Since Beautiful Dreamer is somewhat disabled, I asked her why her handbag weighed a tonne. In addition to her woes, why be saddled with this huge (designer, of course) cumbersome and heavy bag? I bossily grabbed her bag and started unloading it. Most unlikely objects emerged. Loads of crumpled, unnecessary documents, fistfuls of coins, a camera, the charger, a toothbrush, toothpaste…. the list went on and on! It was grabbed back before I quite finished, so I shall secretly creep back one dark night and continue chucking.

It is said, "A woman’s mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag, even when you get to the bottom of it, there is always something at the bottom to surprise you!" The botheration is that nowadays handbags are so big, you can’t find things in a hurry.

So one has to rummage and rifle through until the desired object appears. But they can be jolly useful to sneak things in, like when you are given something ghastly to eat by an elderly relative and you don’t want to hurt her feelings.

Once, at a cocktail party, I wanted to wrap some cute marzipan animals up for the girls in a paper napkin and casually drop it in my handbag, but their father, in horrified tones, absolutely forbade me to do so. My argument that I might eat them anyway didn’t pass muster.

Teenage pranks

When we were teenagers, the boys would think it a great joke to sneak in one of the hotel ashtrays into our handbags. We would be enlightened just when we were approaching security at the entrance. Then, with our hearts pounding lest we got caught out, we would usually escape. And then it was added to their collection!

The first known handbags were carried by men! Egyptian hieroglyphs show their presence, tied at the waist. These were embroidered and decorated with jewels. The richer the person, the more elaborate it was. They became more practical in the 16^th century, were larger and plainer and slung across the body, leaving the hands free to deal with other tasks.

In the 17^th century, embroidery was an essential part of a girl’s education, and we see beautiful and unique hand stitched purses. Fashionable men and women both carried these purses in a variety of shapes. In the 18^th century, ladies carried their purses, also called reticules.

This was because the appearance of clothing at that time would be spoiled if a bag was worn. A typical reticule contained rouge, face powder, a fan, a scent bottle, visiting cards, a card case and smelling salts.

In the 1920s a fashion revolution took place, with varying hemlines and lighter clothes. In the 1950s designer bags from the houses of Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Hermes for example, became the ultimate item in a woman’s wardrobe.

Nowadays, there are heaps of fake designer bags flooding the market. But you should be careful when buying these, or like B.D., you’ll have to dump it. In Malaysia, unfortunately, the logo on the bag she bought was upside down! Didn’t her friends fall over laughing when they saw it.

So it was given to me, and I have taken it out here, and nobody even noticed. In this country, strange things are known to happen, and maybe I might come across someone walking on their hands and so it will appear quite in order!

Another time B.D. visited this gay nightclub that had one "couples" night. The tables were made of cement, so that both patrons and cabaret artistes could dance on them if they so desired. For safety reasons, candles were kept at the far end of the table. She had to put her designer bag on one of the candles, and a very polite Chinese waiter with an inscrutable expression calmly said, "Ahem! Excuse me, madam, but your bag is on fire."

Everybody around was amused and entertained by the ensuing pandemonium, naturally! I’m guilty of the very same crime, so I can’t comment too much!

Handbags make jolly good weapons too. A good swing from a well loaded one can knock a guy out cold! One can never have too many. We can’t all be Paris Hiltons, but we can all possess a nice collection at very reasonable cost.

You can learn a lot about a person from the contents of her handbag. "She had the loaded handbag of someone who imagines life must be full of emergencies!" I saw this goooorgeous, to die for one at…….

— Honky Tonk Woman