Serendipity

War or peace is good for business

The Chinthanaya boys and girls say the war is all but over. Peace lobbyists say Velu has shifted Eelam IV to the West and won its media support, pointing to reports and commentaries coming over. War or Peace was the issue in our minds. We mulled over a saying: If you don't know where you are going, how can you expect to get there? As we walked into the Water Hole to think about the New Year.

A day after the celebrations Kokkis, a true son of the soil, was harrumphing in a comfortable chair like a stuffed pig. Three to four days of consuming festive favourites had left him like a specimen returned by the taxidermist and he was trying to dissolve it in some golden water from Sri Lanka or Scotland.

We greeted him in the usual way : 'Wish you a Peaceful Avuruddha Kokkis' as we had done for the past quarter century  or so but the gargantuan kavun and kiributh gobbler was in no mood to talk. 'Who the hell wants a 'Peaceful Avuruddha'? Kokkis managed to gasp out and added 'We want war.'

 Conspiracy

This was surprising from a dyed in the blue politico and a self-proclaimed authority on the Chinthanaya. We  gave him sometime for the arrack or Scotchto dothe digesting functions and he came back with a theory  behind his revolutionary thinking.

'You UNP fellows want to end the war and ruin this government. The whole economy has been shaped for more than 25 years as a war economy. Now when you stop the war what would happen?'

'What would happen to all you journalists - scribblers who have made a living so far on the war - defence correspondents, war correspondents, military advisers to foreign governments, commentators on the war, economic advisors on the war situation and the like?

'What happens to those poor colleagues of yours engaged in the patriotic task of defending the government? They are now drawing fabulous salaries. They are happy and devoted fathers and also keeping many other women happy. All of you - in private and state sectors of the media - will be out of a job. What about the local variety of foreign correspondents? Of what use would they be to their foreign clients?

'If there are no war stories, circulation will drop andthere will be fewer advertisements. The income of newspapers will drop. So will it be in radio and TV. Advertising companies will put up their shutters. In every field of human endeavour there will be misery.

'What of NGOs and learned academics who write research papers on the war for 50,000 bucks a paper? How many thousands in the armed services will be demobilised? Besides, what of the undertakers?  It is one industry which rose phenomenally from the grave in the past quarter century.

'Tourist arrivals may have dropped but the rate of dead departing from Mother Lanka, feet first, increased by a thousand fold. This stupid hope of turning gun and bombs into butter and rice and curry is all cock and bull.

'This is a conspiracy of the local comprador capitalist class in collaboration with the neo colonial imperialist capitalist West to destroy the independent Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka, led by Mahinda Rajapakse,' he declared loud and clear.

Arms and the Man

This was an entirely new revelation by our friend with whom we had discussed men, women and matters over the years. True, Kokkis had fitted into the 'war economy' very well. He was a contact man for many arms dealers. Overnight he had prospered and come to be regarded as a highly prosperous, respected and influential man in Colombo society. Waiters sprintedat his beck and call whereas we scribblers to newspapers had to bellow for soda or water. 

We gently queried whether his business would be drastically affected with the end of the war. The man advised.

'Be smart.' 'Don't have all the eggs in one basket. I was told the war was ending some years ago. So I switched on to many other businesses more profitable and enjoyable... Opium and human smuggling, export-import based companies mainly dependent on overloading invoices, importing foods and drugs just prior to the date of expiry, casinos under the names of other suckers and cheer leaders from abroad just to add colour to these places. If you breathe a word you wouldn't breathe for long,' he added.

Quest for peace

But why don't you  go in for peace? Can't you make money from peace?

The man broke out into a beatific smile. 'Of course, of course I am all for peace. Haven't you seen me in your own paper declaring open schools, offering flowers in temples, at church ceremonies with the hierarchy and patting little children on their heads for TV cameras?

'There's big money in religion - all religions. It has been so since religion began. The poor people may have put up small temples and churches but who could have put up those stupendous structures. Guess?

'Peace has brought in tremendous opportunities. Have you read about development projects of foreigners in the north and eastrunning into millions and billions coming in? That's why I have kissed and made up with some NGOs. Pity I missed making billions out of the tsunami all because you press fellows made noises about P-Toms and Tom-Toms.'

But couldn't you make profits from clean and honest projects? The man pitied my ignorance. 'My dear fellow, you have heard of the saying: There is nothing called a free cup of tea? Well there is nothing called a business deal, particularly a foreign deal, without a commission.

'All absolutely clean. Money in foreign banks and no hanky panky investigations by you pestiferous scribes and bribery cops.'

 War or Peace there is money  to be made, if you know the ropes.