "Some of my patients
don't have the virus in their bodies
anymore. The patients say they feel much
better after my treatment."
Cured
"One of my HIV positive patients who comes
to me for treatment doesn't use protection
when having sex with his wife. However his
wife has not contracted the virus. I
therefore feel that this patient doesn't
have the virus in his body anymore," the
doctor explained.˙˙
A HIV positive patient from Botswana had
read an article of Dr. Hettiarachchi and
contacted him. "I treated this patient
through the post because he was seriously
ill and couldn't travel to Sri Lanka for
medical treatment. This patient lived for a
long period of time but eventually died,"
the doctor said.
Dr. Hettiarachchi's sons, Pradeep
Abeywardene Hettiarachchi and Prageeth
Abeywardene Hettiarachchi help him to treat
his patients. Pradeep is now learning the
ancient, popular, ayurvedic treatment for
snake bites from his father.
Country first
Due to his feat Dr. Hettiarachchi has been
offered the opportunity of practising
ayurveda in Western countries. "I have
turned down these requests because I feel
that I have to first cure my people before I
cure others," he said.
"I have treated HIV positive patients with
my own money. Some patients can afford to
pay me for their treatment. I use these
patients' money to treat those who can't
afford to pay. When I requested financial
assistance from the government President
Mahinda Rajapakse instructed Minister Tissa
Karaliyadde to look into the matter. The
Ayurveda Commissioner and the Minister's
Secretary have been supportive and
instructed the relevant authorities to
release the money. However apart from some
financial assistance given a few years ago
we have not received any funds to continue
with our practise. The Ayurveda Research
Centre in Nawinna has agreed to release
money if we are willing to give them
information on how the solution is made. How
can we reveal this kind of information to
them?" he asked.
While the World Health Organisation (WHO)
has commended the work done by Dr.
Hettiarachchi it is left to be seen if this
doctor will get the required financial
assistance from the government to treat the
rest of the HIV positive patients in the
country.

Seven years after 9/11
As
we approach the seven-year anniversary of
the 9/11 World Trade Centre attacks,
follow-up studies by the National Institute
of Environmental Health Sciences in the USA
and other organisations are showing that for
many of those who aided in rescue and
recovery efforts, physical and psychological
ailments continue.
A May 2008 NIEHS study notes, for example,
that of the thousands of workers exposed to
hazardous environmental conditions and
psychological trauma during the tragedy,
11.1 percent have reported suffering from
post-traumatic stress disorder. And
according to last week's Health Commentary
an additional 9 percent are clinically
depressed, 5 percent suffer panic disorders,
and 62 percent have substantial stress
reactions.
"None of this is news to the police or
firefighters in New York City," writes Mike
Magee, M.D. "They've been fighting an uphill
battle for years, watching responders
decline."
Physically disabled
Two years ago I attended the wake of a
police responder who had committed suicide.
His partners told me he was not the first,
and that there were several others,
physically disabled by the events, and
increasingly depressed by prospects for
their futures, who they knew would likely
end up the same way.
"The challenge that lies ahead is not a
small one. It's likely we'll see problems
for years to come." Dr. Robin Herbert,
co-director of the hospital's programme
monitoring afflicted workers, told lawmakers
in 2006 that new patients are still arriving
at Mount Sinai to be treated for
9/11-related illnesses and thousands
probably will need lifelong care. And it's
not just New Yorkers. Volunteer responders
from outside New York will need to be
monitored as well.
Dust-laden air
Magee notes that one of the biggest question
marks surrounding the lingering ailments is
the effect of the dust-laden air surrounding
the collapse of the WTC towers. "What was in
the air that day? Pretty much everything
that had been in two 100-story buildings -
but in vaporised form," says Magee.
"Years later, it has become clear that
warnings by Christie Todd Whitman, then head
of the EPA, fell short in protecting workers
sent to the scene. The problem is that it is
possible we were not measuring the right
things at the time. For example, we are now
learning the dangers of nanotubes, micro-miniaturised
rolled up sheets of carbon that may be of
future use in electronics.
A study revealed that mice exposed to the
substance responded with cancer development
in the same way as when exposed to asbestos.
There were no nanotubes in the Twin Towers,
and asbestos measures at the time were
supposed to be OK. But what about all the
other vaporised computers, electronics and
building materials we'd never expect to be
in our air under normal circumstances?"
The NIEHS report says that workers' service
in 9/11 recovery operations is associated
with chronic impairment of mental health and
social functioning. The report concludes:
"Psychological distress and psychopathology
in WTC workers greatly exceed population
norms. Surveillance and treatment programmes
continue to be needed."
- Courtesy OHS
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Working its way up again...
Almost seven years on and the rebuilding
of the World Trade Centre is still more
than 80ft. below street level.
Work goes on 20 hours a day here, in a
section of the 16-acre site known as the
'east bathtub.'
The two cranes that dominate this urban
landscape are in place to install the
steel foundation columns of the new
World Trade Centre, or 'Freedom Tower' -
the main building of the new WTC.
To the right of the cranes, at street
level, a mixer pumps concrete down a
navy-blue funnel into the bathtub. The
concrete will be used to construct the
tower's core.
The West Side Highway, with its six
lanes of vehicles, separates the
construction site from the four World
Financial Centre skyscrapers. And you
can just glimpse the Hudson River
through a gap between two of the
buildings.
A wide road has been built from street
level to the heart of the construction
site, allowing up to 100, 36-tonne dump
trucks to access the bathtub daily.
After nearly two years of heavy
excavation, more than half a million
tonnes of soil, rock and debris have
been removed and there are still
thousands more to go.
An architectural landmark for New York
City, the Freedom Tower will soar
1,776ft. skyward to become America's
tallest building.
The 2.6 million sq ft. edifice will
include office space, an observation
deck, restaurants and broadcast
facilities and antennae. It is scheduled
to open in 2011 - to mark the 10 year
anniversary of the terrorist attacks
that destroyed the original World Trade
Centre.
Three other high-rise office buildings
and a residential tower are also
planned. They will surround the World
Trade Centre Memorial, which is
currently under construction. The area
will also house a museum.
- Courtesy The Mail On Sunday |

A little bit of Jaffna in
Colombo

The chefs responsible for Yal
Virundu with Food and Beverage
Manager Lasantha de Silva and
Assistant Restaurant Manager M.Z.
Shamsoodeen |
Holiday Inn which has been dishing out
Moghul Cuisine for as long as one can
remember has decided to go up north, just
for the weekends.
The brainchild of Operations Director M.
Shanthikumar, Yaal Virindu presented every
Saturday at the hotel, begins with the
traditional greeting from Jaffna and
thereafter begins an evening of food which
can come from nowhere, but from Jaffna.
Chef Ranjith Dharmapriya and his team said
that with hard work, dedication and a
passion they are able to lay out foods that
have been associated with Jaffna from time
immemorial.
"Yaal Virindu was held every year by the
Holiday Inn and this festival of Jaffna food
began soon after the ceasefire," said the
dynamic Operations Director of the Hotel, M.
Shanthikumar. "We receive many inquiries
from overseas and the calls come from the
United Kingdom, Switzerland, France and
Germany asking us when Yaal Virindu is due,"
said Shathikumar.
Hot and tasty Jaffna cuisine
Yaal Virindu's hot and tasty Jaffna cuisine
consists of plantain flower curry, ash
plantain fried, odiyal kool, brinjal white
curry, brinjal kulambu, bitter gourd salad,
sweet pumpkin curry, tapicoa curry, and crab
varai.
The sambaru, the crispy paper thosai and the
hoppers add an exceptional excitement. The
meen cutlets complete the party spirit and
the pittu, fried liver and crab gravy adds
the richness that seems to be oozing both
out of the food and of the presentation of
the food.
Foods as prawn with drumstick, shark curry
and prawn fried are the exclusives on the
menu with tamarind rice, chicken kulambu and
three kinds of mutton preparations giving
one more than one's money's worth.
Unmatched taste
"Our chefs have worked very hard to lay out
all these dishes. Not only do they look good
but is unmatched when it comes to taste,"
said Food and Beverage Manager Lasantha de
Silva.
"There is a great turnout at Yaal Virindu,"
said the Assistant Restaurant Manager M.Z.
Shamsoodeen and went on to say that during
his decades at the hotel, he has observed
that the food festivals and presentations
organised by the Holiday Inn have a steamy
turnout.
Yaal Virindu, presented by the Holiday Inn
Hotel on Saturdays and Sundays is a party
for all, be they from Jaffna or away from
Jaffna.
Yaal Virindu is hard to forget and seems to
fan the memories of the palm trees and the
blue waters that surround the beautiful
Jaffna Peninsula giving a walk down memory
lane through the stomach to the heart.

Discipline without
brute force
An academic, Dr. Sarath Wijesuriya of the
Colombo University wrote a book in Sinhala,
about punishment in schools, titled Do Not
Beat Children. As an addendum to the
already explicit title he pleads:
'Teachers, please love thy wards.'
In the not so distant past the country
witnessed a most unfortunate trend where
students of schools, prestigious schools at
that, gang up to attack students of other
schools for flimsy, childish reasons.
How is it possible that otherwise
intelligent and responsible children act
like mad men when they are incited by
pseudo-loyal emotions?
Is it the love for their alma mater,
friendship for their equally foolish peers
or pure and simple naivet‚ that drives them
to behave in this manner?
It is easy for people who know nothing about
school management to run down the entirety
of the school system using stray examples
and claim that 'there is no discipline in
the schools today.' Before going on to
discuss more important issues, may I pose a
simple question:
'Where else do you see discipline in this
country if not in the schools?'
Condemning schools, the teachers and
students in general, would not lead us
anywhere.
Student violence is obviously the symptom of
a deeper malady. What erupts as senseless
hatred towards fellow schoolboys is a
misdirected hatred. Is it a rejection of the
social order in its entirety or is it just a
reaction against the oppression that they
are subjected to?
Parental pressure
Do parents play their expected role of
providers of warmth, friendship, love and
acceptance? It is no secret that parents
push the children to unnatural lengths to
pass their examinations from very tender
ages. The fierce competition that almost all
school children undergo at the age of 10
years may be a contributory factor.
The objective of parents is genuine and
valid. They would go to any length to get a
'good' school for their child. But 'good'
is an abstract concept. What is good for the
parent may not seem good for the child.
It should not be forgotten that abstract
conceptualisation begins around the age of
12 years and the Year 5 scholarship
examination takes place long before that.
Teachers as role models
It comes to light every now and then that
teachers, especially in boys schools, use
brute force against student indiscipline.
There are many well-known and lesser known
cases where male teachers have beaten young
boys mercilessly, slapping and even kicking
them. There are also instances that prefects
of prestigious schools have followed suit,
punishing the younger students for various
offences in like manner.
Whenever somebody points out the
inappropriateness of such action, these
teachers and principals hide behind very
sentimental statements like 'It is not
possible to correct a child anymore.'
Such sentiments do not hide the sadistic
nature of the offence. Why is it that
teachers have to resort to brute force to
discipline children?
The sage and sugar candy
I am reminded of a little story where a
mother takes her little son to the Mahatma
and requests him to advise the son not to
eat too much sugar candy. The mother had
been unsuccessful in her own effort to
convince the child. She knows for certain
that one word from the holy person would do
the needful as the child reveres him.
The sage however tells her to come back with
the child after one week. Though not very
happy about another long journey, she
obliges .
This time too, the sage does not volunteer
to give advice, but asks the mother to bring
the child after one more week. The mother
does it as she has no other option.
This time the sage simply tells the boy that
eating too much sugar candy is not good for
him and says that he should reduce it.
The mother who thought that the sage would
give the child a long, elaborate lecture is
unconvinced. She takes the child home
unfulfilled but to her surprise, realises
after a few days that in fact the boy had
overcome the bad habit.
She is now bewildered. 'The sage did not
perform any magic or did not make a lengthy
discourse on it. If it was so simple, why
didn't he do it at the first instance?'
She confronts the sage for the fourth time
with the query and is answered thus. 'When
you first saw me I myself had the bad habit
of being fond of sweet things. I struggled
against my desire and when you came after
one week I still had a trace of it left.'
The sage had the moral strength to advise
the boy because he lived by it and his word
was law to the child. There was no need for
a lengthy discourse or any reprimand.
Any teacher who thinks that discipline
cannot be brought about without using brute
force on the child should stop to think
whether there is something lacking in
himself. Is he worthy of respect from the
child? Obviously any teacher who is seen
under the influence of liquor, by the
children, especially at school functions,
worse still at religious functions organised
by school children, is not worthy of their
respect.
This applies even more to school principals.
He cannot afford to behave in one way when
he is wearing the white coat and in another
way, when he is not. Whether they like it or
not, teachers and principals are role models
for young children under their care.
A new look at discipline
Discipline has never been a serious problem
in our part of the world where children are
naturally docile to a fault and respectful
to teachers and adults. However one cannot
go behind the fact that an emergence of
disruptive and violent behaviour is seen
among school children. Ragging, which was
once a harmless preoccupation of university
seniors has now spread in an alarming way to
schools where students of the same school
passing from Year 11 to Year 12 are being
ragged.
Use of drugs, bringing pornographic material
to school and little misunderstandings
developing into major warfare between
factions, are becoming common place.
Solutions are sought for this calamity at
various fora. Some of the solutions offered
are absurd: 'close the offending schools,'
'stop operating the school bus system,'
'close down such and such tutories.'
Looking for the key
Nasruddin dropped his key in his store room
in the night. Since there was no light he
could not find it in the dark. Instead he
went outside and started looking for it
under the street light.
A friend passing by asked him what he was
doing and being told that he was looking for
the key, joined him in the search. A little
while later the friend asked where exactly
he dropped the key and was told that he
dropped it inside the house.
The friend said: 'You fool! You dropped it
there and you look for it here?'
Nasruddin said 'Yes. There is no light there
and I can't see anything. So I am looking
for it where there is light.'
Aren't we doing the same thing? Shouldn't we
seek a solution where the problem is?
Closing down schools and cancelling the
school bus system will only penalise the
innocent.
Assertive discipline
In the 1970's Lee Canter introduced a new
approach to establishing classroom
discipline which is now practised across
the Western world. His approach in a
nutshell is 'To catch students being good.'
In this method the students are made to
choose responsible behaviour which raises
their self esteem and which in turn leads to
better academic success.
Assertive discipline is based on the belief
that:
Teachers
have a right to teach
Students
have a right to learn
Canter's definition of an assertive teacher
is: 'One who clearly and firmly communicates
her expectations to her students and is
prepared to reinforce her words in
appropriate actions. She responds to
students in a manner that maximises her
potential to get her own needs to teach,
met, but in no way violates the best
interest of the students.'
The salient features in assertive discipline
are consistency, follow through and
relationship building.
Rules
Rules
should be 'chosen' together by the class
teacher and her students and displayed in
the class.
Rules
chosen should let pupils know what behaviour
is expected of them. It is important that
this should be in the positive. It should
not be 'What the students should not do.'
The
number of rules should be limited. Maximum
of five is recommended.
Rules
should be observable at all times
Rules
should apply to behaviour only. (Should not
address home work, etc.)
Positive recognition
The
teacher should use positive recognition to
encourage appropriate behaviour.
Use
positive recognition to increase self
esteem.
Create
a positive classroom environment.
Praise
pupils often - This is the most powerful and
effective tool the teacher has.
Recognise
responsible behaviour by rewards (Positive
notes and phone calls to parents, special
privileges like being class monitor on
rotation, extra computer time, etc.
Consequences
When
disruptive behaviour occurs, the teacher
should act quickly and calmly.
The
teacher should implement the consequences
agreed upon. e.g. detention, notes to
parents, etc.
Students
should be made to realise that consequences
are a choice.
Consequences
do not have to be severe to be effective.
Should
be appropriate for the pupil and the
offence, and the teacher should be
comfortable using it.
Consequences
must never be physically or psychologically
harmful.
Consequences
do not work in isolation. They must be
balanced with positive support.
Criticism
One critique of assertive discipline is John
Covalescie whose main argument is that the
very simplicity of assertive discipline is
its biggest problem.
Assertive discipline is a very simple
process. It is about choice.
It is a choice offered to the students to
decide on their behaviour, knowing the
consequences. It is not just about
consequences but also about rewards and
positive recognition. Most importantly
students themselves are in the process of
laying out the rules.
At an earlier era, the philosophy of Ying
and Yang and the accompanying technique of
acupuncture were discarded on the basis of
simplicity until it was demonstrated that
even open heart surgery could be performed
using it.
Assertive discipline too, is very simple but
it works.
Somabandhu Kodikara
Headmaster,
Gateway College


The stuff that passes for 'art' these days
I must confess modern art totally baffles
me. Most of these 'brilliant' masterpieces
remind me of what the kids would produce
between the ages of about six to 10 years of
age. Somehow it looks like the artist was in
a fit of rage or wanted to have some fun and
flung paint or whatever the medium, and
threw it or dribbled it at the base material
being used. Then a title is assigned to the
work that looks nothing like what it
actually is. It really puzzles me sometimes.
But what do I know? Almost next to nothing,
according to my family!
I know, I know, freedom of expression and
all that, but surely you have to draw the
line somewhere? Yes, ha ha, I know what
you're thinking, modern art is sometimes
cunningly placed lines that you have to
squint at, to make out what the heck it is.
No, apparently you can run quite wild and
get away with it!
So people stare at it and ponder, and some
don't want to show they are mystified and
don't know what it's all about, so they nod
knowledgeably and agree to whatever comments
made. Maybe the whole point of it all is to
make you think. In that sense, the object is
certainly achieved!
Old fashioned
Well, I may be old fashioned, but I firmly
believe that a thing of beauty is a joy
forever. Anything, harsh, discordant and
unpleasant to the eye wouldn't be displayed
in my living rooms. I think one of the
characteristics of modern art is to shock
the viewer. Primary colours are very
striking and go so well together, but I
would never be able to relax in a room with
an abundance of very bright tones.
In a tropical country such as ours, we have
to cope with the glare of the sunlight
almost daily, so in addition, if you are
surrounded by vibrant colours, it would be
an assault to one's senses.
So, some artists gather what we would term
junk or garbage, put them together in some
kind of weird formation, give it an
intellectual title, or even a totally silly
one, and this is called brilliant!
Art exhibit!
Apparently in Germany once, two nude people
flung themselves against a wall until they
injured themselves and bled. The blood
splattered wall was displayed as an art
exhibit! Gross! And how about the display of
people who hadn't washed for days? Yuck!
But it's all art, my dear! Dancing Doll took
part in a fashion show recently, and part of
it was modeling accessories. I did a double
take when I saw them. One was a bit of coir
rope to tie around like a necklace. The
pendant in the middle was fashioned out of
bits and pieces of what a plumber would have
used as spare parts.
They were all really old and must have come
out of someone's toolbox. I warned her not
to touch them, goodness knows where they
originally were fixed. I also caught a
glimpse of a bracelet made out of what
looked like an unravelled wire pot scourer.
Looking at my aghast expression, she quickly
swept them all out of sight into a bag and
airily said, "It's supposed to be pieces of
art!" Hmm!
I remember in school, we had to decorate our
classrooms before the Christmas holidays. It
was usually on the day of the Christmas
class party, and the classroom that was
decorated the best got a prize.
Christmas tree
At that time, there was the Grow More Food
campaign being heavily promoted locally. So
we decided to use this as our theme, and
used vegetables and local produce to
decorate our Christmas tree. We made
garlands of dried chillies to use on the
tree.
Anything we could lay our hands on, like
coconut flowers, coconut leaves and even
coconuts were used to decorate the main
interior. We used jute fabric to festoon the
walls with artistically curved lengths. We
thought it was quite fantastic and utterly
modern and unique and we definitely did get
an award!
Well, I'm certainly no art critique, but as
a rule I like to see realistic images for
total enjoyment. I don't think I want to
unravel a mystery every single time I gaze
on an 'artwork.' I do enjoy the works of
Salvador Dali, who was as modern and
outrageous as you can get. He was an
exceptionally talented artist. Most of his
paintings are awe inspiring and some, a
pleasure to the eye.
-
Honky Tonk Woman

HUMOUR
In line
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of
his cadets, and as he was walking away, he
turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when
I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the
army I'd never stand in another line!"
In mourning
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to
the SuperBowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the
stadium, he realises the seat is in the last
row in the corner of the stadium. He's
closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Joe
sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10
rows off the field right on the 50 yardline.
He decides to take a chance and makes his
way through the stadium and around the
security guards to the empty seat. As he
sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting
next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting
here?"
The man says "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat
for the game, Joe again inquires of the man
next to him, "This is incredible! Who in
their right mind would have a seat like this
at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat
belongs to me. I was supposed to come with
my wife, but she passed away. This is the
first SuperBowl we haven't been together at
since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but
still, you couldn't find anyone to take the
seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the
man replies, "They're all at the funeral."
Who's this?
After a long night of making love, this guy
rolls over in bed and was looking around
when he noticed a framed picture of another
man on the nightstand by the bed.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired
nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to
him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at
his ear.
"Your brother?"
"No, it isn't my brother" she said.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the
bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before
the surgery."
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