Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When those near and dear to us leave, stay away or are kept apart from us, we pine most pathetically for their return and reinstatement. Sometimes, these experiences can be spiritual nadirs, as when the 10th Century BC Jewish monarch, David, felt that the very Divine Presence had deserted him. Muttering “Ichabod!” mournfully under his breath, he came to the realization that a glory had passed away from the earth as far as he was concerned.

Often, family concerns keep the enamoured-of-each-other or affianced apart – a star-crossed tale which the Bard of Avon retold so melodramatically in Romeo & Juliet. On other occasions, friendship proves the strongest of the ties that bind.  And one wonders whether that wise old wit, Mark Twain, knew anything about the goings-on in our land when he observed: “The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong – nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.”

More notable returns

Be that as it may, it is not always the case that true religion, erotic love or pure sentiment drives the return to arms or return to our arms of someone who has long since left our immediate presence. In the recent Champions Trophy, for instance, it was the seemingly reluctant sportsmanship of England skipper Andrew Strauss that saw our own Angelo Mathews being invited to re-assume his position at the crease – but not before he had almost reached the dressing room. 

And in the same spirit, perhaps, the captain of another home side was arguably instrumental in seeing to it that a, er, treasured batter who had been ruled hit-wicket by the match referees was recalled – despite the dressing down he had received from two umpires, the third umpire and many of the spectators to boot.

You know who I mean, dear surprised-as-I-am reader of the news. But let us not wax overlong on Comet Public Business (PB, for short, do I hear you say?), whose star is in the ascendant again, lest we give offence in some stellar quarter. For alien beings far superior to us in, um, intelligence have deemed the returning orbit of this worthy a fair and proper course for our satellitic servant of the people. And the last thing we need on a nice Sunday morning like this is to be accused of a contemptuous attitude towards the supreme race that rules the roost in public, and perhaps privately rues the role that it has come to play in paradise today.

Public servants of old

Meanwhile, in plainer-speak, what about extending this accommodating principle to other dear, departed public servants – in the national interest? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, they say, and nothing succeeds like flattery, given the present form. (They also say that flattery is the food of fools – but that now and then your men of wit will condescend to take a bit.) So please take our points below with an appropriate pinch of salt. Everything is pure to the pure in mind.

Our first candidate is ideal. Let us call him Judicious Diplomat, or JD. The most significant time he bowed out of seeking public office was when, tipped to be the most likely ambassador to Geneva and the big boss of the Unnecessary Nuisance, or UN, he withdrew in favour of a fellow aspirant from Asia, so that a continent, rather than a country, could win. The continent won, but the country is poorer for not taking advantage of this erstwhile envoy’s expertise. Now, more than ever, we need people of his calibre to be our representatives in the courts of the world. I kid you not.

The second is less than ideal, but an idol nevertheless. Not one to be shy of promoting herself, Charismatic Boadicea Kitchencabinet, or CBK, was the first to promote our little nation-state in a way that partially redeemed us in the eyes of the world, from being a half-baked pseudo-democracy turned banana republic. Her reinstitution as a global emissary for our newly-not-failed-state may work wonders in terms of GSP+ or IMF loans. We kid you a little!

And a third is like the second, although its subject lies idle at present. Sometimes Wise Republican Demagogue, or SWRD, was the founder of the majoritarian school of thought whereby the highest good of the greatest number was what counted most. With a brain like his, today’s utilitarians could take Me Only, We Only and Us Only to new heights. Kid you big time.

One out of three

There is a limit to such gallimaufry, of course. Just one out of the three above will serve us well. And we need to consider bringing back only the retired, not the exiled or the dead. In all of this skulduggery, a sense of proportion – even decency – must prevail.

Ex-JVP apparatchik Worldly Wiseman (WW, as he is known) pointed this out in no uncertain terms. With regard to the former mandarin who made his way back into the mainstream fold, WW strongly suggested that PB not be made Treasury Secretary again, but rather Cabinet Secretary. Now, there is an interesting piece of logic. If PB does not equal TS, PB should not be equal to CS – or any kind of S, at that, especially as PB himself swore an affidavit to the effect that he would not seek to be equal to TS or CS or any kind of S.

But logic does not rule appointments to the Cabinet or Treasury today. Rather, it is a type of perversely inverted thinking process whereby the most suitable savants to ruin, um, run the country are those with long service, vast experience and a blot on their record courtesy the long arm of the law. Add to that an affidavit asserting that one will never seek to hold public office as long as one lives or as long as the powers that be are in situ and one has a ready-made formula for the return of the native. QED, PB. Et tu, WW. 

Be that, too, as it may. Here’s the bottom line: It’s not about what you know, but who you know, that matters today. Not what you’ve done, but what else and how much more you can do. And the fact that while no one will quite forget, everyone will readily forgive just about everything in this permissive environment. So treasure it – while it lasts.