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Achini’s struggle for life in a temple pond |
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Ramyalatha holds close her youngest
as she longs for Achini |
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By Ranee Mohamed
Achini was always a step
ahead when it came to affairs of the
temples. It was on Saturday, October 18,
that she danced for the third consecutive
year at the Katina Perahera of the
Sri Dharmapala Daham Pasela in Nawala.
Surrounded by spectators,
Achini was at her best — colourful and
sprightly.
Happy as she and her family
were on that day, what they did not know was
of the heartbreaking loss that would follow
but a week after — when Achini would
struggle alone in a dance of death in the
pond of the temple in her neighbourhood.
"It was on October 26, when
the Katina Pinkama in the temple down
our road — the Diyawanna Purana Viharaya was
to be conducted that my husband’s sister
decided to take two of my four children to
the temple for bana. It had taken
some time for the bana to start and
the children had asked her whether they
could go out and play, and she had
consented," said Ramyalatha.
"My children do not frequent
this temple and do not know much about its
surroundings," pointed out Ramyalatha.
Time for adventure
But it had not taken long
for little Achini and her brother to
discover three ponds in the temple premises.
And free of supervision, it was indeed time
for adventure.
"At first my sister wanted
to see the Loku Budhu Medura (the
larger temple area). When we went there it
was closed. Then she saw the pond and
suggested that we swim in it without telling
anyone. I told her that I was frightened and
that I will have to tell my aunt. But she
told me that if I mentioned a word to
anyone, she would be angry with me. She
jumped into the pond and called me inside
too," said little brother Madhusha Shanuka,
a student of Year 1.
The fish-filled murky pond
had not been an inviting play area to the
young boy, but he had chosen to keep his
sister company
"As I climbed to the edge,
she pulled me in, but I sensed a great fear
when inside and somehow held on to an old
pipe and scrambled out. It was just then
that I heard my sister’s plea, "please take
me out, loku malli." As I reached out
to her and pulled her leg with all my might,
I slipped and lost the hold of my sister’s
leg. I could see my sister struggling,"
cried Shanuka.
The cries and wails of the
children had been drowned amidst the din of
the loudspeakers in the temple. And it was
just then that their aunt had come out and
seen the faint shadow of the little boy’s
head. Running upto the pond, she had asked
him where little Achini was. "I showed her
the water in the pond and told her that she
was inside," recalled Shanuka.
Fear choking her, the woman
had wailed out loud, thus inviting attention
of the devotees.
A young Buddhist monk who
had rushed to the scene had jumped into the
pond without a second thought and pulled
young Achini’s unconscious body out of the
water.
Doctors and nurses struggle
Achini had been rushed
within seven minutes to the Colombo South
Teaching Hospital where doctors and nurses
struggled to bring her back to life.
"I saw her that day, October
26 at about 7.20 p.m .Her eyes were closed.
It was as if my little girl was asleep. She
never opened her eyes again," cried Chandani
Ramyalatha.
"She was a young girl — born
on June 18, 2000, yet she was so sensitive
to everyone’s feelings. My little girl had a
heart of gold. We are not rich people. I
have two girls and two boys. My husband
Nihal is an electrician, but he does not
have a permanent job, hence we have no
steady income. When I cried in my misery it
was my little Achini who comforted me. When
the other children wreaked havoc at home, it
was Achini who kept me sane," said
heartbroken mother Chandani Ramyalatha.
"Don’t worry Amma, if
you have no money, we will starve," she
would comfort me. "If my other children hung
around me, Achini would pull them away and
keep them in a corner so that I can have
some peace, yet when she was struggling for
her life, I was not around to help her,"
said Ramayalatha, a mother who is trying to
endure the greatest pain in life — that of
losing a child.
No house of our own
Ramyalatha, her husband and
their four children live with a paternal
aunt at 73/5A Temple Road, Nawala. "We have
no house of our own and we have no income.
In fact we are struggling to find a way to
offer alms for Achini’s alms giving," cried
Ramyalatha.
Achini’s older sister
Lakmini Ravihari will never be able to hold
her sister’s little hand and walk to school
again. A student of Year 10 Ravihari has
lost her only sister — her little friend.
"My mother said that she wanted another
daugther so that I will not be alone in
life," cried the young girl. Little Achini
was loved by all in the neighbourhood. She
was the friend of the disabled and she
played with special children who were
shunned aside by others. She was friendly
towards all — generous with her love even to
people her parents chose to ignore.
If there was one incident
that Achini always treasured it was a visit
to a water-park where she had a swim in the
baby pool. "My sister had never learnt to
swim, but I saw her swish her hands and legs
and swim to the best of her ability in that
baby pool," recalled her brother who
accompanied her to the water park.
Fun-filled event
That swim in the baby pool
on World Children’s Day on October 1 had
been the fun-filled event that flooded her
thoughts. For thereafter she even went
outside in search of huge puddles after a
heavy downpour.
"Amma please help me to
learn to swim," she would beg of me, said
Ramyalatha. But I had no means to send her
for swimming classes.
Ramyalatha’s poverty has
taken an even more devastating turn — as she
awaits help to give alms in her child’s
name. Unable to buy a coffin for her child,
it was the students of Janadhipathi Balika
Vidyalaya in Nawala who had helped them to
take little Achini on her final journey.
Life is cruel. It snatches
away the very things we fear that we will
lose. And so it is with Chandani Ramyalatha
today. She has fallen down in a faint four
times since her daughter died.
Ramyalatha’s greatest
possessions are her children and her worst
fears had been that she would lose them. "I
have starved and spent sleepless nights to
bring these children up. It has never been
easy," she said in tears.
Chandani Ramyalatha is
engulfed by the twin miseries of poverty and
sadness. Her heart is broken and it is only
her daughter’s smile that will help mend it
again. It is time to reach out to a young
mother in anguish — a mother without a home
to live in, without an income to feed her
children and without a child whom she will
miss for as long as she lives.
It surely is a lifetime of
tears that beckons young Chandani Ramyalatha.
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"Parents must ensure
the safety of their children…" —
School Principal
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Malini Dissanayake |
"A mother must look
after a child from the time the baby is
in her womb. Parents must have the
courage to instruct strangers and
relatives to take proper care of
children entrusted to them" said
Principal, Janadhipathi Balika Vidyalaya,
Nawala, Malini Dissanayake who has been
an educationist for 35 years.
Principal Malini
Dissanayake went on to say that some
parents think that they can stop paying
attention to the child when the child
begins to walk, yet others think that a
child can be left alone after he or she
completes his/her education.
"But it is not so.
Love and security go together. Love is
not buying your child whatever he or she
wants, or letting him or her do whatever
they want. Parents must ensure the
security of children — be it in their
surroundings, in the food they eat, in
the shoes they wear, in the films they
watch, in the books they read and in the
friends they keep company with — parents
ought to find out whether their child is
secure," pointed out the principal and
went on to say that parents ought to be
intelligent enough to protect and take
care of their offspring
"Achini was a very capable,
intelligent, active and loving child.
The school sympathises with her parents
and family. We will always remember her
. We have lost a remarkable student and
a loving child," said the saddened
Principal. |
The garden maker
By Risidra Mendis
We all have our bad days no matter how
hard we try to pre-
vent them. However a really bad day — be it
stress, strain or depression at your
workplace or home can be very hard to get
over, especially if you don’t have a close
friend, relative, confidante or spouse to
help you get over your misery.
At present there is no medical cure for
stress and depression. However with the
latest developments in landscaping,
researchers and professionals in the field
have proven that a waterfall or water
feature in a garden could help many
depressed and stressed out individuals get
over their misery just by listening to the
soothing sounds of the cascading water.
The gentle sounds of the water as it
cascades along the rocks and into a pond no
matter at what time of the day, has helped
many a person forget the stress and misery
and instead enjoy the wonders of nature.
Water feature in demand
Due to the demand of a water feature in a
garden layout by many customers,
landscapists now include even a small
waterfall when landscaping a garden.
Speaking to The Sunday Leader K.B.
Wasantha of Wadula Garden Services
said he has been involved in landscaping for
the past 15 years.
"The demand for a landscaped garden is on
the increase. In the past people decided to
design their own gardens with simple
designs. But today people have realised the
value of a waterfall in a garden and they
consult a landscapist to get the job done.
Water falls can be designed in many ways and
sizes to suit the customers’ requirements,"
Wasantha said.
Prior to getting involved in landscaping
Wasantha worked with building contractors.
But due to his interests in landscaping he
followed a course in the subject and has
today become a popular landscapist among his
customers.
"When I undertake an order for
landscaping I first visit the house and
discuss how the garden has to be designed
with the owners. If there are children in a
house a waterfall or pond has to be designed
keeping in mind their safety. Even if a
house has a small area for a garden we can
still fit in a waterfall if required. We can
also create a design to make a small garden
area look bigger than what it actually is,"
Wasantha explained.
He added that newly built houses have
indoor gardens and if necessary a waterfall
can be built indoors. "A roof top can also
have a waterfall depending on the space and
structure of the building. We have to be
aware that a waterfall creates dampness and
the structure of the roof top has to be
strong enough to accommodate the water
feature," Wasantha explained.
Cost effective
According to Wasantha depending on the
customers’ requirements a waterfall can be
created with murals and other natural
creations. "Instead of using stones we can
use cement and get a similar feature when
designing a waterfall. By using cement we
can bring down the cost of the waterfall and
give a middle class customer the chance of
having a waterfall in his or her garden,"
Wasantha said.
Wadula Garden services at Moratuwa Road,
Suwarapola, Piliyandala is an attraction to
any passerby who cares to stop and take a
look at some of the waterfalls designed by
Wasantha.
Wasantha added that he undertakes orders
in all parts of the country and has
landscaped gardens in Hatton, Galle, Matara
and Kandy.
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What you should remember when
landscaping your garden
1. When planning your landscaping and
you wish to place statues keep it simple
unless the statue is a masterpiece.
2. When placing shrubs remember
curves soften the look.
3. Try placing flowers in clumps
rather than straight rows to give your
garden more eye appeal and
individuality.
4. Use a landscape design that helps
to control weed. Remember the less
weeding and watering you have to do the
more time you have to enjoy the beauty
of your garden.
5. It is nice to have a mixture of
flowering plants for fragrance.
6. If you are planning to have a
water garden consider adding a
waterfall. It is very relaxing to listen
to the sound of water in the evening
hours.
7. Tall and safe trees can be used to
cover a dusty wall and prevent dust from
coming into the garden.
Maintaining your garden
• Never let your garden grow wild
• Cut off faded flowers on a daily
basis
• Don’t let tall trees grow too tall
• Hedges and lawns need to be pruned
on a regular basis
• Water plants regularly
• Fertilise as and when necessary |
The Blue Mountain Saga
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Statuesin the Buddhist Temple and A
Chinese Buddhist temple in Sydney |
A few
hours drive north-west of Sydney is the Blue
Mountain tourist spot. At the very entrance
are the sculptures of three young women with
an expression of death and fear on their
faces, and an old orgensh man’s sculpture in
the act of chasing them.
Legend has it that the three young women,
daughters of a magician, were chased by an
orgensh man, and to save them, their
magician father had turned them to stone.
But alas! He had lost the magic book to
chant the words to bring them back to life,
and it is believed that he is still roaming
the forest searching for the book. Anyone
visiting the area is told to look for the
book, and if found to hand it over to the
Blue Mountain tourist spot authorities!
Magnetic train
Once you enter, there is a train waiting
to take you into the bowels of the jungle.
The trip is unique in that the train goes
down a cliff, lizard like, along the side of
the mountain. So you would go head long down
in the magnetic train, and then up the cliff
on the other side, also lizard-like.
After landing there, go up a few steps to
a platform — a cable station. A cable lad
waits for you to take you across a ravine
for five minutes and return.
So with the blue sky above, and a gaping
hungry ravine below, perhaps hoping for one
to go overboard, and mega butterflies
churning the insides, the writer did the 10
minutes up and down with fingers crossed.
The forest of the Blue Mountain region
have in its bowels green lush vegetation and
trees that would surely have been a delicacy
for the herbivorous dinosaurs that lived
during the Mesozoic Era millions of years
ago.
Scenic sites
Besides there were many breathtaking
scenic sites, and one could see the three
stones — the three sisters — across the
valley.
The silvery lines of water falls
moistening the earth giving rise to a
variety of plant life is a speciality of
that region.
This is one of the best, if not the best
spot, none visiting Down Under should miss!
Next to the Blue Mountain tour, the place
to visit is the beautiful Chinese Buddhist
Temple located a few kilometres away
from the hustle and bustle of Sydney city,
away from the maddening crowd of city life.
The most serene atmosphere in a world of
turmoil, among silent, stately mountains
lies this temple beautifully built and well
maintained by Chinese workers. The garden is
luxurious with little marble statues adding
to its beauty.
Shrine room
Inside, there was silence as if everyone
there was meditating. The quiet and the
dignified set up transfixed the visitor.
In the shrine room there were hundreds of
Buddha statues — and one in particular
nearly 12 ft. tall captures one’s attention
— it was almost like Goddess Kali with many
hands and weapons in each hand. It was
baffling to see this statue amidst the
beautiful, peaceful statues of the Buddha.
Everything was spick and span and each in
its own niche — the statues majestic and
magnificent.
It is a beautiful set up, the nimble
fingers that worked at the figures are
worthy of praise. The Buddha enshrined there
is called Gan-ly-wang Buddha. Those who work
there greet the visitors in oriental style
and are very willing to help. It is one of
the most beautiful man-made institutions
that none should miss for its beauty and the
exquisitely laid out garden and neatly built
temple. The volunteers work round the clock
to maintain it.
— Thilaka Wijeratnam Vivekanandan
Gateway opens new International School
in Colombo 4
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Noreen Welikala |
Gateway College, Colombo 4 will formally
commence sessions in a conveniently located
colonial style premises in Vajira Road,
Bambalapitiya in January 2009. The school
will initially cater to Foundation and
Primary levels only. The serene environment
with spacious play areas and modern
facilities provides the ideal setting for
quality teaching and learning for children.
Wealth of experience
The new school is to be spearheaded by
Noreen Welikala, who will join Gateway as a
consultant. Noreen Welikala, who began her
career as a graduate teacher of humanities
and later served as principal of a leading
educational institution in Colombo for over
two decades, brings a wealth of experience
and expertise in international school
education.
Chairman, Gateway, R.I.T. Alles says,
"the directorate is very pleased to add
another school to its network at a time when
the college is celebrating its 12 th
anniversary.
In 2007, in addition to Gateway Colleges
in Colombo and Kandy, the parent institution
set up a Primary School in Negombo. In just
two years, Gateway College, Negombo has made
great strides by extending its services upto
A/L’s, catering to a student population of
300.
A new dimension
Having strengthened its position in the
primary and secondary sectors, Gateway has
now embarked into the tertiary sector. With
this initiative, in August 2008, the Gateway
Graduate School was inaugurated bringing a
new dimension to the institution where they
provide education from Play Group (2 ½
years+) to Degree Level, with a new focus
and theme — "Foundation to Graduation."
In 2006, Gateway acquired a group of
kindergartens in Abingdon, Oxford. Further,
the Gateway Group caters to the needs of IT
and English Language training with a network
of 30 centres across the country.
Internationally, Gateway’s IT programmes are
currently offered in Malaysia, China,
Indonesia, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Dubai and
Nigeria.
Gateway College, Colombo is now operating
in the new school campus situated in a four
acre block of land situated in Royal
Gardens, Rajagiriya. The new campus situated
in a salubrious environment bordering a
waterway, consists of customised school
buildings and modern facilities built with a
blend of leading British independent schools
architecture and Sri Lankan culture.
The student population at Gateway
College, Colombo has reached a capacity
level of 1750. Gateway College, Kandy with a
student population of 950 too will be
shifting to a new campus in a phased out
manner. The Foundation and Key Stage 1
sections are already functioning in the new
premises in Asgiriya. The rest of the school
will move into the new campus by June 2009.
MLSC exhibition and
sale
The Muslim Ladies Study Circle will have
their third anniversary sale, exhibition and
award ceremony on November 15 and 16 from 10
a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Muslim Ladies Study
Circle, 201, D.R Wijewardene Mawatha,
Colombo 10.
"The MLSC is a social service
organisation which has served the community
for 36 years. The Vocational Training Centre
of the Muslim Ladies Study Circle offers
courses in computer, cookery, cake icing,
hand embroidery, ribbon and Brazilian
embroidery, dress making, English, beauty
culture, machine embroidery etc," said its
President, Nawaziya Farook.
The Dreamer is back
My Beautiful Dreamer is here, making an
unscheduled but very welcome visit. She had
come in her office outfit with the teeniest
possible case, but of course her’s was the
very last to appear on the conveyor belt.
The minute she appeared, I descended on
her like a volcanic eruption! "Gosh Mum!
Calm down!" she said, probably embarrassed
by my superfluous attention. She then
started nattering to me, mostly about the
emotional farewell she had got from the
Dancing Doll.
Apparently she was late, so she dashed
into the apartment and grabbed her stuff,
and D.D. promptly burst into tears. She’s
quite the Drama Queen! So B.D., quite
startled, said, "Why are you crying? I won’t
be home at Christmas probably. I
should be upset!" Then D.D. wails back, "I
also want to come hooooome!" Then B.D. tells
her, "It’s only a few weeks more, no?" Then
D.D. fiercely replies, "Now go soon! The cab
is waiting! You’ll miss your flight!"
Surly replies
So I get urgent texts on the way to the
airport, "Mum! Call her! She’s upset!" So I
call, and get monosyllabic, surly replies.
Apparently she’s angry with the whole world!
So I say in my best Mummy voice, "Not me,
no?" And she reluctantly says, "No!"
So I ask B.D. what her latest news is. I
asked her if she hadn’t set her hair on fire
in the kitchen recently! (She actually did
that.) "No, but I left the kettle on the gas
and forgot about it and the water dried up
and the plastic handle melted off! D.D. came
and asked me what on earth I had done to the
kettle! When I dashed off to investigate,
disaster had struck!"
"Then one day the fan in my room suddenly
exploded with a loud bang and clouds of
smoke were emitted into the room! What could
I do, I didn’t do anything to set it off!" I
smiled secretly to myself. She was the
daughter of the Walking Disaster! (My
nickname in days of yore.)
Light bulb exploded
Then just a few days ago, there was a
loud bang! And B.D. burst into my room
wildly exclaiming, "The light bulb exploded
all by itself! I just put the switch on!
It’s not my fault!"
Well, that was just fine and dandy as the
electrician had just done a series of jobs
and departed. "My gosh!" I said to her in
exasperation, "What next?" I’m still waiting
in breathless anticipation!
Anyway, it is rather nice to be
able to boss someone around once again! On
the other hand, D.D. is making me feel quite
guilty for being thrilled about her sister’s
presence. Her list of demands grows by the
day. "I want some of your lampries! I
want some DVDs from Majestic City. I want
you to make me some of your love
cake," and so on…She actually sent me
a message saying, "Don’t have too much fun
without me, right?" I dutifully promised.
‘I want to see the baby’
When we saw the photo of the scan of the
latest arrival to our family, she squealed,
"I want to see the baby! Send me a photo
too!" So immediately B.D. took a photo and
tried to send it by MMS but failed. Then I
called her dad but he didn’t have MMS
either. I’d better devise a method fast or I
won’t hear the end of it!
We have been also ordered to
download some photos and get them printed
out even though it’s probably easier there.
She asks what we’re having at each meal and
then says sulkily, "Right, you all eat your
delicious food! I’m just having
boring old pasta!" I totally forgive her for
being so demanding, because B.D. informed me
that she has posted on her wall on Facebook,
"I want my Mummy!" Wow!
Recently, at the supermarket with B.D.,
there was a special offer on and there was
this guy taking photos frantically from all
angles of me making my purchase. Didn’t we
giggle! B.D. said, "Ah, at laaast! Your
chance at fame! I knew you’d
eventually be recognised."
This guy followed us around but whenever
he approached, we started giggling madly and
he departed in disgust. One could hear him
thinking, "Women!"
But it is nice to hear the
gurgling of the water from the cooler
outside the bedroom door. And on returning
from a night out, to be greeted by "Is this
the time you come home? With whom were you?
How did you come home? Why are you so late?"
and then to collapse in a heap, laughing my
head off.
- Honky Tonk Woman
HUMOUR
The coffin
A man is walking home alone
late one foggy Halloween night, when behind
him he hears:
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks
back and through the fog he makes out the
image of an upright casket banging its way
down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to
run toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him.
FASTER... FASTER... BUMP...
BUMP... BUMP....
He runs up to his door,
fumbles with his keys, opens the door,
rushes in, slams and locks the door behind
him. However, the casket crashes through his
door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP... on his heels, as the
terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the
bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is
coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket
breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping
toward him.
The man screams and reaches
for something, anything...
All he can find is a box of
cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough
drops at the coffin ......and...of...course,
...the coffin stops!
Change for a dollar?
Command Officer:
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That’s no way to
address an officer! Let’s try it again.
Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, sir."
Cannibal restaurant
A cannibal was walking
through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and
looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $10.00,
Fried Explorer: $15.00, Baked Politician:
$100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over
and asked, "Why such a price difference for
the politician?"
The waiter replied, "Have
you ever tried to clean one?"
At the dentist
A woman goes into a
dentist’s office, and after her examination,
the dentist says, "I’m sorry to tell you
this, but I am going to have to drill that
tooth."
Horrified, the woman
replies, "Oh, no! I’d rather have a baby."
To which the dentist
replies, "Make up your mind, I have to
adjust the chair."
The train accident
In a terrible accident at a
railroad crossing a train smashed into a car
and pushed it nearly 400 yards down the
track. Though no one was killed, the driver
took the train company to court.
At the trial, the engineer
insisted that he had given the driver ample
warning by waving his lantern back and forth
for nearly a minute. He even stood and
convincingly demonstrated how he’d done it.
The court believed his story, and the suit
was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the
lawyer said to the engineer when it was
over. "You did superbly under
cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he
sure had me worried."
"How’s that?" the lawyer
asked.
"I was afraid he was going
to ask if the lantern was lit!"
American holiday
Osama consults a psychic
about the date of his death.
Psychic: You will die on an
American holiday.
Osama: Which one?
Psychic: Anyday you die
shall be an American holiday.
The choice
A little old lady is walking
down
the street dragging two plastic garbage bags
with her, one in each hand.
There’s a hole in one of the
bags and every once in a while a $20 bill
comes flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman
stops her. "Ma’am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old
lady, "I’d better go back and see if I can
gather up some of them. Thanks!"
"Well, now, not so fast,"
says the cop. "Where did you get that money?
Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little
old lady. "You see, my yard backs up to the
parking lot of the football stadium. Each
time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and
pee in the bushes right into my flower beds!
So, I stand behind the bushes with a big
hedge clipper and each time some guy sticks
through the bushes, I say; ‘$20 or off it
comes!’"
"Hey not a bad idea!" laughs
the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the way, what’s
in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old
lady, "not all of them pay up."
Drop dead
Six guys are playing poker.
After losing $500 on one hand, Smith
clutches his chest and topples over, dead at
the table.
To decide who’s going to
tell his wife, his buddies draw straws.
Anderson picks the short one.
"Break it to her gently,"
they all urge.
"Leave it to me," he says.
When Smith’s wife comes to the door,
Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500
playing cards."
"How much?" the wife yells,
eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"
The chauffeur
A successful scientist was
on his way to a seminar where he was
supposed to give a lecture on his new
breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw
his tired look and felt sorry for him.
"Sir, why don’t you take the
day off today", he said, "I’ve heard your
lecture so many times by now I know it by
heart. I can give the lecture and you can
just sit back and relax."
The scientist thought this
was a great idea, since he was sick and
tired of giving the exact same lecture over
and over again.
When they arrived at the
seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur’s
hat and seated himself in the back of the
lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked
to the podium and gave an excellent lecture
showing at least as much confidence as the
scientist would.
At the end of the lecture
the chauffeur asked, just as his master
always does, "Are there any questions?"
One of the professors in the
hall stood up and asked a long question
about a very complicated and highly
theoretical matter. The chauffeur was
panicking silently but finally managed to
pull himself together.
"That, professor, is a very
simple question," he answered, "in fact, it
is so simple even my chauffeur can answer
it."
Toilet brush
Tom, Dick and Harry were in
the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one
night, when they decided to get in on the
weekly raffle.
They bought five tickets
each, seeing it was for charity. The
following week, when the raffle was drawn,
they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize — a
whole year’s supply of Gourmet Spaghetti
sauce.
Dick was the winner of the
second prize — six month’s supply of
extra-long Gourmet Spaghetti.
And Harry won the sixth
prize — a toilet brush.
When they met in the pub a
week later, Harry asked the others how they
were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said Tom. "I love
spaghetti."
"So do I," said Dick. "And
how’s the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry said,
"I reckon I’ll go back to paper..."
The recollection
How did it happen?" the
doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he
set the man’s broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago
..."
"Never mind the past. Tell
me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25
years ago, when I first started working on
the farm, that night, right after I’d gone
to bed, the farmer’s beautiful daughter came
into my room. She asked me if there was
anything I wanted. I said, ‘No, everything
is fine.’
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I’m sure," I said.
"Isn’t there anything I can
do for you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the
doctor, "What does this story have to do
with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the
farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me
what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
The indigestion
The old family physician
being away on vacation, entrusted his
practice to his son — a recent medical
student. When the old man returned, the
youngster told him among other things, that
he cured Miss Ferguson, an aged and wealthy
spinster, of her chronic indigestion.
"My boy," said the old
doctor, "I’m proud of you, but Miss
Ferguson’s indigestion is what put you
through college."
Don’t talk to my parrot
Mrs. Davidson’s dishwasher
quit working so she calls a repairman. Since
she has to go to work the next day, she
tells him, "I’ll leave the key under the
mat. Fix the dish-washer, leave the bill on
the counter, and I’ll mail you the check.
Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my
bulldog; he won’t bother you. But, whatever
you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances,
talk to my parrot!"
When the repairman arrives
at Mrs. Davidson’s apartment the next day,
he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull
Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said,
the dog just lays there on the carpet
watching the repairman go about his
business.
The parrot, however, drove
him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally
the repairman couldn’t contain himself any
longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid,
ugly bird!" To which the parrot
replied, "Get him, Spike!"
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