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M.I.A.
News
has reached us that Sri Lanka's very own terrorist pop
star, Mathangi Arulpragasam better known as M.I.A., has
given birth to a healthy baby boy. The boy and Mama Mia
are reported to be doing well. Her Paper Planes,
however, seem to be folding up fast.
Hevenalla
Friday's air attack was indeed a shock to all. Minutes
before it happened, a waiter at a hotel saw one of the
planes flying overhead. It sounded like a motorboat, he
said, and looked like a hevanalla. Ever resourceful, he
called 119 to be told that things were all under
control. And so they were. But the waiter happened to be
in Galle. So what was a plane flying from Mullaithivu to
Colombo doing over Galle that night?
Des Browne
Early
reports that the aircraft shot down over Katunayake
Airport
was piloted by a foreigner have proved to be totally
false. So no, it wasn't the British Special Envoy after
all.
Tax Break
Minutes after the attack the LTTE issued the following
statement: "In these times of dire economic distress we
have found it necessary to give people tax breaks. We
began by breaking the 12th floor of the Inland
Revenue
Building. The glass of the Trans Asia Hotel provided us
with many windows of opportunity. But this is only a
start. There will be more breaks to follow."
Bangkok
Determined not to be outdone, the Government too has
announced a bail-out package of 10 billion rupees, for
failing finance companies. It is not known whether this
includes one-way tickets to Bangkok for any directors
who find, to their inconsolable grief, that they have
accidentally resigned a month before their company
crashed.
Photoshop
It's
election time again and the streets of
Colombo
are beautified by giant cut-outs of surprisingly
slim-line candidates, their heads surrounded by
soft-focus haloes, demonstrating yet again the
scientific miracle that is called Photoshop. There are
pictures of candidates with the elderly, candidates with
war widows, candidates with the disabled, candidates
with babies. To save us all time and money, the
Elections Commissioner has pleaded for a single elderly
disabled widow (who may or may not be left-handed) to
come forward for all further photos. The baby is
optional.
Bleakfast
All
this hoo-ha about Special Envoys sent by other countries
to observe our human rights conditions reminds you of
the time President Nixon visited Chairman Mao in China
for the very same reason.
"Your Human Rights are a disgrace!" the President
thundered. "When did you last have an election?"
"Just before bleakfast," the Chairman replied smugly.
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