I am leaving Fremantle this weekend. In
a way, I am glad.
The truth of the matter is that I am
going to Busselton for about three days. Busselton is a
country town, three and half hours drive away from here.
What am I going to do while I am there? I am going to go
The thing is that when I go fishing, it
does a lot for me. I feel happier, calmer and more
independent and I think a lot of that has to do with
being able to catch my own food for free. No money
worries, yummy food and I feel self reliant.
And though I will be fishing with my
friends standing on the jetty or the dam alongside me, I
will for once be left alone with my thoughts.
I donít get much privacy these days. My
phone isnít ringing off the hook nor is my inbox flooded
with emails but I still donít get much privacy or
breathing space. Especially not after having caught the
most debilitating flu ever and having to have handed
everything in late because I had no way of finishing
stuff on time.
So privacy, even if itís just enough
time to have some silence so I can hear the thoughts in
my head for once, is good. No running around trying to
support a friend, trying to ensure all the day to day
little things need to get done, none of that. Just me
and my brain.
And I really do need to think. I am at a
point in my life where everything is changing around me,
both things I can control and things I cannot. I canít
act in a knee jerk fashion and I want to sit and
contemplate whatís occurring around me. I am now
independent, I have stopped studying and have started
working for myself, meanwhile my social life has
altered. Friends are getting married, moving into houses
with their spouses and the number of people I know on a
professional basis has suddenly expanded. My daily
routine is changing as is my diet.
My one constant is that I still need my
brain. And I need and want to think about my future both
here and back home, about what I need for it, about what
I want for it. I need to think about if I want to
continue saying what I feel needs to be said or if I
should shut up and go to ground instead.
Should I continue to write? I think the
simple answer to that is: yes. But what should I write?
Should I continue in any genre as it pleases me? Should
I work on the novel, or put that effort into poetry?
Should I focus instead on writing articles? Should I
just stick to the work I am getting in terms of editing
and web design and for the moment, write purely for
Everyone needs direction. There are a
lot of people who come running to me to double check
whatever they decide on, though they donít need to. I
donít have anyone to run to. I just have my brain. Itís
all I need to logically think through something. But I
need the space and time to do that.
And thatís why even though it is winter
and it will be even more cold in Busselton than it will
be in Fremantle and even though I hate the winter and
the cold, thatís why I am going fishing down south.