Different Partings A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time. Differences My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t. Different Locations Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. For Keeps When a [...]
Why Men Are Not Allowed To Write Advice Columns Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and [...]
Advertising Pays In Laughs…. As the following real classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses [...]
Nut Problems A hospital psychologist decided to take his mental patients to a baseball game. He coached his patients with simple cues to avoid unwanted anxiety and social awkwardness. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up, nuts!” The inmates stood [...]
Nut Problems A hospital psychologist decided to take his mental patients to a baseball game. He coached his patients with simple cues to avoid unwanted anxiety and social awkwardness. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up, nuts!” The inmates stood [...]
Donations Wanted Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said “It’s our police chief again. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.” “Donations!” I [...]
Can You Repeat Please? A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to 18 children. The reporter didn’t quite hear the message and said, “Would you repeat that?” “Not if I can help it,” replied the woman. Too Late Reporter: My editor sent me to do the [...]
Lying Politicians A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came [...]
A New Year’s Wish On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the [...]
Polish Remover One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, “How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?” “No,” [...]
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